BA2: The Sequel
by Shadow Jaganshi
Summary: New fanatics, new setting, new bishies, and a mistake that causes a nice big problem for everyone and their aunties. And especially Karasu, but I don't think he has any aunties. HieixOC KuramaxOC
1. Yay! An Uproar!

**(September 27, 2005)** God... This skool shit is really cramping my style... I haven't written much more than a page and a half to either of the stories I'm working on since this skool shit started back up again, a month ago... I'm sure once I get back into the swing of things, with the rationing time for email, dinner, homework, and stories, I'll get back to actually eating stories and writing dinner, like I'm supposed to... But until my mind starts saying, "Yeah... You go ahead and sleep for three hours. I'll still work okay..." Updates will be few and far between... The only reason I'm posting this now is 'cause I figure maybe the reviews will inspire my wasted brain to write something...

So without further adoo, here's the next chapter of the first story in the Shadow Jaganshi chronicles... (rather, the first chapter of the next story)

(all typoes and word switches in this notewere unintentionally done, but intentionally left ther to show how bad this skool shiznap is really... wtf else and some other stupid description of how it's majorly skrooing up my brain...)

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**CHAPTER ICHI  
**YAY! AN UPROAR!

It was a bright and sunny day in the world of anime. Actually, it was night. It was a bright and sunny night in the world of anime. Tokyo, Japan, home to several dozen bishies, was sleeping.

Right now, we're gonna focus on a certain few people in this rather large city.

Yusuke Urameshi, teenage hero, half demon, and juvenile delinquent, was considered a bishounen by many many people. Right now, said boy was sleeping like a rock in the apartment he shared with his drunken mother. And, completely without warning, he vanished. Poof! Just like that!

And somewhere in Tokyo, Karasu, the freaky bisexual vampire wannabe weirdo, was sleeping in the woods or some similar place. Alone. All by his lonesome, because everybody hates him. Except for a few people. And whoever it was that abducted Yusuke, also got Karasu. Poof.

Shuuichi Minamino, known to few people (and many many fanatic girls around the world) as Kurama, was also sleeping. But there was a large difference between him and the other two. Not only was Kurama a perfect beauty (to most people), he had a girlfriend, who was currently sleeping in his arms. How cute. Eclipse Shinomori, though pretty, was utterly and totally psychotic, probably certifiably insane, probably had split personalities, and couldn't spell. But most fanatical girls didn't know about the fox's relationship, since he'd kept it fairly quiet to avoid assassination attempts. So, as Yueuk and Karasu's kidnappers readied to abduct Kurama... Eclipse rolled on top of him and vanished. Poof! Oops.

Hiei Jaganshi was also asleep, but only just so. His girlfriend, Shadow, also certifiably insane, but able to spell a bit better than Eclipse. And as she nuzzled against Hiei in her skimpy pajamas, unbeknownst to either of the two snugglebunnies, a plot was in the workings to abduct said fire demon. And unbeknownst to anyone else, Shadow rolled over the same time Eclipse did, and vanished simultaneously. Poof! Oops.

Ever alert, especially to something like Shadow totally vanishing, Hiei's eyes snapped open. She was not in the room.

"Shadow?"

Nope. She was gone.

"Shadow!" he repeated. He got up and looked around. He went through every room he would expect to find her in. But he already knew something was wrong. Shadow wouldn't just vanish. She couldn't, for one, and for two, even if she was capable, she wouldn't want to. Not from their bed.

Kurama, meanwhile, was making the same assumptions about Eclipse. Though she did tend to appear out of no where half the time, and he'd seen her vanish once or twice, why would she want to now? In the middle of the night, while he was sleeping. His normal calm was wavering. But he forced himself to relax. He'd wait a bit. Maybe she'd be back. In the meantime, he'd check to see if she hadn't just decided to use a more direct form of transportation to get to the kitchen, or the bathroom. Not like walking across the hall took all that long, but he wouldn't put it past her. He got up and padded across the hall to check. Nope. Then he checked downstairs. She wasn't anywhere.

_Then_ he started to worry. He checked outside. Nope. She wasn't out there, and she wasn't inside.

Hiei, meanwhile, had made the same conclusion about Shadow. When he couldn't even find her with his Jagan, he did the first thing that came to his mind: When all else fails, consult Kurama. Going back to his bedroom, he grabbed the phone next to Shadow's bed and dialed the fox's cell phone.

Kurama was just shutting his bedroom door, feeling very unhappy, when his cell phone rang. He'd forgot to put it on silent, so he lunged across his bed and snatched it off the nightstand before the ring woke his mother.

"Hello!" he answered, not bothering to look at the display.

"Kurama?" Hiei's voice replied.

"Hiei! What--"

"You're awake?"

"Yeah, I'm, uh..."

"I have a problem."

"Me too."

"You do?"

"Yes."

"... Mine's probably more important."

"Eclipse vanished."

Hiei sat in silence in his bedroom, staring at the phone until Kurama's voice reminded him why he'd called.

"Hiei? Hey, are you there?"

"Yeah... Shadow did too."

"What! You mean, she's totally gone?"

"No, her arm's still here," Hiei said sarcastically. "Yes, she's _totally gone_, you stupid fox!"

"Don't yell at me, Hiei."

There was a pause.

"I can't even find her with my Jagan."

"Well... That's bad."

_Helpful. Very helpful, Kurama._

_**

* * *

**_

Meanwhile, somewhere else entirely, Shadow, Eclipse, Yusuke, and Karasu all simultaneously appeared. While Karasu and Yusuke appeared a few inches above the floor and woke up instantly when they hit, Shadow and Eclipse plummetted from near the 100 foot ceiling and slammed into the floor on their heads... and kept sleeping.

Yusuke sat bolt upright. "What the hell!" Karasu echoed this sentiment.

The room was huge and white, probably circular, but it was impossible to tell. The lighting was equal everywhere, so the spotless room looked like it went on forever. Other than themselves, there were a few people that neither of them recognized. All male. And, Karasu noted, all hot.

Yusuke dragged himself to his feet and looked around. Karasu was sitting on the floor staring around and drooling. Shadow and Eclipse were lying on the floor... sleeping...

"What the hell!" he said again. Ignoring Karasu, he knelt next to the two girls and shook them. "Wake up, stupids!" He grabbed Shadow and shook her violently. "SHADOW!" Her head lolled around and drool hung out of her mouth. He dropped her carelessly and tried the same thing with Eclipse, getting the same reaction. Karasu smirked.

"You should know to mention food. They'll wake up in a--"

"**FOOD!**" Both sat up instantly, cracking their heads off Yusuke's. He cringed, but his thick skull took no damage.

They had attracted the attention of the other occupants of the room by now, and a couple had come over to investigate.

"What's going on over here?"

The four looked up. Three guys were standing there. The one who had spoken was in a blue military uniform of some sort and had black hair and a frown on his face. Shadow jumped to her feet and saluted.

The other two were dressed more casually. The short one had blond hair pulled back in a braid and wore black pants, boots, and shirt, with a red cloak over it. The other one looked to be about Shadow's age, with long brown hair and casual jeans and a t-shirt.

"Who the hell are you?" Yusuke asked bluntly, standing up. Shadow was still saluting to the military colonel. Yusuke grabbed her arm and jerked it down to her side. Eclipse went up to the short blonde guy and bent down to his level.

"What!" he snapped.

"Damn you're short."

"**I AM NOT SHORT!**" he exploded. Eclipse jumped back to stand next to Shadow. She leaned over and whispered loudly to Shadow,

"He's short. He's even shorter than Hiei."

Shadow's eyes nearly bust out of her head and she spun around in a full circle. "Hiei! Oh my God, my baby! He's not here!"

Eclipse was staring at her, blinking. The short blonde boy was infuriated even more that they weren't noticing he'd exploded again.

Shadow fell sobbing into the arms of the nearest person... who somehow ended up to be the brown-haired boy, even though he was farthest away (aside from the hot blond guy across the room).

"Uh--!" he yelped.

"Boy, isn't she the loyal one," Karasu noted. "She was just sobbing about Hiei being gone, and flings herself into the arms of another man."

Eclipse punched Karasu subtly, right in the face so he got a bloody nose. Everyone stared. Her eyes welled up with tears and she flung her arms around Yusuke. "KURAMA'S NOT HERE!"

"There's another loyal one..." Yusuke muttered to himself as she sobbed on his shoulder. Shadow, meanwhile, had jumped away from the poor teen she'd just horrified and gone to Karasu.

"Are you alright?"

"...Yeah..."

"Damn."

"You're so mean! Why are you being so mean to me all of a sudden?" Karasu whined.

"All of a sudden? Well jee, it might have something to do with you kidnapping me for no reason!" she snapped, clobbering him in the head.

"Looks like you have some issues to work out," the black-haired guy said. Shadow zipped away from Karasu and bowed to him.

"No issues at all. My name is Shadow Jaganshi, I'm 17 years old, and it's nice to meet you." She straightened up and offered her hand. He took it and kissed the back, making her look at him curiously.

"It's nice to meet you, Shadow-san," he said. "I'm Colonel Roy Mustang. This is Edward Elrich."

"Hi shorty!" Eclipse said to Ed. She went to Roy. "I'm Eclipse Shinomori and if you'd stop holding my best friend's hand, I'd offer to shake."

Shadow jerked her hand away from Roy's. "I have a boyfriend! You must think I'm some weak, pathetic little girl! I'm not that easy! I won't jump into the arms of any man who comes along just because I miss my boyfriend and will soon shrivel up from lack of contact!"

"Shut up, Shadow," Yusuke said, clamping his hand over her mouth. "Please excuse these two girls. They're..."

"Eccentric. I can tell," Roy muttered.

The fourth stranger finally graced them with his presence. Shadow melted in Yusuke's arms when she saw him up close.

"Wow!" she muttered. Eclipse was also looking rather like she would betray Kurama at any minute.

Messy blonde hair, blue eyes, very... very...

"Hot..." Karasu muttered. Eclipse punched him. Again.

The newcomer eyed him unhappily. Shadow pushed Yusuke away and zoomed over to bow to him.

"My name is Shadow and I'm very happy to make your acquaintence... Mr...?"

"Mr. Sexy!" Eclipse said. She zoomed over and offered her hand. "Hello sexy!"

Yusuke sighed. Those two were so fickle. "Shadow, you ought to be ashamed of yourself."

"Silence, puny mortal!" she snapped, standing up straight. Again, she looked to the blonde beauty. "You aren't one of those pissy angsty guys are you?"

He frowned and offered his hand. "Eiri Yuki."

Shadow shook his hand in a dignified manner. "Sorry for being psycho, but..."

"You're so sexy she couldn't resist," Eclipse added. Shadow punched her and she fell to the floor like a limp noodle.

Yuki was used to fangirls. But that didn't mean he had to like them.

Shadow zoomed over to the only guy she didn't know so far and grabbed his hand, shaking it. "Your name?"

"Hiroshi Nakano."

She looked at him curiously. "I knew a guy once named Hiroshi Naka_da_. He got hit by a bus."

"Oh..."

"That's okay. He deserved it. He was a dick. He wanted to rape me."

The room filled with light. A loud electronic Zap! sounded out as people appeared a short distance away. All male.

Shadow looked to where four guys were lying sprawled on the floor. She blinked. "They look... familiar." She and Eclipse zoomed over to them. Yusuke followed at a slower pace.

"Hi!" the girls greeted in unison. The newcomers looked up as they got to their feet. They looked very confused and disconcerted. Shadow snapped her fingers and pointed at one of the guys, putting her finger right between his eyes.

"You're Saitou! I remember you!"

Hazel-gold eyes blinked with uncharacteristic surprise. "You!"

"Yes, me!" She looked past him. "And you're Kenshin, the pacifist sissy, and there's Sanosuke... and... that antisocial guy."

"Hello," Kenshin said. Sano looked around.

"Dammit... Not this again."

"At least there's no cages this time," Saitou muttered. He reached inside his coat and pulled out a cigarette. "And I have these."

"But if it's this again..." Sanosuke said thoughtfully, eyeing Shadow, "why's there girls?"

"Maybe they're lezzies!" Eclipse piped up. Shadow hit her. "Owww... I hate you! Whore!"

"Bitch!"

"Slut!"

"Hag!"

Yusuke hit them both.

"Owwww!" they whined in unison. Then they glared and did an about face in unison, pouting with their arms crossed.

Just as the second round of introductions was about done, there was more light. Poof came two more people. Shadow looked at them for a second and squealed.

"WOLFIES!" Zoom! She tackled Tsume to the ground and hugged him despite his snarling and struggling.

"Where are we?" Kiba asked.

"HELL!" Eclipse screeched happily. She petted Kiba's hair. Shadow glanced at them and zoomed over.

"Didn't you have a thing for Kiba, Eclipse?"

"What?"

"Yeah... weren't you making out with him that one time?"

"What? I have no idea what you're talking about. But I do remember you were making out with Tsume!"

"Just to freak out Kuwabara..."

"Yeah, yeah, that's the only reason you used to make out with Hiei, too, right?"

"Right."

"Liar."

"Freak."

"Whore."

"Slut."

"Ladies!" Kenshin cried.

"PANSY!" they both snapped, sending him flying. Then they each grabbed one of the two newcomers and rushed him over to the other guys.

"Tsume and Kiba!" they introduced. "This is..." and they proceeded to introduce everyone else in the room in about two seconds. Tsume and Kiba were clueless, so Yusuke started a more proper introduction. He was through two people when ZAP! appeared a man in blue robes with a staff. Zap! appeared a white-haired guy with perky dog ears and baggy red clothes. A second after them, ZAP! appeared a guy with pointy ears and brown furs and some armor and a tail. Shadow and Eclipse's interest was instantly perked when they recognized these three.

"Can it be...?" Shadow asked.

Zap!

Appeared Sesshoumaru.

"**_FLUFFY!_**"

Before Sesshoumaru even had two seconds to get his bearings, he was slammed into the ground by two screeching girls.

"OMIGOD I MISSED YOU SO SO MUCH I LOVE YOU FLUFFY!" Shadow squealed. She kissed his cheek as he tried futilely to get her away. Eclipse was squeezing him and nuzzling her cheek against his, chanting happily, "Fluffy fluffy fluffy fluffy..."

Inuyasha cracked up laughing. Koga and Miroku were laughing, but also had no idea where they were so it held only half the humor that it would have in any other situation.

"**GET OFF ME!**" Sesshoumaru finally snapped.

"I'm sorry!" Shadow chirped. She and Eclipse leapt to their feet and pulled Fluffy along with them.

"We missed you so much, Fluffy!" Eclipse said.

"We love you!"

"We'll never let you go again!"

"Never!"

"Ever!"

Sesshoumaru's lip nearly trembled. "I hate you both."

"Even if we become your slaves for eternity?"

"We'll wait on you hand and foot!"

"We'll do anything you ask!"

"Anything and everything!"

"We'll be your sex slaves if you want!"

"NO!" Sesshoumaru snapped. Yusuke sighed.

"So much for them having boyfriends..."

Karasu had become suddenly very silent. ... Well, he hadn't been saying much anyways, but he was now staring at Sesshoumaru like he hadn't stared at anyone else.

Yes, I am that cruel.

Shadow and Eclipse seemed very close to this guy. So, Karasu reasoned, he would hang back and plan his approach.

The two girls had totally forgotten all about any sort of introductions. They were hanging all over Fluffy, hugging him and stroking his hair lovingly. Inuyasha was snickering while Koga and Miroku listened to the introductions and the speculations of what was going on and such. After a bit, the monk lost interest and went to Shadow and Eclipse.

"Shadow-san," he said, smiling. She looked at him.

"Monk! Hi!"

"Nice outfit," he noted. She looked down at herself.

Short black shorts and a shirt that was low cut and hardly covered anything past her chest.

"My pajamas! You like 'em?"

"I like you in them," he said, smiling.

"You would," Inuyasha muttered. Sesshoumaru looked at his brother and glared when he pointed and laughed some more.

"Inuyasha, I'm going to kill you."

"I know. You've said that before and never quite managed to carry it out before."

"Inuyasha, why do you always taunt your brother so when these girls are around?"

"Because he won't do anything about it. They've got him whipped."

Sesshoumaru wrenched his arms away from Shadow and Eclipse and stalked over to his brother. Sobering up real quick, Inuyasha lunged away as his brother formed his light whip. Shadow screamed.

"**YAY CARNAGE!**"

"**WHIP HIS ASS, FLUFFY!**" Eclipse cheered.

Sesshoumaru was suddenly suppressed by Miroku, Koga, and Yusuke, and found himself pinned down under three guys.

"DAMN YOU! You should have let them go at it!" Shadow snarled. "Now get off him! He doesn't swing that way!"

Yusuke was away in a second, but the other two didn't seem to get what she meant with the slang.

"Go away," Eclipse translated calmly. "Sesshoumaru is not gay and has no wish to take part in sexual intercourse with either of you."

They were away faster than Yusuke had been.

"What is wrong with you!" Koga cried.

"Everything," Shadow replied calmly, pulling Sesshoumaru to his feet.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a big screen lowered down. Actually, it was three screens in a triangle around a central pole that lowered down from like, 100 feet up, at the ceiling.

"Hello, boys!" a cheerful female voice called.

"I'm a girl!" Shadow called happily.

"Me too!" Eclipse added, waving with her free hand (her other hand was grasping Fluffy's tightly, of course).

"What?" The screen stopped lowering and a picture appeared. A girl's face appeared. She was a teenager, probably around sixteen, and she was no great beauty. Average, with flaws. Not a Mary Sue, luckily, but a Mary Sue wannabe, I'm sure.

"Oh my God!" she cried. "Who the hell are you?"

"That's my question!" Yusuke snapped. "What the hell are you doing?"

"She asked who the hell we were, not what the hell we were doing," Shadow hissed at him.

"Shut up!" Yusuke snapped.

"Where are we?" Inuyasha asked.

"What's going on?" a voice asked from off-screen as the girl on the screen flipped through some papers frantically.

"Something's wrong! There's girls in there!"

"WHAT?"

"Yay! An uproar!" Shadow cried ecstatically. "And as usual, it's MY fault!"

"Good work, Shadow!" Eclipse congratulated.

"I think they're upset about you, too," Sesshoumaru clued her in.

"Really?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Sweet!"

He sighed.

Another girl appeared on the screen. "You! Who the hell are you? What are you doing on my bishie!"

Shadow and Eclipse flung their arms around Sesshoumaru protectively.

"This is like the great Bishounen Abduction TWO, isn't it!" Shadow asked accusingly. "You got all those hot guys before, but you're not satisfied with that, no! You have to try again! Well you can't have my Fluffy!"

"HE'S MINE!" the girl shrieked. "WHO ARE YOU?"

"I'M THE FUTURE DICTATOR OF THE **WORLD!**" Shadow retorted.

"And I'm her sidekick!" Eclipse piped up.

"And Fluffy will be on the throne as well! He'll be my husband!"

"What about Hiei!" Yusuke snapped.

"Oh yeah," Shadow said, her face falling slightly. "I forgot about him for a second."

"HIEI!" the first girl on the screen shrieked. "HIEI'S MISSING! WHERE'S MY HIEI?"

"HIEI'S MINE TOO!" Shadow yelled. "AND HE'S MORE OFFICIALLY MINE THAN FLUFFY IS! HIEI'S MY BOYFRIEND!"

"**NO HE'S NOT!**" the girl on the screen screamed back. "**HIEI IS MY HUSBAND! WE'RE MARRIED! WE HAVE KIDS!**"

"**ROLEPLAYING FREAK! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HIEI! YOU THINK YOU DO! YOU THINK YOU'RE WORTHY OF HIM! WELL LET ME TELL YOU, HIEI IS MINE! AND I DON'T CARE HOW MANY INTERNET MESSAGE BOARDS YOU'VE RP'ED ON AS HIS FAITHFUL MARY SUE WIFE! HIEI IS MINE! I GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB LAST NIGHT!**"

The girl on the screen screamed in horror and collapsed. The second one looked infuriated.

"Whoever you are--"

"Hiei's lover," Shadow told her matter-of-factly.

"_Whoever you are,_" she stressed, "you will regret whatever you did to screw up our project."

The screen went black. Shadow mocked her.

"'Myeh myeh myeh, I'm a stupid whore!'"

"...What was all that you said?" Karasu asked.

"NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" she shouted accusingly, pointing at him.

"Psst... Shadow... you've told him all about your love life," Eclipse reminded.

"Oh yeah, that's right. Well, then, I said I gave Hiei a blowjob last night."

"Did you spit or swallow?" Karasu asked. Shadow detached herself from Sesshoumaru and attacked the crow, beating him into unconsciousness. As she stomped back to Fluffy, she huffed, "Not that it's any of his business, but I swallowed."

"Ewwwwww! Shadow!" Eclipse whined.

"What!"

"You know that stuff just sits in your stomach! You're gonna have to get your stomach pumped!"

"Oh, jesus! I don't do it THAT often! You're overreacting."

Yusuke cleared his throat.

"Yeah, I am..." Eclipse muttered. "Cuz I did that with Kurama."

"EWWW!" Shadow squealed happily. She grabbed Eclipse and zoomed off to the side. "Do tell!"

"Why? It's not your business!"

"I'll tell you about Hiei!"

"I don't want to know about Hiei!"

"Oh, come on, it's not like I'm asking how big his dick is! I just want to know when and where and all that stuff!"

"I don't wanna tell you! It's not your business!"

"I'll tell you about me and Hiei. Well, okay, so, the first time was on the last day of school, remember that?"

"I don't wanna know!"

"I took him home on my motorcycle, remember that? And then, like, I took him inside, and up to our bedroom, and--"

"LA, LA, LA, LA!" she sang, plugging her ears.

All the guys were staring at them. They really weren't all that far away that in a room with echoes where everyone was silent, they couldn't be heard. Their voices were very clear. More than half of the guys were blushing furiously. Ed especially.

"And he looks really good naked, you know that?" Shadow was saying. "So anyways, I was--"

"**SHADOW!**" Yusuke screamed. She totally ignored him, and was now trying to wrestle Eclipse's hands away from her ears so she could hear the juicy details. Finally, Eclipse snapped.

"**FINE!** It was at his house when his mother wasn't there and it was a couple days ago and I hate you," she said quickly, all the words run together. Shadow grinned.

"Thank you! So is it big?"

Eclipse lunged at her throat and she ran away screaming. She promptly slammed into a wall.

"Ow!"

Eclipse launched herself at Shadow and the girl took off in another direction, and ended up hiding behind Yuki. Eclipse got totally distracted when she saw him.

"OH! Hi Sexy!"

Shadow relaxed. "Thank you," she whispered under her breath to Eiri. She started to slink away and Eclipse zoomed over to her. Shadow shrieked.

"I think I was mad at you for something," Eclipse said intelligently. Again, Shadow relaxed. God bless Eclipse and her stupidity. "But I don't remember what." A pause. "So I'll just choke you for fun."

Shadow screamed and ran away again. She hid behind Tsume. Eclipse started slinking around sniffing the ground as if that would help her find Shadow. What eventually gave the girl away was when she fell over and started drowning in her own drool at being so close to a hot guy in tight leather like that. She sobered up real quick, of course, when Eclipse lunged at her. Luckily for Shadow, her pursuer slipped in the puddle of drool and gave Shadow a minute to find another hiding place.

She darted over to Aoshi and lifted his coat over her head so she was pressed up against his back inside his coat.

"Get off me you freak!" he snapped. Eclipse scrambled to her feet and lunged, knocking Aoshi backwards on top of Shadow. The girl gagged.

"GET OFF ME FATSO!" she yelled. Aoshi shoved Eclipse away and slipped out of his coat, grabbing his kudachi. Shadow screamed and leapt to her feet, tearing away like a loony. She ran straight at Sesshoumaru and dove... into his sleeve.

Of course, this caused a bit of unbalance, as his left arm had just gained about 100 pounds, so he dropped to his knees and Shadow, inside his sleeve, hit the ground. (Yes I know he only has one arm, but screw you! I feel bad for him, so in my stories, he has two!)

"It's huge in here!" she said. "It's like a tent! Why do you wear something like this! If you were meaning to use your sleeves as storage, you'd never be able to reach the bottoms to get whatever you tossed in there!"

"Get out of my shirt!" he snapped.

"No! I think I wanna sleep in here!"

"Is it really that big in there?" Eclipse asked. She stuck her head in Fluffy's right sleeve. "Hell! You could stuff a horse in here!" She jumped down his sleeve.

Inuyasha was now laughing uncontrollably, rolling around on the ground holding his sides. Sesshoumaru sighed and sat down, crossing his legs. "What will it take to get you out?"

Shadow hummed thoughtfully. "Let me consult my... uh... consultant. Put your sleeves together."

"What?"

Shadow's hand reached out and grabbed Sesshy's, dragging it over so the ends of his sleeves were together. Whispers were heard, and Shadow's head popped out.

"Stop complaining about us hanging on you," she said. Eclipse's head popped out.

"Don't beat us senseless when we hang on you."

"And let us hang around in your sleeves. They're _awesome!_"

Inuyasha, who'd silenced to hear their demands, cracked up laughing again. Sesshoumaru sent him a death glare before he frowned at the girls.

"But if this deal is to get you out of my sleeves, how will letting you hang around in my sleeves help that?"

Shadow looked confused. "You have a point. I guess there isn't a way, then."

"I hate you."

She popped out of the sleeve and hugged him tightly. "But you know we love you!"

"It makes me hate you more."

"Fine," Shadow pouted. She crossed her arms and continued sitting in his lap, just facing away. Pretty much everyone in the room was staring at them. Except Karasu, who was unconscious, and Inuyasha, who was suffocating from laughing so hard. And Eclipse, who was in Fluffy's right sleeve. Snores coming from there told him what was going on.

"So..." Yusuke finally said, "I guess we're stuck here again."

"Sucks to be you," Shadow said, curling up in Sesshoumaru's lap.

"You're stuck here too," Tsume pointed out.

"Oh yeah. Damn. At least I have Fluffy!" She hugged his leg, which she was using as a pillow, and fell asleep two seconds later. Inuyasha snickered.

"I wish girls liked _me_ that much," Miroku muttered.

* * *

Like it? Like I said, updates will probably not be very often... I just don't have time to write... Also, I wrote the first three or four chapters at my best friend's house, so they're kindaa different style... not really, but I was on a super major bishounen high while writing them... then her computer broke and I had to continue it at my house... I haven't barely shitten a speck since then. And yes, I did just typo "written" as "shitten"... God I'm tired. What I mean is, I've barely written anything since I stopped working on it at Eclipse's house... 


	2. Why Did You Kidnap My Sandwich?

**(October 06, 2005) I'm finally posting chapter two. YAY. This chapter is shorter than I thought it was... But I know why, it's cuzit was too long for its own good and I had to cut it, I think... Maybe that's the next chapter... I dunno. I can't keep track of my own stories... Gad...  
Thank you for all your wonderful refoos, people. As usual, I was correct. They inspired me to kick my ass into gear and work on this story.**

**Warnings: **Unecessary, extensive use of the term 'cock sucker.' Hiei being perhaps more OOC than usual. You'll have to look out for that in this story, it happens.

**Also, this story will teach you how to count to some unknown number in Japanese. The chapters are numbered in Japanese. Ichi, ni...**

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**CHAPTER NI  
**Why Did You Kidnap My Sandwich?

The black screen that was hanging from the ceiling finally did something other than hang there silently. Again, the Sesshoumaru-fanatic girl appeared.

"Okay," she said authoritively, eyes closed as she acted high and mighty. "We've figured out why you slutty girls are in here." She opened her eyes and shrieked.

Shadow was sleeping on Sesshoumaru's lap. Sesshy himself was asleep sitting up. The other girl was no where in sight. Yusuke, Karasu, and several others were laying around sleeping.

"**WAKE UP!**" she whined. Sesshoumaru stirred and opened his eyes.

"You again," he stated plainly.

"Yes, me again, baby. I figured out why those two girls are there and bothering you."

"Don't call me baby."

"I'm sorry dear. Now--"

Sesshoumaru sighed. He'd been through this once before. Fanatics like that were worse than Shadow and Eclipse. At least those two didn't expect him to be their sweet and loving husband or whatever. ... They just hung all over him and hugged him and called him 'Fluffy.'

"Why are we here?" Roy interrupted.

"Why?" The girl on the screen became confused. "Because you're bishounen, of course."

One eyebrow raised slightly. "So?"

"Then why are these two girls here?" Ed asked, pointing at Shadow.

"I was getting to that before somebody interrupted me!"

"Why did you kidnap wolves? Why did you kidnap Karasu?" Shadow interrogated, clinging to the screen that was actually up about ten feet abover her head. "Why did you kidnap--"

"MY SANDWICH?" Eclipse asked accusingly, flying out of nowhere and clinging to a second screen.

"**GET OFF THE SCREEN!**" the abductor girl screamed. "THEY'RE BISHOUNEN!"

"My sandwich wasn't," Eclipse said pathetically, dropping to the floor. "It was actually pretty ugly."

"I'm not a bishounen," Shadow snapped. "I'm a girl! Look at these!" She pointed to her chest, and fell right off the screen, landing on top of Koga.

"Oww!" he whined. She jumped up and glared at the girl on the screen.

"Well, fanatic? What's your explanation? Why am I here unstead of at home with my **_boyfriend_**?"

"There was a small error in our research. History has no records of you. The show _Yu Yu Hakusho_ never had a girl like you on it. Hiei did not have a girlfriend. But upon further research, we discovered where you come from. A girl named 'Shadow Jaganshi' wrote fanfics most of her teenage life, before going insane and attempting to take over the universe. She was launched into outer space in 2008 and was last known to have started a small colony on Pluto."

Shadow blinked. "What year are you from?"

"2015," the girl on the screen said. "It's May 14, 2015."

Shadow started counting on her fingers. "You mean somewhere in the world right now, there's a 27 year old me wandering around?"

Eclipse came flying out of nowhere again. "Me too! There's a 27 year old me wandering around! And a 28 year old Kurama! I wonder if we have kids! I wonder if we were going to and I killed them!"

"Does Kurama want kids? I don't picture him as settling down and starting a family," Shadow said randomly.

"Nah, I don't think he does. His Youko side and all, y'know. That's okay, cuz if we had kids I'd sell them on eBay."

"I'm considering having kids purely for that reason," the other girl said.

"To sell them on eBay?"

"Yeah! I bet I could make a fortune selling demon human hybrids to the government. Or the black market."

"On ebay?"

"Or I could just sell them to the Black Market for slave uses, y'know?"

"But Hiei doesn't want kids at all, does he?"

"No. Probably just cuz he doesn't want to have to put up with me being fat for 9 months and getting all screwed up with the hormones and mood swings and cravings for pickles and ramen at 3 in the morning."

"He probably doesn't want you to get stretch marks."

"Oh yes. That too. They'd marr my perfect beauty."

Zap!

Shadow and Eclipse vanished from the white room and found themselves in something similar to a dungeon.

"HELL!" Shadow shrieked.

There was a guy standing there with a whip.

"Hell is right," he said.

A window appeared out of nowhere and Shadow ran screaming and jumped out it. Eclipse followed. They plummetted downwards from the ceiling and slammed into the floor of the white room.

"What the hell was that!" Yusuke snapped.

"DOOM!" Shadow cheered. "That guy was gonna whip me!"

"But you'd like that!" Karasu teased. Shadow punched him on her way over to the screen, where a baffled girl was standing.

"What the hell did you do!" she cried. "He was supposed to beat you to death!"

"I used my powers of doom! Surely you bothered to READ Shadow's fics, didn't you?"

"No..."

"Well you suck so much ass it's not even funny."

"Hey!" Yusuke said excitedly. "Can you use your doom to get us out of here?"

"Nope!" she said without a second's hesitation. "Cuz that'd be useful!"

"I hate you," he muttered.

"I know... I know..."

Most of the people in the room had no idea what was going on, but that didn't matter.

The girl on the screen cleared her throat. "So as I was saying," she pressed on, "we didn't know about either of you sluts and we made an error in our calculations because of that. We didn't know we needed to have perfect exact coordinates. We didn't think there would be anyone so close to either Hiei or Kurama when we brought them here that we'd need to zero in on their exact ki signatures and everything."

"You can't even do that," Shadow scoffed. "You're human."

"We have TECHNOLOGY!"

Shadow shrugged. "So do I! It's called a gun!" She yanked a gun out of her shorts and shot at the screen. The bullets bounced off and hit anything in the way. Luckily, they were rubber bullets, so they didn't kill anyone.

"You'll regret _existing_ when we're through with you!" the girl on the screen whined.

"My existence isn't my fault!" Shadow snapped. Though, the authoress seems to think it is... "It's my parents! They had sex and I was born! Then they died! So where did that leave me!"

"Nobody cares!"

Shadow zoomed over to Sesshoumaru and hugged him. "Fluffy cares!"

The fanatic on the screen fumed, then the screen went black.

"Get off me!" Sesshoumaru snapped.

"Can I sit on your lap?"

"No."

Shadow huffed away. "Fine! I'll go sit on Tsume's lap! He's wearing leather!" The second the words left her mouth, Tsume dropped his human disguise. You can't very well sit on a wolf's lap, can you? She pouted and glanced around, then zoomed over and sat on Miroku's lap.

"He'll let me," she said, sticking her tongue out at Sesshoumaru. "He likes me more than you do."

"Yes, he does," the demon lord agreed. Eclipse let out a squeal, zoomed over, and plopped down on Sesshoumaru's lap without asking permission. He growled irritably. She hugged him and pet his head like a dog.

"I love you, Fluffy. Are you going to rip me limb from limb?"

"I might."

"Awwww..."

He groaned. "I hate you."

"So you've said," Shadow pointed out. "Can I camp in your sleeve?"

"No."

"Can I... have a party in your sleeve?"

"No."

She zoomed over without a word and jumped down his sleeve. He yipped, then growled with annoyance. Then his eyes got wide. Inuyasha was watching with interest and curiosity.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing," Sesshoumaru growled. His left arm withdrew into his sleeve where Shadow was and she yelped and ducked as he nearly elbowed her in the head. "Get out!"

"No!" she chirped happily.

"Now!" he snarled.

"But your skin is so smooooooth!"

"Shadow..." Yusuke muttered. "What are you doing?"

"Fluffy's pretty!" Eclipse sang. "Fluffy's pretty, Fluffy's pretty!"

"Nothin'," Shadow answered.

"She's touching me," Sesshoumaru muttered.

"Shadow, you're humiliating Sesshoumaru," Yusuke said. "You should stop."

Eclipse continued singing, "Fluffy's pretty! Fluffy's pretty! Fluffy's pretty!"

Shadow sighed. "Fine, I'll stop harassing Sesshoumaru... even though it's so much fun. He gets mad too easily." She popped out of his sleeve and grabbed Eclipse, flinging her across the room. She slammed into Saitou and knocked him over. Shadow didn't give her a second glance as she took her place on Sesshoumaru's lap like she hadn't just done that. "You need to relax, Fluffy!"

"Stop calling me that."

"You need to unwind!"

"Leave me alone."

"Hiei used to be a jerk like you."

"Are you calling me a jerk?"

"Yes. He used to be like you, then he met me. So my goal for our stay in this here place is to make you CHILL OUT!"

"Stop shouting!"

"Want a massage? I can give you a massage. You'll relax then. It'll really help. I'm really good at massages. Hiei says so."

"I don't give a damn about what Hiei says."

"Are you sure you don't want a massage? You want me to be your slave? I'll feed you and love you and do everything for you."

Eclipse, who'd gotten up off Saitou (more like 'had been shoved off and nearly Gatotsu-ed, only to have Kenshin and Sanosuke save her'), now grabbed Shadow's ponytail and swung her around in a full circle a few times, then flung her across the room. She plowed over Hiro, Koga, and Kiba on her way to the wall, which she slammed into and stuck on like glue. Acting like she hadn't just injured her best friend and three hot guys, Eclipse sat down on Fluffy's lap.

"Ignore her," she purred, stroking his chest with one finger. "She's retarded. I'm much more relaxing than her."

Sesshoumaru flopped backwards and laid down with his arms flung out. "I hate you both equally."

"But I can help you relax!" Eclipse chirped, straddling his waist and laying on him so their faces were equal.

There was a war cry from across the room and Shadow came running and screaming. She lunged to do a bodyslam, then yelped when she realized she'd smash Fluffy as well. Using her small brain, she sailed right over him, caught herself with her hands, and flipped to her feet. She ran and kicked Eclipse off him, sending her plowing into Yusuke, then Shadow lunged over Fluffy and Yusuke and bodyslammed Eclipse. Eclipse, of course, screeched in agony and they started snarling and hissing and beating each other up. After a few seconds of rolling around scratching and strangling, they simultaneously leapt to their feet a few feet apart and lunged at each other in random kicks and punches that totally accidentally ended up blocking each other (their policy when fighting each other: No defense, all offense. Thus, blocking hits was accidental).

In the process of them mauling each other, they knocked over Inuyasha, Miroku, Sano, Ed, Roy, Karasu, and nearly smashed Tsume altogether, but him and his wolfy agility dodged them. Only to have Eclipse flung at him and land on top of him. Oh well. Better than being entirely flattened by two girls hell bent on murdering each other without a thought in the world of anything else.

Well, almost anything else. They nearly plowed over Yuki, and when they realized this, quickly apologized and were instantly across the room killing each other so they wouldn't maul him. Lucky Yuki.

However, unlucky Aoshi was across the room from lucky Yuki. But it turned out he wasn't all that unlucky anyways. Right in the middle of nearly killing each other, both of them lunged over and hugged him.

"You have the same last name as me!" Eclipse cheered. Then she jumped back and ran away singing. Shadow tore off after her and tackled her face first into the ground.

"Well if nothing else, they're entertaining," Sano said, nursing a bruise on his chest from when he was plowed into.

"They're stupid," Ed pouted.

The girls were on him in a second. "What!"

"What'd you say shorty?" Eclipse asked.

"Really!" Shadow backed up.

"You're so short I have to bend over to look you in the eye! And I'm short!"

"Yeah shorty!" Shadow said, shoving Eclipse and redirecting her insults towards the other girl. "You midget!"

"Oh, shut the hell up! You're like, two inches taller than me," Eclipse snapped.

"Fuck you!"

"Bitch!"

"Hoe!"

"Whore!"

"Slut!"

"Skank!"

"Dick!"

"Hey, now that's over the edge! I'm a girl! Calling me a hoe and all that is fine, but I don't have a dick!"

"I didn't say you did," Shadow said. "I said you were one."

"That's worse. Dicks are ugly."

"And you would know."

"SO WOULD YOU! COCK SUCKER!" Eclipse shrieked.

"Have you forgotten you admitted your little sin to me?"

"No! But you've done it more than me!"

"Says who? How should I know that for sure?"

"I only did it once! You've probably been giving Hiei blowjobs every night since school ended!"

"Have not!" Shadow snapped.

"Well you've done it more than once and that's all that matters!"

"SO! You're still a cock sucker, even if you've only done it once! So stop complaining, cock sucker!"

"You're a cock sucker! Shut up!"

"So we're BOTH cock suckers! Let's just stop arguing about it!"

There was a pause where both of them glared with clenched fists and evil eyes, then they both grinned stupidly.

"YAY! Cock suckers unite!" They linked arms and started skipping around singing. They skipped over to Karasu and linked arms with him. "Come on, cock sucker!"

"I am not!" he whined.

They let go and jumped back in unison.

"What!"

"You mean you're a virgin?"

"Then how are you so gay?"

"You are _not _a virgin!"

"No you're not!"

"You had an affair with little Toguro!"

"And big Toguro!"

"And Bui!"

"And Sakyo!"

"And... and... some other guys!"

Karasu sniffled. "You're evil."

"YEP!" they cried in unison. Then they linked arms and kept skipping.

_**

* * *

**_

Hiei and Kurama, meanwhile, were sulking around in Shadow's house. Kurama had made tea (something Shadow never did. In fact, he'd had to ransack the kitchen to even find any), which he'd intended to drink, but was now staring at without much appetite.

There was a knock on the door.

Neither moved.

The knocking got more persistent.

"GUYS? ARE YOU IN THERE?"

It was Kuwabara. Hiei was staring at his tea cup so intensely that the tea was boiling. Kurama's tea had been cold for about ten minutes. He was staring at his reflection. It looked pathetically sad. Kokuei was sitting at the table as well, her head resting on it as her eyes roved from Hiei's miserable face to Kurama's.

"**GUYS!**"

The door opened. After a minute, Kuwabara appeared in the doorway. "Oh, you guys are here! Thank God. Is Yusuke here?"

No response. "Guys? What's wrong?"

Hiei's tea cup exploded and he slammed his fist down on the broken shards. Very intelligent. "Dammit!" he snapped angrily. Then he looked at his hand and wrist. "Dammit..."

"Okay, what's wrong!" Kuwabara snapped, taking the seat Kokuei had abandoned hastily at Hiei's outburst.

Hiei watched the blood running down his arm and sighed. Kurama's eyes finally left his tea to stare at Hiei's wounds. "You should bandage those."

"Yeah."

Kuwabara stared at them. "Where's Shadow and Eclipse?"

"We don't know," Hiei said.

"You don't _know_?"

"Nope."

Hiei started licking his wounds.

"Don't do that," Kurama snapped. "Come on." He got up.

"I don't know where Yusuke is, either," Kuwabara told them, standing up as Hiei did.

"Really?" Kurama asked, finally sounding a little interested.

"Yeah. I was hoping you knew."

"We hardly care at the moment," Hiei said, following Kurama downstairs. Kuwabara trailed after them, as did Kokuei, who'd been acting oddly clingy since Hiei had started sulking.

"So... Why would they be gone? Where would they go?"

"They've totally vanished," Hiei said plainly. He pulled his headband off and closed his eyes as the Jagan opened. After a minute, he said, "So has Yusuke."

"Well maybe you just can't see them."

Hiei rounded on the human. "_What?_"

"I mean, couldn't they have their ki masked or something and be hiding from you or something? I mean, where would they have gone that they could be totally gone from you seeing them!"

"Makai. Reikai. Another dimension."

"Why would Urameshi go to another dimension?"

"I don't know. Maybe Shadow kidnapped him," Hiei said, not particularly caring about Yusuke.

"I wouldn't put it past her."

Hiei glared at Kuwabara, then went the rest of the way into the infirmary. He sat down on the bed Kurama pointed to as the redhead gathered medical supplies to clean up the multiple rather deep gashes that were spilling blood down his arm.

"Wow... That looks really nasty," Kuwabara noted, examining Hiei's hand and arm. "Doesn't that hurt?"

"Not really. Leave me alone."

"... Okay... You're really bummed, aren't you?"

Hiei looked at him. "How would you feel if Yukina went back to Makai and refused to contact you?"

"She would never do such a thing!"

"Shut up and answer the question."

"Well... I'd be heartbroken."

"Exactly. And she's not even your girlfriend."

"Yes she is!"

"No she's not. Shut up."

"I hate you, Hiei!"

"Join the club!" the fire demon snapped.

Kokuei barked angrily at them.

"Shut up!" Hiei snapped at her. She jumped up on the bed next to him and licked his face. He sighed. "Fine, sorry... stupid mutt."

She glared.

"Why do you talk to your dog?" Kuwabara asked.

"Because she understands it," Hiei replied, scratching Kokuei's ears.

"She does?"

"Yeah," he said, watching Kurama wrap bandages around his wrist.

"Prove it."

"Kokuei, go get my sword from my bedroom," he said. The dog jumped down and left the room. Kuwabara's eyes widened a bit.

"That doesn't prove anything."

"No shit. She's still on her way up there, stupid."

By the time Kurama was finished bandaging Hiei's cuts, the dog was back with Hiei's sword held between her teeth so lightly it didn't even leave marks on the sheath.

"Thank you," he said, clipping it to his belt and looking pointedly at Kuwabara. "See?"

"That's scary."

"Yes. Now we're going to Reikai to have a little chat with Koenma."

"We are?"

"Yes. Now." Hiei got up and left. Kurama followed without hesitation. Kokuei looked at Kuwabara with her two-tone eyes narrowed, then jumped down from the bed and followed them. Kuwabara scrambled after her.

_**

* * *

**_

_"Kuchibiru to kuchibiru me to me to te to te, Kami-sama wa nanimo kinshi nanka shitenai," _Shadow sang, then Eclipse joined in, _"Aishite'ru, aishite'ru, aishite'ru!" _Eclipse continued the song alone, _"Atashi mada koritenai otona ja wakan'nai--"_

Of course, they were singing loudly after their captors had declared it 'lights out' and turned the lights out. So they were sitting on either side of Sesshoumaru, holding his arms around them, singing One Half from Rurouni Kenshin while everybody was trying to sleep. The only ones so far to succeed were Yusuke and Sanosuke.

"Sesshoumaru..." Inuyasha growled. "Do something about them!"

There was a short pause. "I was considering it," he stated. "But then you asked, so I changed my mind."

It wasn't hard to pinpoint locations from voices, so Inuyasha got up and started in the general direction he heard the singing from. Granted, it echoed everywhere in the seemingly endless room, but from Sesshoumaru's voice, he figured out where they were. There was absolutely zero light in the room, so he couldn't see squat.

He reached out hesitantly when he felt he was close to his brother, and put his hand on the top of his head. "Ha!"

"Remove your hand before I remove it for you," he heard his brother's cold voice say. He obeyed, grinning, and squatted down reaching out to each side, using his best judgement, and clamped his hands over each Shadow and Eclipse's mouths.

They bit him.

"OW!"

Then they started swearing in English at him.

Then Sesshoumaru clamped his hands over their mouths and they silenced instantly and did not bite him or swear or struggle.

Next thing he knew, they were snoring.

There was a collective sigh from everyone awake.

* * *

**I love "One Half" and Rurouni Kenshin and have no affiliation with them, their creators, their characters, their settings, their names, dates, ages, mothers, brothers, sisters, cousins, dogs, cats, aunts, uncles, cockroaches, et cetera. The same goes for everything else in this story, except Shadow and Eclipse and Kokuei and all the fanatical obsessive people.**

I think I'm gonna write a narrative for creative writing (due tomorrow, had all week to work on it, brain pooped and couldn't think)... about Shadow... I shall tell everyone how insane I am and she is. I shall tell of her birth, and her, uh... un-death... Cuz she ain't gonna die for quite some time if she has any say.  
And, unlike most mortals, she does.

**-SJ**


	3. Hello, Now Go Away

**(October 16, 2005) Yay a new chapter I am so excited. Teehee on monotone no-punctuation sentences.  
**So, how is everyone? Marvelous? That's excellent. I'm currently writing chapter seven, I believe... I never know where I am in the story... It doesn't really matter when you don't have much of a plan. I think this story might make it up to 10 chapters... 9, at least, I think. Which means I'll probably be posting it for another month and a half at this rate...  
Speaking of this rate, I'm sorry I'm posting so slowly... I totally forgot all about posting, since I didn't get some great influx of reviews like I usually do... I think I have about 50 right now... My review ambitions aren't too high for this story... 250 should make me happy, if this rate of reviewingcontinues and I really do end up having nine chapters...  
**So anyways... No warnings for this chapter, I think it's actually fairly innocent... Amazing...

* * *

**

**CHAPTER SAN  
**Hello. Now Go Away.

Hiei, Kurama, and Kuwabara arrived at Reikai shortly after Hiei had announced that they were going. Koenma was stamping papers and an unusual number of ogres were rushing in and out of his office. Hiei led the way in, straight up to his desk, and slammed his palms down on the surface. Koenma nearly jumped out of his underwear.

"GOD! Hiei! What are you doing here?"

"Shadow's missing."

"What?"

"And Eclipse," Kurama added.

"And Yusuke," Kuwabara said.

"Yusuke's missing!" Koenma cried. Hiei growled. "Er, and Shadow and Eclipse, too?"

"Yes."

"What do you want me to do about it? They probably ran off together! I don't have time--AHHHH!"

Hiei's aura exploded the second Koenma insinuated that Shadow was so disloyal as to ditch _him_ for _Yusuke_. The toddler was now hiding under his desk. Kurama fished him out and held him by his collar. He poofed into his teenage form so Hiei wasn't so much bigger than him, but was still just as threatened by the fire demon.

"Search for her, stupid," Hiei stated plainly. "And apologize for being such a dick."

"Sorry! I'm sorry! And searching for Shadow, I'm sorry to say, is not my highest priority--AHHHGGGG!"

"**WELL _MAKE IT_ YOUR HIGHEST PRIORITY!**"

"Jeesh, shorty," Kuwabara said. "Calm down."

"Shut up!"

"Sorry!"

"And you can look for Yusuke too if you want at the same time," Kurama suggested. "Just find the girls. They simply vanished." He snapped his fingers. "Just like that."

"They vanished? But isn't that normal?"

"No," Hiei said. "Not in the middle of the night."

"And they usually come back after not all that long," Kurama added.

"And my Jagan can find them."

"You can't find them with your Jagan?"

"No. So they aren't in Ningenkai."

Koenma sighed. "Fine. I'll look for them. But there have been multiple time warps and disappearances all over the place. So far the only reports have been males, aged anywhere from 14 to centuries old." He returned to his desk as Hiei and Kurama relaxed a bit and started shuffling through papers. He handed a few to each of the two demons. Kuwabara peered over their shoulders.

"Himura Kenshin?" Kurama muttered thoughtfully. "Isn't he...?"

"I know these names," Hiei agreed, pretty much finishing Kurama's thought. "Sagara... Saitou... They were the ones..."

"In that room with us when we were abducted, yes," Kurama finished. "Inuyasha and Miroku and Sesshoumaru..."

"Oh, God... Sesshoumaru..." Hiei muttered.

"He was the one Shadow and Eclipse--"

"Chained themselves to. If this is what I'm thinking it is," Hiei said, handing the papers back to Koenma, "then Shadow's disappearance was an accident, and..."

"They meant to get _us._"

Kuwabara was staring. "What are you talking about, and would you please stop finishing each others sentences?"

"What?" the two said in unison.

"What do you mean 'if it is what you're thinking it is'?" Koenma asked.

"Remember that time a few years ago that you refused to help Shadow and Eclipse find us?" Kurama asked.

"And they ended up killing some guy to get a time capsule or something?" Hiei added.

"We had been kidnapped by fanatical girls and taken into the year 2010 to be put through the..."

"Ultimate Bishounen Challenges," Hiei spat. Koenma snickered.

"Oh yeah," he chuckled. "That caused a lot of problems in the time-space thing..."

"It also traumatized us," Hiei muttered, "but far be it from you to care."

"So our point is," Kurama pressed on, "if that happened again, sometime in the future of their future..."

"And our future, too," Hiei reminded. "Their future is our future."

"Whatever. So if that happened, and they were kidnapping bishounen again... Perhaps... they somehow got Shadow and Eclipse."

Koenma stared. "But they aren't bishounen."

"Obviously not, but..."

"Do you have pictures of these guys?" Kurama asked. "Eiri Yuki, Hiroshi Nakano, Edward Elrich, and Roy Mustang."

"Yes..." The screen displayed four pictures and Koenma pointed to each one and named them.

"Yes. That's what happened, I would bet anything," Hiei said.

"Those are definitely bishounen," Kurama agreed.

"So are you saying the problem's solved and you can leave me to my work now?" Koenma asked hopefully.

"No, the problem is not solved until I get Shadow back," the fire demon snarled.

"And Eclipse," Kurama added. "Don't forget her."

"Whatever. So we just have to find the _time_ they're in, correct?"

"Yes. How long will that take?"

"A few days to a couple weeks," the toddler muttered.

"_WHAT!_"

_**

* * *

**_

The first face to face encounter with the fanatic girls occured a full day after their capture. The screen fuzzed, then a face appeared.

"Please prepare to meet your wives or wives to be!" she announced.

"What about us!" Shadow and Eclipse called in unison.

"You will be going to the dungeon," the girl said sourly, "where you will be beaten to death."

Shadow shrieked and fell sobbing into Sesshoumaru's arms. Eclipse sniffled.

"I can't die! I've never had sex!"

Shadow leapt on her and pulled her hair. "I'M the one who should be more concerned with that! At least I've had my boyfriend longer than like, two months! You little freak!"

Eclipse screamed until Roy yanked Shadow back and made her let go of her best friend's hair.

Then... ZAP!

All sixteen bishies found themselves in a room alone with a girl. In most cases, she was either skantily clad, dressed seductively, or in some way all prettied up.

Shadow and Eclipse found themselves in a dungeon, side by side. Before they had a chance to take in their surroundings, they were shoved back against the wall and roughly forced into shackles. Their evil tormentors stepped back, and Shadow stared. Identical twins. And fairly hot, too. Guys, of course.

"Are you gonna kill us?" she asked.

"Those are our orders." Her tormentor paused. "Though... you're such pretty girls, I wouldn't mind having a little fun first..."

"Ooh, fun, huh?" Shadow teased, thrusting her hips forward a bit. The second the guy laid hands on her, she screamed like somebody had just ripped her kidneys out her back with their bare hands. He lunged back, and would have fallen if his twin hadn't caught him.

"**FLUFFYYYYY! HELP ME, THEY WANT TO RAPE ME AND BEAT ME TO DEATH! FLUFFY!**"

Eclipse joined in. "**FLUFFY! HELP! FLUFFY! FLUFFFFFFYYYYYYYYY!**"

Way, way upstairs, Sesshoumaru was a bit busy with his own problems to care about the girls he did indeed hear screaming their lungs out several floors below.

"Sesshoumaru," his particular fanatic purred, slinking closer to him as he backed up, "I know you've been alone for oh so long, with only Jaken and Rin for company... I bet you never get any satisfaction..."

"I don't want any," he stated plainly, dodging the bed (only furniture in the room) and backing towards the wall.

"Oh, honey... You know you don't mean that... You love me!"

"I've never met you, and if you come any closer, I'll kill you." His hand glowed threateningly.

The girl stopped and clenched her fists, stomping her foot down. "You let those two stupid girls hang all over you but you want to kill me!"

"Yes."

"EXPLAIN THAT TO ME!"

"They aren't sick, slutty, and delusional."

"WHAT? How can you say they aren't sluts! Did you see what they were wearing?"

"Yes."

"And it's not slutty?"

"They aren't trying to seduce me."

"They're sitting on your lap!"

He shrugged. "So?"

"I HATE YOU! WHY ARE YOU BEING SO MEAN? YOU'RE USUALLY SUCH A SWEETHEART TO ME!"

"I'll repeat this: I've never met you before. I hate you. I will not hesitate to kill you. I want you to return me home."

The girl sat on the bed. She was silent for a moment. "I won't send you back. I'll get you to love me some way or another."

Zap! He was back in the white room. Now he considered helping Shadow and Eclipse (their shrieks were still very audible), but being as the room had no doors, windows... walls... he wouldn't know how.

So he sat down to enjoy the time he had alone while he could. If there was one thing he'd learned about those two girls it was that they could take care of themselves.

Meanwhile, Ed was freaking out, Inuyasha and Koga were snarling at their "wives"; Tsume and Kiba were in their wolf forms glaring out from under the bed at their "wives"; Hiro and Kenshin were blushing and trying to politely decline; Saitou, Aoshi, and Yusuke were threatening their fanatical obsessive girls, while Yuki, Roy, Sano, Karasu, and Miroku were not minding the attention so much as the others. In fact, Karasu, terribly starved for attention, seemed very set on letting this girl 'seduce' him. Of course, he hadn't for a moment forgotten about Sesshoumaru, the beautiful angel, with his long, flowing silvery hair, his gorgeous, golden eyes, and the calm voice that seemed only to change when Shadow and Eclipse were being particularly psychotic towards him.

One by one, the guys who were freaking out on their fanatics reappeared in the room where Sesshoumaru was sitting. Of course, it was just his luck that Inuyasha was zapped in first.

Neither of them ignorant to Shadow and Eclipse's shrieks from somewhere else, they stood and faced each other.

"Ha. So we're finally alone, Sesshoumaru," Inuyasha chuckled. He grabbed the Tetsusaiga and smirked.

"I'm not going to fight you, Inuyasha."

"_What!_" He nearly fell on his face. Sesshoumaru didn't want to fight him? He had the perfect opportunity! Right now! They were alone. No distractions. "Why not!"

"Simply because you are always looking for a fight, and you always lose. And this is hardly the place."

"Why I'll... I do not always lose! I cut off your arm!"

Sesshoumaru raised it. "I have it back. Author's perogative."

"WELL WHEN YOU GET OUT OF HERE IT'LL BE GONE, AND IT'LL BE MY FAULT!"

"I hate you, Inuyasha. Killing you would be too easy, even with one arm."

"You rat!" Inuyasha lunged at him and they got into an uncharacteristic brotherly fistfight. Of course, the younger of the two ended up on his back with Sesshoumaru over him. The demon lord drew his fist back to knock a few of Inuyasha's teeth out when lo and behold, Tsume and Kiba simultaneously appeared.

Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha looked at them. Tsume gave a wolfy shrug and turned his back, his tail swishing out behind him. Kiba glanced at them, then followed Tsume's example and sat down calmly.

So, Sesshoumaru slammed his fist into the side of his brother's face. Once, then twice, then Kenshin appeared.

"AHHH! Brothers shouldn't fight, that they shouldn't!" He rushed over and tried to drag Sesshoumaru away, of course failing miserably. He did manage to stop further assault on the half demon by clinging to Sesshy's arm so he couldn't move it without waving the swordsman around.

"Get OFF," the demon snapped, flinging his arm wide and sending Kenshin sailing. He smacked into Saitou just as he appeared.

He abruptly became aware that Shadow and Eclipse had stopped screaming. It only concerned him the slightest bit. Inuyasha had got to his feet and now seemed ready to stupidly lunge right back into the fight.

Yusuke zapped in, then Ed, Aoshi, and Hiro almost simultaneously. A minute later, Koga appeared, just as Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru lunged at each other and continued their pointless, pretty much unprovoked fistfight. He watched Inuyasha get beat down and laughed at him when his brother left him twitching on the floor to go sulk around away from the group.

Shadow and Eclipse, meanwhile, had broken free of their shackles and beat the crap out of their would-be tormentors. Now they were sitting in the dungeon making s'mores over a fire fueled by said would-be tormentors' clothes.

"I wonder if Fluffy's worried?" Eclipse puzzled.

"I bet he is!" Shadow realized. "We shouldn't worry him so! Let's go!" She grabbed her s'mores and jumped through a window that appeared out of nowhere. Eclipse followed, and they plummetted downwards to slam into the floor on either side of Sesshoumaru. He glanced at them and sighed.

"I see you didn't die."

"No!"

"Were you worried?"

"We're so sorry for making you worry!"

"Do you forgive us?"

"Do you love us?"

"We love _you!_"

"I don't care," he stated plainly.

"Aww, we know that deep down you don't mean that," Shadow taunted, hugging him.

"You know that deep inside you're really touched that we love you," Eclipse added.

"No."

"Yeeess!" they argued in unison, grinning.

"Oh!" Shadow said suddenly. "What did they do to you?"

"What?"

"When they zapped you up!" Eclipse added, adding hand motions to emphasize.

"What did they do? Did they molest you?"

"Rape you?"

"Beat you?"

"No," Sesshoumaru replied. Shadow grabbed the armor on his chest and shook him back and forth.

"Be more VOCAL! You must use many words! Tell us what they did!"

He grabbed her wrists. "She has delusions I love her and that we've been married for some amount of time, and she called me honey."

Shadow and Eclipse gasped in unison. "That **_BITCH!_**"

Sesshoumaru's eyes widened a little bit at their reaction. "It wasn't _that_ bad..."

"I can't believe she called you honey!"

"Did she _touch_ you?"

"She better not have!"

"I'll make her pay if she did!"

"She'll suffer anyway for thinking you, the great _Lord Sesshoumaru_, could possibly _love_! _Anyone!_ Especially not some complete stranger!"

"A puny _human_ stranger on top of it!"

"That **_bitch!"_** they said in unison again.

"If you say so."

"_Did_ she touch you?" Shadow asked.

"No."

"Did you kill her?"

"No."

"Why NOT?"

"She put me back here before I could."

"What! You, with your inhuman abilities, were out-speeded by a puny human?"

"No."

"Well then what happened?"

"She said she'd make me love her after I threatened to kill her, then I was back here."

"Oh," they said, seeming satisfied enough with that. "Okay."

Shadow looked around. "Where's Karasu?"

"And Miroku?" Inuyasha muttered, glancing around. Sesshoumaru flung his arm out and sent his brother flying with a lash from his whip.

"What was that for!" Kenshin cried.

"The hell of it," Sesshoumaru said, surprised to hear Shadow and Eclipse snap the same thing angrily at Kenshin at the same time.

"Oh," the swordsman muttered. "Well... it wasn't very nice... that it wasn't..."

"It was funny though!" Eclipse piped up, then promptly proved her point by cracking up laughing hysterically to the point of falling over.

"Delayed reaction," Shadow muttered. She kicked Eclipse in the head. "Baka."

"Owie..."

Sanosuke promptly appeared, looking a little out of sorts. Kenshin looked at him curiously.

"Sano, what happened?"

"I, uh... Nothing."

Shadow snickered. "I bet he got some," she whispered to Eclipse.

"That was a quickie, then. It's only been like, fifteen minutes..."

"Maybe a little longer. You can have sex in fifteen minutes, can't you?"

"I don't know! Why ask me?"

"You're the one with the Slut of Makai as your boyfriend..."

"Hey! I take offense at that! Kurama's not a slut! Kurama is a highly dignified fellow."

"Fellow," Shadow snickered. Eclipse ignored her.

"He only slept with people he found attractive. Sluts sleep with people who pay them. Like Hiei. Hiei's a slut."

Shadow stopped snickering instantly. "**What!**"

"I sense an imminent cat fight!" Yusuke yelped. He ran over and grabbed Shadow. "Relax... Don't kill her... Hiei's not a slut... Hiei's a very... um... selective... person..."

"Nuh-uh! He had sex with Mukuro, remember? She's only got one booby!" Eclipse teased.

Shadow swung her leg back and hit Yusuke's nuts, instantly freeing herself from his grip (he has a skull of brick, but his nuts are as vulnerable as the next guy's). She lunged at Eclipse.

"You BITCH!"

Sesshoumaru watched them curiously from where he sat on the floor. They'd done nothing but fight the entire time they'd been there, but this time Shadow actually seemed... annoyed. Angry? He was sure this was bad. So...

He continued sitting in the same place.

"You'll regret that! I'll toast you! Then YOU'LL only have one booby!" Shadow yelled, forming a ball of fire and flinging it at Eclipse. The girl screamed and lunged out of the way. "Kurama will be pissed THEN!"

"Yeah, at you!" She leapt at Shadow, who flung more fire at her. Having no particular option while in mid-air, she used her demon power in a fight for the first time in her memory. A silvery ball of water appeared in her hands and she flung her hands out to the side, spreading the liquid to form a shield. The fire hit it and the combination turned into steam. Eclipse kept coming at Shadow, who caught both her hands before she hit her.

"Dude! You just used your power!"

Eclipse blinked. "I did!"

"Yes, stupid, you did!"

"...I don't... remember..."

Collective face fault, minus all those too dignified. In other words, Sesshoumaru. Shadow smacked her across the face.

"STOOPID!" She paused. "Dude, you musta really been pissed at me for all that stuff I said about Kurama... Not only did you try to kill me, but you used your power..."

"I didn't try to kill you, you tried to kill me!"

"I did not! I would never do such a thing!"

"I called Hiei a skanky dirty slut, remember?"

"Just a slut," Yusuke said helpfully. Eclipse flung a rock at him.

"BUTT OUT!"

He shrugged. "Just trying to help. I figured it'd be better Shadow knew you hadn't called him skanky and dirty the first time, y'know? Cuz--YIKES!"

Shadow flung a really big rock at him. "Shut up, skank!" She zoomed over to Eclipse, grabbed her hand, and zoomed back over to Fluffy. She plopped down and pulled Eclipse down too.

"Now!" she said. "Do it again."

"Do what again?"

"Use your power, you slut!"

Eclipse burst into tears. "I'm not a slut! You are!"

"I'm a whore, get it right. Now... um... what were we talking about?" She looked to Sesshoumaru for help.

"You were talking about E--About how much you'd like to leave me alone."

Shadow paused and looked at Eclipse, then Sesshoumaru, then Eclipse. "Not much."

"Nah," Eclipse agreed.

"Ha ha!" Inuyasha laughed from across the room, pointing.

"I can still reach you over there," Sesshoumaru reminded, barely glancing at him.

His brother zoomed over and hid behind Tsume. "Ha ha!" he repeated, still pointing. The wolf sidestepped and Sesshoumaru hit his brother with his light whip again. "OWWW!"

"You're lucky I didn't aim for your face."

"Aww, why DIDN'T you?" Eclipse demanded.

"He couldn't kill his own BROTHER!" Shadow snapped. "That'd be like you killing Kei--Okay, never mind. But Inuyasha isn't a lecherous pervert like your little brother, and Fluffy isn't a soulless demon who could do such a thing as kill his own brother and not regret it."

"Aww, yeah!" Inuyasha said, appearing right next to Sesshoumaru (he's using his super anime speed to seem to appear, yes? He's not appearing like Shadow & Eclipse do). "Sesshy _loves_ me, _doesn't he?"_ He pinched his brother's cheeks in the grandmother 'you're sho kyute!' manner.

Sesshoumaru grabbed his brother by his face and slammed him into the floor.

ZAP! appeared Miroku. He got his bearings, glanced around, and saw Inuyasha thrashing around on the floor while his brother held him down by his face and snarled threats and obseneties.

"It seems I came back at a bad time," he muttered to himself. Shadow and Eclipse, who'd been too utterly fascinated by Inuyasha nearly getting his face melted by his brother's poison claws, glanced up. Shadow jumped to her feet and ran to Miroku and jumped on him, hugging him.

"Miroku, you're back! Did you get all sexed up?"

"I would never betray Sango like that!" he said defensively.

"Inuyasha's gonna die!" Eclipse screeched. "HURRY IF YOU WANNA SEE IT!"

Shadow zoomed over and knelt, bending down to get at the perfect level to watch. "Are you hurting, Inuyasha?" she asked.

"NO!" he snapped. "I just think my skin is melting!" His voice was slightly muffled from Sesshoumaru having his hand over his mouth. "That would never hurt!"

"Sesshoumaru, um..." Miroku muttered. "Maybe you could um... cut him some slack?"

"Shut up," the demon lord said dryly. He paused, then simply tightened his grip on Inuyasha's face, lifted his head, and smacked it into the floor.

"Ow!" the half-demon whined. Sesshoumaru backed off.

"The only thing keeping me from killing you right now is the possibility that if I do, I would likely be... punished... by our captors."

"And God knows what that'll be," Shadow muttered. "She'd probably RAPE you!"

"Speaking of rape..." Ed muttered, "does anyone know where Mustang is?"

"Who?" Shadow asked. "Oh! Oh, that cute guy with the black hair? The military guy?"

"Um... yeah, him."

"Oh, probably being raped!" she cheered. "Who knows. While we're on the subject, where's Karasu and Mr. Sexy?"

"You mean Yuki?" Hiro reminded dryly.

"Yeah, that's what I said. Mr. Sexy," Eclipse said.

"You didn't say it," Yusuke told her quietly.

"That's what I said," Shadow told him.

"What?"

"Who?"

"What!" Yusuke cried, now totally baffled.

"WIGGY!" Eclipse cheered. Shadow squealed.

"WIGGY!"

They linked arms and started doing a dance. "Wiggy wiggy wiggy woo!"

"I would much enjoy murdering you," Aoshi said.

"Oh my God!" They froze, striking a pose. Then a few more... before finally pointing at Aoshi. "He speaks! Speak again, o mighty one!"

"Shut up."

Shadow snapped her fingers. "Not exactly what I was hoping to hear..." She strolled over and plopped down on Fluffy's lap. "Hello Beautiful."

"Hi," he sighed, his chin resting on his hand as he gazed at a white spot on the wall. Shadow looked at the way he was not looking at her, then slowly slid into his line of view.

"Hello, Beautiful," she repeated. He put his other hand on the side of her face and pushed her out of his line of sight without moving any other part of his body.

"Hi," he returned, not looking at her. Shadow looked at him calculatingly, arms crossed thoughtfully.

Eclipse rather abruptly dropped into Sesshoumaru's line of sight. "HI FLUFFY!"

He sighed again, and closed his eyes.

"Fluffy?"

"Hello. Now go away." He pushed her away as well. She stood in the position she'd ended up in when he shoved her away for a moment, blinking, then she straightened up and also crossed her arms and began scrutinizing him.

"Sesshy's going through BMS," she finally announced. He sighed.

"What's BMS?" he asked dryly, only to humor her.

"Bitchy Male Syndrome!"

Shadow laughed. "That's funny!" Then she got an angry face and said in a British accent, "But my Sesshy is not _bitchy!_"

"Yes he is," Inuyasha muttered.

"Do you intentionally provoke everyone you come in contact with?" Koga asked.

"Are you tryin' to say something, dirty wolf?"

"Yeah! You're a jerk!"

"Grrrr!"

"I can't believe you let yourself get captured like this! Who's going to protect Kagome?"

"Kagome can take care of herself!"

"She better not be hurt when we get back!"

"Well if she is it's not my fault! YOU got captured TOO if you didn't NOTICE, stupid!"

Now it was Koga's turn to growl. "Grrrr!"

Roy rather abruptly was ZAPPED into the room, right between the two bickering guys. They both yelped like hurt dogs.

"Oh. Pardon me," he said. He strolled away. Ed caught up to him and started bitching at him.

"Where were you?"

"I was taking care of something."

Ed frowned. "I bet I can make a few guesses what you mean by that..."

"Edward, my life is not your business."

"Why not? You know everything _I_ do, so I think I should start snooping around in your life! And besides, if you're having... y'know... with a total stranger..."

"It's not your business. I wasn't, anyways."

"Then what were you doing for so long!"

"It's not your business, Ed."

He stopped and crossed his arms. "Stupid."

"I heard that, Ed."

Back with Sesshoumaru... Shadow was currently stroking his hair in a loving manner while singing a lullaby to him. He looked peeved. Yusuke, who had taken to hanging around the three of them, noticed this.

"Um... Shadow? Shouldn't you, uh, like, be, y'know... Mourning Hiei's sudden absence from your life?"

"He'll come rescue me," she said. "We'll make up. Not that he'll ever find out about all this, right?"

"Well..."

"RIGHT?"

"Right! I won't say a word."

"Excellent."

"Not that Hiei would care," Eclipse muttered. "After all, he's probably cheating on you with Kurama."

"Well then that means Kurama's cheating on you with Hiei, stupid! Is your boyfriend that disloyal?"

"Kurama would never cheat on me!"

"YOU JUST SAID HE WAS!"

"No, I said Hiei was cheating on YOU!"

"With Kurama! Therefore, Kurama is also with someone other than you, therefore, you are being cheated on by your boyfriend with my boyfriend."

The entire room silenced.

"**_WHAT!_**"they all cried in shock. Shadow jumped up.

"So my boyfriend's gay! With HER boyfriend! You got a problem with it! It's in their nature!" She broke down into tears in Sesshoumaru's lap.

"Being gay is in Hiei's nature?" Yusuke asked. "You are aware that if he ever found out you said that, he'd kill you, right?"

Shadow was instantly over her fake tears and lunged to her feet in his face. "He won't find out, _will he!_"

"No!" the teen yelped.

"Savior of the world, there," Eclipse muttered. Shadow looked around.

"Where's--"

ZAP! ZAP!

Yuki and Karasu both appeared.

"Yuki and Karasu!" she cheered. She zoomed over to Yuki and hugged him. She paused, looked at him thoughtfully, then zoomed over to Karasu, sniffed at him, and put her hands on her hips.

"You smell like sex."

"Thank you for announcing it."

"You're really quite welcome," she replied. She zoomed back over to Sesshoumaru and was about to sit in his lap when he stood up. Shadow fell on her butt on the floor.

The screen was displaying a girl's face again. Apparently, the Sesshoumaru fanatic was the ringleader of the Bishie Abduction 2.

"You guys must be hungry," she said sweetly. "We'll all have a nice big dinner together in about fifteen minutes, okay? In the meantime, you'll have your other needs tended to... Then we'll have dinner."

"What about _our_ needs?" Shadow asked, standing at the front of the group with her hands on her hips.

"You!" the fanatic cried. "You were supposed to be dead!"

"Yes, well, I've defied death many a time before and I'm not about to just stop cuz my murderer is some attractive shirtless guy with an identical twin." She paused. "Actually, hot guys have tried to kill me before... Often..." She got lost in her thoughts and Eclipse took over for her.

"Her point is, you'd better give us food and etcetera before you face our wrath! And before we molest Sesshy more than we already have!"

Shadow smacked her. "We have _not_ been molesting that poor beautiful guy!"

"That's what you say," Sesshoumaru muttered.

"We've decided the worst way for you to die is by starvation," the girl on the screen said. "So..."

ZAP! Shadow and Eclipse were alone in the white room. There was silence for a few minutes, then Eclipse described the situation in two simple words.

"This sucks."

Her stomach growled. "My stomach is eating itself."

"Eclipse..."

"What?"

"Would you be mad if I cannabalized you?"

"Did what?"

"ATE YOUR FLESH!"

Eclipse screamed and ran away. She slammed into the wall. "Ow."

* * *

**The next chapter was...** _fun..._ **to write... Eclipse nearly had to beat me to death to get half of it from my mind onto the screen... Note the sarcasmand the way I nearly choked on the word "fun."**

(Incidentally, did I mention that chapters 1, 2, 3, and part of 4 were all written at my best friend Eclipse's house?)


	4. OMIGOD!

**(October 24, 2005) I finally update!  
Just to warn you, parts of this chapter had to be dragged out of me with a big meat hook on one of those really heavy chains, so in other words, certain parts of this chapter bothered me to write them at the time... They still kinda disturb me (poor Fluffy!) but I'm kinda over it since the story has gotten progressively worse since, with no outside encouragement...**

* * *

**CHAPTER YON  
**OMIGOD!

The bishies were led into a huge dining hall with a huge table in it.

"Ladies, show them to their seats," the ringleader girl said. All the fanatics swarmed over and latched onto their favored bishounen, dragging him to his assigned seat. As it turned out, all the guys sat on one side and the girls sat across from them. Sesshoumaru's fanatic was at the head of the table, so lucky him, in order to sit across from her, sat clear at the other end, far, far away from her. Unfortunately, the closest guy to him was Karasu. He didn't know it was unfortunate, though, because Karasu hadn't made any advances to this point.

"You each had a meal prepared especially for your tastes!" a girl said, then walked down the table pulling the silver covers off all their meals. Of course, in typical Mary Sue wannabe fashion, they screwed up and half the guys ended up with something they wouldn't want. Lucky Inuyasha got his ramen though. Yippee. "Dig in!"

Sano, Yusuke, Inuyasha, and a few others got appealing meals. Sesshoumaru looked at his plate unfavorably and sighed, resting his cheek on his fist and his elbow on the table.

"No elbows on the table, dear!" he heard from across the room. He glared at the girl and put his other elbow on the table, just to piss her off. Karasu grinned and picked up his chopsticks.

"Didn't you hear her?" Inuyasha called. "Get your elbows off the table, Sesshoumaru!"

"Shut up!"

"Make me!" He stuck out his tongue.

"Keep your tongue in your mouth or I'll rip it off and shove it in your ear."

"Sesshoumaru!" the fanatic down the table snapped. "Mind your manners!"

"Shut the hell up."

The girl frowned and said something to the nearest girl that sounded something like, "Men..." Sesshoumaru snorted.

Karasu, meanwhile, had been staring at him the entire time. When the demon lord finally glanced at him, they locked eyes. Karasu grinned and picked up some ramen noodles with his chopsticks, tilting his head slightly and sticking out his tongue. He wrapped it around the noodles hanging off the chopsticks and sucked them into his mouth slowly, his eyes not leaving Sesshoumaru's. Still grinning, he slowly licked the broth off his lips. Sesshoumaru's expressionless face did not change, save for him raising one eyebrow ever so slightly. The crow picked up more noodles and opened his mouth wide, lowering them onto his tongue, which he then slid between the chopsticks to pull the noodles into his mouth.

The only reaction he got from Sesshoumaru was a sigh and a slight eye roll before he looked away. Pervert. Nobody else had noticed his antics. Lucky them.

_**

* * *

**_

Eclipse sat up suddenly and looked around. Sniffing the air, her eyes widened. "I smell food."

Shadow sat bolt upright, also looking around. "I smell ramen."

They looked at each other. "Let's go."

A gaping swirly hole appeared. Shadow stood up, one hand on her hip and the other straight up in the air. "ONWARD!"

"THROUGH THE HOLE!" Eclipse added, mimicking Shadow's pose.

"Me first!" Shadow moved towards the portal.

"No, me first!" Eclipse grabbed her arm and pulled her away.

"No! Me!" Shadow pulled her away. Eclipse shoved her. They tried to strangle each other, in effect falling through the gaping hole. It closed behind them.

_**

* * *

**_

Back in the dining hall, Sesshoumaru was being pestered by his fanatic.

"C'mon, you have to eat!"

"I don't eat human food."

"Just try it. It couldn't _hurt_ you! You're _Sesshoumaru!_"

He glared. "I don't want it. Leave me alone."

Rather abruptly, a gaping hole appeared above the table and two wrestling girls fell--CRASH!--right into the middle of the table, knocking over the candles and centerpieces and such. And the table. They put a hole right through it.

The nearest guys were on their feet in a second, while the fanatics screamed and fell over each other in an attempt to get away. Shadow and Eclipse stood up, glancing around curiously.

"Huh. Nice place," Shadow noted casually, as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

"FLUFFY!" Eclipse screamed, pointing.

"Fluffy! FLUFFY!"

They lunged up on the table and ran down it, kindly knocking over everything in their way, and lunged on Sesshoumaru. Luckily, he'd been one of the people to jump to his feet when the girls had appeared, so he managed to keep his balance (whereas, in the chair, he would have tipped over, which would have been humiliating). Shadow and Eclipse both kissed his cheeks, making him wince, then nuzzled up to him.

"We missed you!"

"Did you miss _us?_"

"GET OFF HIM!" the fanatic screamed. She spun to face the door, screaming, "SECURITY! SECURITY! GET IN HERE!"

Shadow and Eclipse had decided they were hungry, so they started snatching whatever food they could find. Karasu's ramen, what was left of Tsume's chicken, whatever parts of Sesshoumaru's meal looked edible... The girls were like starved scavengers, eating anything they could get their hands on (as long as it hadn't been on one of the slutty fanatics' plates. They probably had STDs). The wise people quickly grabbed whatever they wanted to eat before Shadow and Eclipse reached them. But the two girls were smarter than that (smart? Oh my god). They grabbed the food right out of peoples' hands if they had to.

Then security finally came in, headed by what Shadow recognized as the fanatic who'd gushed about Hiei being her husband and the father of her children.

Security had guns.

Shadow and Eclipse... didn't need guns.

"OH MY GOD!" Eclipse screamed. Shadow pointed a finger at the leader, looking dangerous, then paused, chewing her food. And chewing. And chewing. The girls started to get impatient, so she quickly swallowed.

"OH MY GOD!" she cried mockingly.

"THAT'S ALL YOU HAD TO SAY! YOU MADE US WAIT SO YOU COULD SAY _THAT!_ YOU LOSER!" The leader of security/Hiei fanatic started shooting. Shadow screamed.

"OMIGOD!" She and Eclipse lunged out of the way.

"DON'T SHOOT! YOU MIGHT HIT THE BISHIES!" the ringleader fanatic screamed.

"I DON'T CARE! THIS GIRL STOLE MY HUSBAND! MY PRECIOUS HIEI!"

Shadow crawled under the table and came out on the side the girls had been sitting on, which was nearer security. She picked up a handful of mashed potatos and flung it at the Hiei-fanatic.

Splat.

It hit her right in the face. She screamed.

"OH. MY. _GOD!_ You BITCH!" She grabbed a spoon and flung spaghetti sauce at Shadow. She ducked and it hit one of the fanatics. Shadow straightened back up and grabbed a piece of turkey soaked in gravy... looked at it... looked at the fanatic whose food she was flinging... looked back at the food...

"You do know this shit's full of carbs and junk, don't you?"

"Omigod!"

"You really don't need this. It's not healthy."

"Omigod! Are you calling me fat! You slut!"

"I'm a _whore._ Get it right." She took the turkey and dropped it down the girl's shirt.

"OMIGOD! OMIGOD! YOU FUCKING HOE!" She grabbed some of her mashed potatoes and smashed them in Shadow's hair.

"OMIGOD!" Shadow mocked. She poured the girl's glass of milk over her head. "TAKE THAT! SKANK! YOU'LL STINK LIKE ROTTEN MILK SOON!"

The fanatic sputtered indignantly. Shadow reached across the table and grabbed Inuyasha's bowl. All that was in it was ramen broth. But that was perfect. She stalked up to the Hiei-fanatic and turned the bowl upside down over her head.

"WOOHOO!" Eclipse cheered. She grabbed a plate of spaghetti and hurled it at the nearest fanatic.

Soon enough, a full-scale food war had broken out. Shadow and Eclipse led the attack, standing on the table and hurling anything they could (food or not) at the fanatics. Any bishounen who didn't want anything to do with the fight had quickly gravitated towards Sesshoumaru, because he was farthest from the fray as it was, and had moved farther away when the attack broke out.

However, just cuz they were out of the way didn't save them entirely. A stray piece of pizza flew over and hit Saitou. Right in the face. Kenshin snickered and nearly got Gatotsu'ed. A pea flew over and hit Aoshi, right after Saitou had got his face cleaned off (with his sleeve) and ducked behind him. Then another, and another.

"STOP IT!" the ninja screamed. Shadow's head perked up above the rest of them and she waved at him with a straw in her hand.

"Gomen nasai!" She dove back into battle.

Sesshoumaru glanced around the room. Maybe he could make a break for it while they were distracted. No. Dammit. The door was closed and there were several food-splattered girls in front of it. Damn them.

A chicken wing (what remained of it after Shadow had peeled every bit of edible meat off it) came flying across the room and hit Tsume in the side. He yelped and snarled, his fangs gleaming. Then he picked up the meat, sniffed it, and hurled it back in the direction it came. It smacked into some random girl.

"**ENOUGH!**"

Everyone froze. Shadow flung her handful of peas down and to the side, hitting some girl and sending them rolling into her shirt.

"I SAID STOP!" It was Sesshy's fanatic. She was covered from head to toe in stains.

"They started it!" Shadow whined, pointing at Security.

Yusuke looked at himself. "Ew... I'm covered in mashed potatoes..." He shot a glare at Shadow. She'd been the main potato-flinger. A halo appeared above her head and she smiled innocently, waving cutely at him. Then she blinked and looked around. Spotting the mob of fairly clean bishies in the corner, she danced towards them... and fell in the hole she'd created in the table when she and Eclipse fell into the room.

"Owww..." She grabbed the edge of the table and launched herself out, flying through the air towards Sesshoumaru. She flipped as she neared him, landing on her feet and falling forward... on top of Kenshin, as Fluffy had conveniently sidestepped. This, of course, effectively covered Kenshin in gravy, mashed potatoes, ramen broth, and chocolate pudding.

Not caring in the least about this, Shadow merely pet his hair while he lay there with swirly eyes, then stood up and looked to Fluffy.

"Are you unharmed, Lord Sesshoumaru?"

He raised an eyebrow. "'Lord'? You've never used any respect with my name before."

"I love your name! It's so beautiful!" She made a move to hug him and he sidestepped again. She hugged Karasu... thus, covering him in most of the same food stains as Kenshin. Noticing that she was not hugging Sesshoumaru, she lunged away. "EW!"

Karasu sighed. "I feel loved." Sesshoumaru glared at him.

"Fine, if you won't let me hug you... Are you unharmed?" she asked Fluffy.

"Yes, I'm unharmed."

"Are your clothes still angelic white?"

"Yes."

"Really?" She walked a circle around him. "Wow. Your clothes are like... anti-stain."

"...Sure. Whatever. Maybe it's just because nothing hit me."

Inuyasha grabbed a handful of spaghetti and hurled it at his brother. Eclipse lunged to block it, but it was too late.

Splat.

It hit him in the arm (I would NEVER hit Sesshoumaru in the face with spaghetti! I'll have Karasu lust after him, I'll sic Shadow and Eclipse on him, but to hit him in the FACE with SPAGHETTI... That's a death sentence). He looked at it and narrowed his eyes. He looked at Inuyasha with his eyes narrowed. Inuyasha smirked and waved.

Shadow grabbed Sesshoumaru's wrist as his hand glowed. "Don't kill him right now!"

"I thought you wanted to see carnage?"

She paused, brow furrowed. "Oh yeah." She let go. "Go for it."

Kenshin jumped on Sesshoumaru's arm and clung to it fiercely, arms and legs wrapped around it. "You shouldn't kill your brother, that you shouldn't!"

"GET OFF ME YOU MORON!"

He swung his arm wide and Kenshin went flying, landing on his back halfway across the room, on top of Roy, getting even _more_ stains, this time on his back. Shadow looked at them with raised eyebrows, as did most of the other people.

"Huh," she said. "Anyways..."

Eclipse groaned and stood up. Yeah. Remember when she flung herself in front of the spaghetti? She's just now getting up.

Looking at Sesshoumaru, she gasped at the sauce stain on his arm. "I FAILED!"

"YOU FAILED, YOU LOSER! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!" Shadow snapped, pointing an accusing finger at Eclipse.

"AT LEAST I TRIED! I DIDN'T SEE _YOU_ SACRIFICING YOUR HYGEINE TO SAVE HIM!"

"MY BACK WAS TURNED, HOEBAG!"

"WELL WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR DEMON INSTINCTS!"

Shadow narrowed one eye. "What 'demon instincts'?"

"I don't know. You're a half-demon. Don't you have those?"

"Do _you?_"

"...Do I what?"

Shadow rolled her eyes. Then she walked over to Yuki. "Are you unharmed too?"

"MR. SEXY!" Eclipse added, waving.

"I'm fine," he said, just to humor Shadow. How much can food harm you, anyways?

And suddenly Security came up and grabbed Shadow and Eclipse, dragging them away kicking and screaming. After a few minutes, once everyone had settled down after the two psychos left, the ringleader clapped her hands together.

"We can't have you guys going around with so many stains, can we? C'mon, get undressed. We'll wash your clothes and you can all bathe."

Everyone looked at her incredulously.

"What?" she asked.

"Get undressed?" Yusuke asked. "Right here? In front of you?"

"Why not?"

"I won't even get undressed in front of my GIRLFRIEND!"

"But you're going to spend the rest of your life with us! You should be more casual!"

"One, I'm not going to spend the rest of my life with you. Two, I'm not going to undress in front of you."

Another girl walked over and whispered something in the ringleader's ear. She smiled. "Good idea! Do it!"

The second girl ran out of the room. The leader giggled.

"What's so funny?" Koga asked bitterly.

"Oh, nothing." She continued giggling. And giggling. And giggling. Until...

ZAP!

All the guys found themselves in a large swimming pool-sized in-ground bathtub sort of thing full of hot water. The room was full of steam. There was a walkway along one wall, up near the very-high ceiling.

Once they got over the initial shock of being zapped from a messy dining hall into hot water, they realized that they were all undressed. Completely.

The water hid them, of course, but the fact remained that sixteen bishounen were suddenly bathing together.

Karasu was in heaven.

Everyone else was pissed off. A few were embarrassed (Ed). But mostly, they were pissed off.

And, of course, who did Sesshoumaru end up beside but his own little brother. And Karasu. Yes. I _am_ cruel. I know. It's a gift and a curse.

The demon lord glanced to his left. Inuyasha glanced to his right. They both narrowed their eyes evilly at each other. Sparks flew between them, yet neither would move or break eye contact.

Suddenly, Sesshoumaru's eyes widened. _Something_ was moving along his skin under the water. From his hip, down his leg a little ways, then back up. Then back down. Inuyasha looked confused by his brother's countenance, then the demon lord spun suddenly and grabbed Karasu's wrist, pulling it up out of the water.

"What the hell are you doing?" he snarled. Inuyasha's eyes widened when he realized what he'd just witnessed, then he peered around his brother to look at the crow.

"Your skin is really smooth," Karasu said.

"Never. Ever. Touch me. Again."

Inuyasha coughed, then snickered, then exploded with laughter. Sesshoumaru swung his fist back and cracked his brother in the face without even blinking. The dog hanyou fell backwards into the water. Miroku had to drag his head above water to keep him from drowning.

Yusuke had noticed the situation and hurriedly was crossing the pool towards them. Of course, he had to be clear on the other side, and the pool was big, and everyone was in the way. Of course.

Karasu glanced at the wrist Sesshoumaru was holding in his clawed hand, then looked at the demon's face and smiled slightly, moving closer to him, putting his other hand on his cheek.

"You're more beautiful than Kurama."

Sesshoumaru snarled, baring fangs. Karasu was unruffled as he pressed against his victim. (AHH! I feel so bad for Fluffy!)

"SESSHOUMARU!" Yusuke yelled, shoving a few more people out of the way to run the last few feet. "Don't kill him!"

"Why shouldn't I!" His grip on Karasu's wrist tightened, his eyes taking on a slightly reddish hint, claws digging into the crow's pale flesh.

"Well... um..."

"Shadow would be mad," Karasu offered calmly, his hand slipping off Sesshoumaru's cheek, down his chest lightly.

"I'm gonna need a better reason than that," the demon growled angrily, his eyes turning fully red as Karasu wrapped his arm around his waist.

"Don't stain the water with his blood," Saitou offered dryly.

"I'll kill him _out_ of the water."

"Oh. Okay."

"Hey! You're not helping!" Yusuke snapped. "Um... You can't kill him because Shadow would be mad, and because it's a waste of your energy, and because the fanatics would be mad, and because I said so!"

"Ready?" Miroku whispered to Inuyasha.

"For what?"

"To suppress him!"

"Who? Sesshoumaru! I'm not touching him! He's naked!"

"Does that really matter? He's your brother!"

"SO!"

"Families bathe together all the time! Besides, it's better than him killing someone!"

"I think he has every right to kill that guy."

"JUST SUPPRESS HIM, DAMMIT!" Koga snapped from behind them.

"**YOU,** YA MANGY WOLF!"

Meanwhile, Sesshoumaru was very pissed off at Yusuke's reasons. "I don't give a damn about any of that." He shoved Karasu away as the crow's hand wandered a little lower. Kenshin, Yusuke, and Miroku all grabbed the demon lord, ineffectively attempting to keep him from tearing the crow limb from limb. Only Yusuke was really useful, what with his half-demon strength, and managed to get Sesshoumaru's arms behind his back.

"LET GO OF ME."

"No! Calm down!"

Being molested by another man was one thing. Having his arms pinned behind his back so he couldn't move them, by a teenage boy no less, so he couldn't kill the guy who'd molested him, that... that just made it worse. He snarled ferally and his face changed... he turned into a little orb of light. Yusuke yelped at the sudden emptiness in front of him. The little orb of light flew up in the air, then came plummetting down and slammed into the floor outside the pool. There was time for two words before a huge white dog demon was standing there, and Inuyasha took that time.

"Oh shit."

Then there was giant dog demon Sesshoumaru, who _did_ somehow fit inside the room, amazingly enough. There was plenty of time for words then, but Yuki was the only one to speak.

"Holy _SHIT!_"

Remember the walkway near the ceiling that I mentioned way back when I was describing the room? It had a door at either end. And right then, both opened. Shadow came in one, and Eclipse came in the other. Both were wearing bikinis. They echoed Yuki's sentiment, only louder, and in unison.

"HOLY **_SHIT!_**"

Everyone looked up, including Sesshoumaru (even with his poison saliva and breath).

"What is this! Some kind of... naked gladiator match with a swimming pool?" Shadow asked.

"THAT'S SESSHOUMARU!" Yusuke screamed at her. She looked around at the occupants of the pool. Fluffy was the only one missing.

"WHAT?"

"HE WANTS TO KILL KARASU! HE WENT ALL PSYCHO!"

Oddly enough, Sesshoumaru and the girls were at eye level with each other, since they were on the walkway near the ceiling and his dog form is like, a bazoogle feet tall.

"What the hell are you trying to kill him for?" Shadow snapped, hands on her hips.

"KARASU MOLESTED HIM!" Yusuke answered.

"I ASKED FLUFFY, NOT YOU!"

"HE CAN'T ANSWER! HE'S A DOG! DOGS DON'T TALK!"

"Kokuei does..." Shadow's eyes widened. "Maybe Kokuei is really a demon!"

"That's not the issue at hand," Eclipse reminded.

"Oh yeah. FLUFFY! YOU'RE REALLY TALL!"

"_THAT'S NOT EITHER!_" Eclipse screamed.

"Oh yeah. ... What is?"

"KARASU MOLESTED SESSHOUMARU AND NOW HE WANTS TO KILL HIM!" Yusuke screamed.

The doors on either end of the walkway burst open and about ten girls with guns came in from each side. Everyone's eyes widened, except Sesshoumaru's pure red ones, which narrowed as he snarled at the fanatics.

"Sesshoumaru, we don't want to hurt you, but we will if you make us!" one girl shouted, aiming her gun. Shadow glanced at the girl at precisely the wrong second.

The huge dog demon moved forward quickly, and his jaws closed on the walkway. Ripping a mouthful of it, and a generous portion of the wall it was attached to, away, he flung it downwards at Karasu. The girls had shrieked when they saw his huge fangs, and all thought of their guns was gone from their minds. Shadow wasn't about to remind them they had them, either. Though she hardly believed they had bullets, they may still have ended up, with their terrible aim, actually accidentally killing somebody with tranquilizers.

Sesshoumaru, meanwhile, looked down at the steaming pool beneath him. Karasu was still alive. Damn. Nobody seemed too eager to make any grand attempts at reigning in the demon lord, considering how they were all naked and unarmed and he was a giant furry dog with really big teeth and poisonous saliva.

Shadow and Eclipse took it upon themselves, two half-demon girls, to subdue the inuyoukai that was several dozen times larger and stronger and more venomous than them. With the 'security' girls cowering so close to the doors out of the room that they might as well have been part of them, Sesshoumaru's attention had been focused back on his molester. The dog demon's huge paws were on either side of the pool, one front and one back paw on either side. He dropped his head down between his legs to be more level with the crow.

"You know..." Shadow muttered slowly, thoughtfully. "...Something bad may come of this."

Eclipse's widened eyes turned on her in disbelief. "No, ya THINK!"

The red-eyed girl punched her fist into the palm of her other hand. "I have a solution!"

"Oh, really?"

"Swan dive."

"_Swan dive?_"

"Yup," Shadow said, already climbing up on the railing. She balanced with her arms out, then jumped in a perfect swan dive, shouting its name as she did so. Sesshoumaru glanced up just in time to effectively not get water splashed in his eyes when Shadow landed in it right in front of his nose. Unfortunately for her, the water wasn't really that deep. Only deep enough to hide the guys up to their waists. Thus, needless to say, her landing was painful. And it knocked her unconscious, if only for a short time, but forced Yusuke to fish her out of the water and lay her on the edge of the pool. Miroku volunteered to do CPR, but Karasu, being the closest one willing, got the honor.

Eclipse appeared out of nowhere in front of the demon lord and put her hands on her hips.

"Sesshoumaru, listen to me!"

He growled, greenish vemonous foam lining his snarling lips.

"How much fun is it to kill Karasu when all you have to do is bite once to crush his body?"

No change in the snarling red-eyed face.

"Save your murder for--"

"AHHHHHH!" Shadow screamed, waking up to find Karasu's lips on her. She grabbed his shoulders and dove into the water, pushing him in backwards. Startled eyes watched her as she flatly refused to let the drowning crow up, until finally, at the very last second, she pulled him above the water. Even then, he didn't get a break to catch his breath. The girl started shaking him by his shoulders and screaming incoherent things at him that probably weren't even in Japanese.

Sesshoumaru's snarling lessened, and he all at once glowed pure white and returned to his humanoid form by way of the white ball of light. Shadow instantly stopped murdering Karasu and dropped him in the water to gaze at Sesshoumaru.

"FLUFFY!" she squealed.

And at that moment, every fangirl came pouring into the room. Sesshoumaru's fanatic stopped with her hands on her hips.

"SesSHOUMARU!"

All eyes turned upwards.

"Get Karasu out of the water right this instant! And do CPR on him!" Karasu's fanatic screamed in horror.

"Not if my life depended on it," the demon lord replied coldly. Yusuke bent and fished around under the water until he caught a handful of Karasu's hair, then he yanked the unconscious and half-dead crow demon above the water.

"I think he's dead," the boy muttered.

"Serves him right for touching Fluffy like that," Eclipse and Shadow said in unison, and simultaneously Sesshoumaru snarled, "You _think_ he's dead?" and Karasu's fanatic screamed in horror at the revelation.

"Well yeah," Yusuke said, directing it at the demon lord. "He's, uh... kinda not breathing..."

"Kinda?" Sesshoumaru moved forward, his hand glowing. "Let's make sure."

"NOOOOO!" a fanatic screamed while simultaneously Sesshy's fanatic said, "Sesshoumaru! Didn't I tell you to stop killing people!"

He didn't spare her a glance, just kept going towards the unmoving body Yusuke was holding. Suddenly, he felt arms lock around his and two people tried to drag him backwards. Turning his head, he caught sight of Miroku and Kenshin.

"You're touching me," he snapped, legs braced so he wouldn't move an inch no matter how much they pulled. Two humans cannot overpower a demon lord.

"Killing is bad, that it is," Kenshin said.

"You shouldn't kill Lady Shadow's friends," Miroku said, smiling. "You of all people should know her wrath is perhaps the worst I've ever seen from a woman..." He touched his cheek as if he could feel the sting of a po'ed woman's slap.

Sesshoumaru glanced at Shadow. She was looking at him curiously, arms crossed. Before he could snap at her, the fanatics on the walkway upstairs spoke up.

"DO SOMETHING ABOUT KARASU, YOU STUPID BASTARDS!" one screamed.

_SMACK! _

"DON'T CALL MY HUSBAND A BASTARD!"

"OMIGOD! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST HIT ME! AND WHO SAID I WAS TALKING ABOUT YOUR STUPID HUSBAND?"

"OMIGOD! HE'S NOT STUPID! AT LEAST HE'S NOT GAY, LIKE YOUR STUPID FREAK KARASU!"

"KARASU ISN'T _GAY!_"

"He's bisexual," Shadow informed them all helpfully, nodding. Sesshoumaru pulled his arms out of the monk's and the ex-battousai's grips and stalked off to one side to sulk and glare. Shadow and Eclipse seemed torn between doing commentary on the fanatics' arguments and going over to the demon lord. They eventually settled on the latter, because Lord Sesshoumaru is so uber muchly more beautiful and sexy and interesting than any of the fangirls.

"Fluuufffy?"

"Hey!" Yusuke cried, noticing where they were headed. "What about Karasu!"

The girls ignored him and sidled up to Sesshoumaru slowly. His back was turned on them and the rest of the group. The two girls had their hands clasped behind their backs innocently as they looked up at him and repeated his nickname. When he didn't look at them, they both simultaneously squealed and threw their arms around him from either side. He tensed, probably ready to do some serious ass-kicking, but then slowly, hesitantly relaxed. They weren't hurting him, they wouldn't hurt him even if they could, and he didn't feel like murdering innocent weak girls at the moment.

The fanatics came swarming into the downstairs part of the room, screeching and screaming and converging on Karasu. All the bishies edged carefully away from the writhing screaming mass of fangirls.

Shortly Karasu was awake, much to Sesshoumaru's displeasure. Shadow and Eclipse held his hands (surprisingly without protest, but without cooperation either) and watched the proceedings, as his fanatic separated herself from the general mass and pointed to him.

"Come here," she said. He looked at her blankly, like he'd suddenly stopped comprehending any language. She crossed her arms. "COME. HERE."

Shadow pointed at the girl threateningly. "Lord Sesshoumaru is no dog! He does not come when called by an inferioir cretin like you! He does not wag his furry tail and beg for table scraps, and a pet on the head will not make him happy! Sesshoumaru-sama is a MAN! With a very intelligent, complex mind of his own! And YOU are a GIRL with NO MIND AT ALL! If you think he's going to listen to impolite, inconsiderate drabble from you, you have another thing coming!"

"Exactly!" Eclipse agreed intelligently, pointing an equally threatening finger at the girl.

"Why you... You should both be murdered!"

"Never," Shadow said, moving closer to Sesshoumaru. "My Lord would never allow it."

Sesshy suddenly realized he did feel like murdering innocent weak girls, moreso than he'd originally thought. But not Shadow and Eclipse. This girl in front of him who thought she had some sort of jurisdiction over his life. He would murder her DEAD. In bloody gruesome ways. Along with all the other ones. Muwaha...

The fangirl snarled. "This isn't over."

"You're right. It isn't," Shadow retorted, eyes narrowed.

The other girl addressed Sesshoumaru curtly, "Your clothes have been cleaned. They will be brought here shortly. You will all dress, then you will be returned to the holding area until we decide the proper way to deal with this."

All the fanatics were shortly gone, having hauled off Karasu with them, to ensure his survival. A few moments of silence passed, then Sano sighed.

"I think we should just cut out the murder attempts and enjoy this bath while we have the chance," he said. "Who knows when we'll be able to relax again."

Silence followed, then Miroku said "He has a point," looking hopefully and warily at Sesshoumaru. The demon lord was pointedly looking in the opposite direction.

Shadow and Eclipse seemed happy with the idea and lunged underwater. There were several unhappy and startled screeches when they did this. Recall, none of the guys are clothed (lucky girls, right?), and two teenage girls swimming around underwater could prove a rather embarassing situation. Sesshoumaru and Yusuke watched the two forms swim around gracefully underwater. One bumped into the other and suddenly it was like a feeding frenzy with the two girls thrashing around trying to kill each other. With a sigh, everyone moved away from the underwater battle and sank into the water to relax as best they could.

* * *

**Wasn't that fun to read? Don't you feel thoroughly awful for Sesshoumaru? I do. And do you know how meticulous I am? The part where Karasu was eating the ramen, WAYYY at the beginning of the chapter? Since I'm such a good author with lots of attention to detail, I made my friend fix me ramen before writing that part and I ate it in much the same manner Karasu was, only with a fork instead of chopsticks, and I wasn't trying to seduce a hot, hot, hot guy... But it still was loads of fun, and I've never eaten ramen the same way since...  
-SJ**


	5. Punishment

**(October 30, 2005) Lol... I got my first bad review on this story.** Apparently I'm"desecrating" Yoshihiro Togashi's characters... _-shrug-_ I "should be ashamed", apparently, and I should stop writing. Hahaha. 'Kay, well, thanks for reading. I appreciate the review.

Now, for everyone who likes what horrible things I've done to the characters I decided to twist around, warnings for this chapter: The chapter title is 'Punishment'. If you don't like Karasu, you probably won't like part of this chapter. In fact, I can guarantee it. If you don't like shounen-- uh, interaction... there's no 'ai' about it... then you won't like part of this chapter. If you don't like seeing Sesshoumaru humiliated, you might not like part of this chapter...**

* * *

**

**CHAPTER GO  
**Punishment

Hiei was tired of waiting after only two days. Koenma was certainly taking his sweet time...

The fire demon had been entertaining himself with sword practice and video games in his free time, and was living on a strictly rice, ramen, and whatever-there-is-to-drink-in-the-fridge diet, purely because there wasn't any obvious point in fixing some sort of elaborate dinner for just himself. Kurama had gone home shortly after returning from Reikai.

On the third day of waiting, he took an alternate route of distraction. Of course, we all know Hiei is not and never would be an alcoholic, and he does not drown his troubles in alcohol, but he made a very interesting discovery on the third day.

While nosing around in the basement to try to find Shadow's endless supply of dog food and ramen, with a hungry Kokuei on his heels, he opened a door he'd never noticed in existence previous to the moment he grabbed the doorknob. Of course, he didn't bother thinking about where the door may have come from until a few days later, but that's not important. What's important is that he opened an unlabeled, unknown door that had never existed before. And to his amazement, he found a wine cellar.

A very large wine cellar. With very large amounts of wine. But as he wandered in awe through the isles looking at the occasional label, he discovered that there were also multiple kinds of whiskey and highly alcoholic beverages. Kokuei barked from the doorway, flatly refusing to enter the room, but Hiei waved her off silently and pulled out a bottle at random. Opening it, he sniffed at it, shrugged, and took a drink.

_"HIEI! If you're gonna get drunk off your ass, at least feed me first!"_ Kokuei complained.

"I'll get to it," the fire demon muttered.

A few minutes later, said demon was sitting on the couch with several bottles of alcoholic beverages arranged on the coffee table in front of him while Kokuei happily ate some raw meat he'd dug out of the fridge.

And about an hour later, the phone rang.

And rang.

And rang some more.

Kokuei pulled it off the hook with her teeth and barked at it.

"Kokuei!" Kurama's voice said from the other end. "Where's Hiei?"

Bark, bark.

"Never mind... Hang up the phone, I'll just come over."

Kokuei obeyed, and then walked to where Hiei was lying on the couch with a bottle in his hand and several empty ones on the floor.

_"Hiei, you are so drunk..."_

"I am not!" he replied defensively. "I'm just tasting it."

_"You're wasted. Kurama's coming over by the way."_

"Who?"

_"...You're wasted."_ She turned and wandered off. Hiei shrugged and took another swallow of his chosen alcohol. Not too very much longer after, Kurama appeared behind the couch and looked down at Hiei.

"...Hiei, are you drunk?"

"_Noooo!_" the fire demon shot defensively.

Kurama looked at the bottles on the floor and in Hiei's hands. The air smelled strongly of alcohol, and Hiei was clearly drunk.

"Yes, you are." He walked around the couch and picked up one of the unopened bottles, looking at the label. "Hiei, this is very expensive! Where did you get this!"

The half-Koorime pushed himself into a sitting position, chuckling and weaving slightly from side to side. "See," he said, voice slightly slurred, "that's the funny thing." He laughed, like it was really funny. "I found it."

"You found it?"

He nodded, a childish smile on his face. "Downstairs. In the room that never existed before."

"Never existed before?" He sat on the couch next to Hiei, setting the bottle down on the coffee table. "Maybe Shadow was saving it for a special occasion."

"There's more." The smile faded off his face and he looked terribly upset. "I miss Shadow."

"It's only been a few days, Hiei. You--"

"But I miss her!"

"You've been away from her for longer than a few days before."

"But she's not here!"

"You've gone to Makai to do things for Mukuro and been separated from Shadow for weeks."

He whimpered.

"You've gone into the forest to train extensively for a week, and been separated from Shadow then, too," the fox continued. Hiei whimpered again. "Surely you can deal with--AHH!"

Hiei flung his arms around his friend and clung so tight he nearly suffocated the fox. "But I miss her!" he complained childishly. "Make her come back!"

_This is so cute,_ the fox thought to himself.

_'You could jump him,'_ Youko suggested. _'He's drunk off his ass, he wouldn't notice.'_

_'I can't believe you'd suggest that. You're disgusting.'_

_'I was just saying...'_

_'Well don't.'_

Hiei pulled himself onto Kurama's lap and nuzzled against his friend's shirt, whimpering.

"Hiei... This is... awkward."

"You're comfy," he stated with a smile in his voice. He dragged Kurama down to the couch and lay there against him.

"Hiei, please. You're drunk. Why don't I just take you up to bed and you can rest?"

No response. Hiei was clinging to the redhead's shirt with his face against his chest, the bottle of wine long since forgotten. His breath was calm and even. He was asleep, just like that.

"Oh, Hiei..."

_**

* * *

**_

While Hiei was getting drunk, the bishounen and the two misplaced girls were busy doing nothing in the brightly lit white room. After their bath the previous day, they'd all been permitted to dress in relative privacy, then all but Karasu, the poor abused crow, had been ZAPPED back into the holding room.

Shadow and Eclipse had slept against Sesshoumaru, using him as a pillow. The following day had come uneventfully. Some manner of breakfast had been ZAPPED into the room after a short audio-only announcement:

"Your breakfast is going to be given to you in your holding area. We decided this would be for the best in light of recent events. Yesterday's actions will be dealt with as we see is appropriate later in the day."

Sesshoumaru had kindly donated his breakfast to the two hungry girls who had received no food, figuring that if the food was drugged up with some kind of love potion ('Pah, such things are only fairy tales,' he'd reminded himself) and the two girls ate it, the worst that could happen would be that they'd fall in love with him... But really, he didn't see how his relationship with the two nutjobs could really get worse, considering how they were all touchy-feely with him already, and worshipped him as a Sex God, and constantly petted his hair. He supposed that they would find a way, though.

Luckily, though, there was no love potion in his food, and no sedatives or tranquilizers of any manner, so there were no terrible side results from the girls' consumption of said food products.

Yesterday's actions being dealt with accordingly seemed to be a big decision, considering how nothing at all happened for the next six hours or so. No lunch was delivered, which was a major disappointment to all the people who could tell time with their stomachs. About halfway between lunchtime and dinnertime, the screen flickered on and a girl appeared.

"At this time, we will transport yesterday's offenders to the discipline room to be reprimanded." The screen turned off. Shadow and Eclipse simultaneously lunged into Sesshoumaru's sleeves.

"We'll protect you!" they promised cheerfully.

"Great," he replied sarcastically.

ZAP!

Sesshoumaru vanished from the room, as did the few guys who had been involved in the food fight. They all appeared in the same room, side by side in a line.

"I assume you all know why you are here," Sesshoumaru's fanatic said. The room wasn't brightly lit, and was probably supposed to have a threatening quality. However, that was impossible considering that the walls were painted with a floral design, and that their 'punisher' was dressed in pink.

"No. Why?" Yusuke asked. The fanatic glared.

"The six of you were involved in the food fight that took place at dinner!"

Seven people blinked simultaneously and glanced around at each other.

"There's seven of us here," Inuyasha pointed out.

"Yeah. And Fluffy there didn't have anything do with the food fight," Yusuke added. Sesshoumaru growled low in his throat and Yusuke quickly amended, "I meant Lord Sesshoumaru! Not Fluffy."

"Sesshoumaru was involved in a far worse offense."

Inside the demon lord's sleeves, two girls rolled their eyes.

"He tried to kill a fellow bishounen," the fanatic continued, unaware of the sleeve-dwellers (though it should have been obvious that the normally flowy sleeves had a few extra pounds in them and were oddly misshapen, but fanatics are typically very unaware).

"And I would have succeeded, too," the demon growled, "if it weren't for those meddling brats."

"So what are you gonna do to us?" Inuyasha challenged. He crossed his arms and frowned at them.

An unfortunate turn of events had ended with all the bishounens unarmed (as in, they'd been poofed out of their clothes in the last chapter, and when their clothes were returned, their swords... weren't. Most likely as a safety precaution to keep Karasu alive), but we all know that any one of these bishounen could take on every single fanatic at once and come out with no more than emotional scars from all the gropage that would surely ensue.

"That is up to you."

"Up to us?" Sanosuke echoed. "Whaddaya mean?"

"Well, the six of you have a choice. Sesshoumaru does not."

The look on Sesshy's face said "Typical."

"Yeahyeahyeah," Inuyasha said, not caring about his brother. "What are the choices?"

"First, this one is not a choice: You **must** formally apologize to the entire assemblage of women."

An odd noise came from inside Sesshoumaru's sleeve that sounded oddly like a scoffed "_Women._" The guys nearest Sesshoumaru noticed, but followed his example of feigned ignorance.

"Second, here are your choices: Go one week without dinner."

Inuyasha, Sanosuke, and Yusuke looked most horrified by this.

"Eat all your meals quietly and romantically with your wife or wife-to-be."

Another odd snort from Sesshy's general direction sounded like "_Skanks._" Again, it was ignored.

"Do not bathe for a week."

"Oh, gross!" Yusuke complained. Roy and Ed looked to have a similar sentiment.

"That's the best choice so far," Sesshoumaru pointed out. Everyone looked at him like he was insane, but he felt his sleeves nod. Nobody seemed to see what he meant. He, being one to always find a way to have people leave him alone, saw things differently than people who were trying to find the easiest, most harmless punishment. So what if you stink? When you stink, people leave you alone.

Of course, we all know Sesshoumaru does not stink, but rather smells of flowers. His glare is all he needs to get people to leave him alone. Except the occasional idiot, like Inuyasha.

"Your final choice is to be put into solitary confinement for a week, only being let out to bathe."

Koga stared. "Isn't that a little drastic? All we did was fling some food."

"You followed the example set by two skanky nincompoop girls who want nothing more than to poison your minds against us!"

Sesshoumaru felt his sleeves go rigid with anger.

"I will give you time to think this over while I talk to Sesshoumaru," the fanatic said. She looked to the demon. "Sesshoumaru, come with me."

_Yes, go with her... Let us be alone so I can disembowel her..._ Shadow thought angrily.

The demon walked without even giving the slightest indication in his body language that he was lugging around a couple hundred pounds in his sleeves. He followed the fanatic through a door into an equally dimly lit room with a different floral design on the walls. She shut the door behind him, locked it, and turned to face him, arms crossed.

"Well?"

Sesshoumaru blinked. "Well what?"

"Don't you think you owe me an apology?"

"I apologize to no one. And why would you care if I killed him?"

"Because his wife-to-be is a very close friend of mine!"

"_Wife_-to-be? He's _gay_. He doesn't want a wife."

"He is _not!_"

"He was stroking my thigh."

"Maybe he mistook you for a girl!"

Sesshoumaru's eyes widened, then narrowed. "I strongly doubt it."

"Whatever his reason, he's not gay."

Sesshoumaru half expected to hear Shadow retort with "No, he's bisexual!" But amazingly, the normally talkative girl said nothing.

"Whatever," the inuyoukai muttered. "So what do you want?"

"I want an apology, first."

"Tough."

"Sesshoumaru!"

He knew crossing his arms was out of the question, so he merely did what he's very good at: glared.

"One of us has to cave first, and it's not going to be me," the girl promised. Sesshoumaru's glare turned into more of a mildly disbelieving "And you think it'll be _me?_" look. A few minutes passed, and the girl's frown turned into a pout of sorts, and she uncrossed her arms and paced across the room. Sesshoumaru turned his head to keep an eye on her, even though his ears and nose would have warned him of any threat anyways. Not that this girl could possibly pose any threat to a centuries-old demon such as himself.

"We'll talk more about this later," she said finally, from the other side of the room. "Moving along... Your punishment."

"Yes?"

"We're having trouble thinking..."

"What else is new?"

She shot him a glare. "We don't know what to do with you, to be honest. Karasu himself had a few ideas, but they were dangerous."

"Dangerous?"

"He suggested you be locked in a room with him until you learn to tolerate him."

"I like that one," the demon told her.

"Really?"

"Yes. That way, I can kill him in peace without being interrupted."

The fangirl glared angrily. "That's what I thought. So he suggested we tie you up."

"Hn. A stupid idea, from a stupid person."

There was a knock at the door. The fanatic strode across the room to answer it, and let in another fanatic a moment later. Sesshoumaru stayed where he was as they shut and locked the door behind them, then walked up to him.

"Sesshoumaru," his fanatic said, "this is Karasu's wife-to-be. Most of all, you should apologize to _her._"

"I. Don't. Apologize. Want me to spell it?"

The girl crossed her arms, but Karasu's fanatic smiled. "It's okay, Yuri. I talked to Karasu. He doesn't want an apology. He says that he understands Sesshoumaru isn't the apologizing type, and he doesn't want to humiliate him."

Sesshoumaru snorted. "I'm sure that's why he was touching me like that, too."

"But he still needs to be punished, Ayame," Sesshoumaru's fanatic, Yuri, said.

"Of course, I agree. Letting such a crime go unpunished would set a terrible example for the other men."

"It would. So what should we do?"

"Well, from what Karasu said, physical punishments wouldn't effect him."

"Physical? Like what?"

"He said things like spanking him."

Inside the demon's sleeves, Shadow and Eclipse twitched.

"I wouldn't have thought that was a good idea anyways," Yuri said matter-of-factly, as if the thought would never have crossed her mind. "It has to be a worse punishment than any of the options we gave the others."

With a sigh, Sesshoumaru wandered over to a wall and sat down with his back against it. This would take a while.

And indeed it did. Ayame and Yuri debated for EVER, all the options getting increasingly stupid and infuriating. Shadow and Eclipse couldn't handle it anymore, and exploded out of Sesshy's sleeves, fingers pointing threats at the fangirls.

"I can't believe how stupid you are!" Eclipse cried.

"You would dare humiliate Sesshoumaru with even SUGGESTIONS of such stupid things?" Shadow added angrily.

"He deserves no punishment at all! Karasu isn't worth it!"

Ayame nearly screamed. Yuri was busy gawking.

"You expect them to just kiss and make up!" Shadow snapped. "But--"

"DID YOU JUST COME OUT OF HIS SLEEVES!" Yuri screamed finally.

"**YES!**" two angry voices retorted. Rage-filled fanatic eyes fell on Sesshoumaru, and he got to his feet to prepare for any onslaught of frightening fangirly attempts at... whatever they were planning on attempting here.

"Ses-SHOUMARU!" Yuri screamed. "How could you! They were there this whole time!"

"Yes," he said.

"This deserves MORE punishment!" She spun and stalked out of the room, coming back a few minutes later and pressing something against Sesshoumaru's chest. "CHANGE YOUR CLOTHES!"

His eyes narrowed. "What?"

"Change into these. I was just waiting for a perfect opportunity to get you into this outfit, and that opportunity just presented itself," Yuri stated. She pushed the clothes against his chest again, to remind him she was holding them there. He reached up and grabbed the bundle, annoyed, and unfolded it. There were a few moments of silence, then he growled.

"**No.**"

"PUT IT ON," the fangirl snapped. His glare could have melted glass or frozen fire.

"**_No._**"

There was a pause. "Either you put it on voluntarily, or we will put it onto you by force."

He flung the outfit to the floor. "I dare you."

Yuri grabbed a little box off her belt and pushed a few buttons.

ZAP!

Sesshoumaru's clothes and the new outfit traded places without even an instant of nudity.

And there he stood, in leather pants that clung to him like a second skin, and a white silk shirt that was conveniently missing a few of the top buttons. Boots buckled up to his knees, and a silvery-blue silk belt was tied around his waist, through the belt loops on his pants.

His fists clenched so tightly that his knuckles cracked. He'd just been made a fool of, and he wasn't amused. His eyes closed as he tried to block out the surroundings and gain composure.

Shadow and Eclipse were too busy drooling to stop him from going on an insane rampage, but insane rampages weren't his style. Luckily.

"Uh... Y-yeah..." Yuri muttered, gawking at the demon lord. "Oh my GOD are you hot."

"SHUT UP!" he snarled. "Just _Shut. Up_."

"YAAH!" Ayame screamed suddenly. "I JUST HAD A BRILLIANT IDEA!"

Sesshoumaru's eyes snapped open and he glared. She was too stupid to cringe.

"A brilliant punishment," she continued.

Totally randomly, Sesshy's hand lashed out and his claw came within a centimeter of Shadow's eye. "Stop looking at me like that."

She carefully looked at anything but Sesshoumaru until he was distracted again, by Ayame continuing to tell them about her brilliant punishment.

"You, stupid whore, gave me the idea."

Shadow's eyes snapped up from their previous focus on Sesshoumaru's ass. "What'd I do?"

"You said 'kiss and make up'. That's the punishment. Karasu will love it."

"No," the demon lord stated. He strode straight up to the door and melted it, as well as half the wall, with his dokkasou, and without saying another word, left the room.

Luckily (or maybe not), the other six bishounens were in the next room when he entered it. Yuri snapped out of her Sesshoumaru-induced trance and screamed "DON'T LET HIM LEAVE!"

The other six were in shock. Inuyasha was the first one to snap out of his trance.

"You have got to be kidding me," he muttered. Then he snorted, and cracked up into hysterics. Sesshoumaru stopped on his straight path for the door and turned slowly to glare at his brother. His hand glowed.

Shadow and Eclipse finally regained control of themselves and took in the situation in the blink of an eye. And in another blink of the eye, they were running towards Sesshoumaru.

"Wait, Fluffy!" they screeched. He moved his eyes but was statue-still otherwise.

"Sesshoumaru," Shadow said, then quickly amended, "_Lord_ Sesshoumaru." He gave her a minute amount of his attention. "Please don't be too angry."

He growled. She tried another approach.

"Don't take out your anger on your brother. Please?"

He showed no signs of changing his mind. She continued.

"Inuyasha's just a halfwit. It's not his fault he's laughing."

"Hey!" the hanyou snapped, suddenly done laughing. They ignored him.

"I don't think it's funny at all that they did this... _atrocious_ thing to you."

Yusuke snorted. Everyone knew Shadow didn't think it was funny, or atrocious. She thought it was amazingly wonderful and wanted to fall to her knees and worship him in many ways. But no one said a word.

"In fact, I think it's terrible, and you should be forbidden from wearing something so se-- so sick, unless you wanted to. If I had any say, I would command them to return you to your poofy, baggy, and unrevealing white outfit and armour. But I have no say."

He didn't seem to be calming down too much. Shadow finally gave up and just screeched "PLEASE DON'T BE ANGRY!" and flung her arms around him, burying her face against his silk-clad chest. Eclipse blinked, then also flung her arms around him.

"YES! PLEASE BE HAPPY!"

Now, there's not much a guy can do when he has suddenly found himself put into restricting clothing and has two lunatics latched onto him and holding on like they had no intention of ever letting go. Not unless you kill the lunatics, which he knew would either result in lots of bad things, or would not succeed, which was more likely. Slowly, his initial rage simmered away and he relaxed slightly. Shadow leaned back a bit and looked up at him.

"Are you calm?"

He snorted disdainfully through his nose. She planted a kiss on the bare skin of his chest that was exposed through the opening of the shirt. "I thought so."

Yuri stalked over. "Sesshoumaru--"

Shadow spun and clamped her hand over the other girl's mouth. "Do not speak. He's on the brink of murder. Give him time to recoop. Go talk to them." She gestured towards the other six. Yuri smacked Shadow's hand away.

"I will not take orders from you! You do not know what is good for my husband!"

A low growl bubbled up from Sesshoumaru's throat. Eclipse turned away from him and matched Shadow's evil glare towards the fanatic. Yuri returned a glare, but some pansy fangirl could never hope to match up to the glaring capacity of two psychos and a demon lord whose favorite facial expression is a glare.

"Very well," Yuri said. "For you, Sesshoumaru, I will give you some time to relax before we continue." She turned away, and Ayame followed her. Sesshoumaru made his way to the corner of the room, with Shadow and Eclipse on his heels.

While they hung around in the corner, Yuri and Ayame went to the six others.

"Have you chosen your punishments?"

"Yes, we have," Yusuke stated. "I choose the not eating dinner for a week option."

"Really? Are you sure?" Yuri asked. "You'll sit there and watch everyone else around you eat dinner while you don't get any?"

"Yep."

"Why?"

"I have my reasons." _Most of them having to do with those two psycho girls and Karasu..._

"Very well." Yuri took note on a palm-pilot sort of deal. "You may stand off to the side while I deal with the rest, Yusuke."

He wandered off. Yuri looked to Roy.

"I choose to eat all my meals quietly and romantically with whichever girl it is that is infatuated with me."

The rest of them chose the 'no dinner' option, too, surprisingly. Their reasoning was that at least they wouldn't be in any way separated from the group, and that was really the best. Stick together. If the fanatics have you alone, they'll do all sorts of unmentionable things to you. That was their reasoning. Of course they didn't tell the fanatics this.

"Very well," Yuri muttered. "Let me finish with Sesshoumaru, then you will be taken to a formal room to apologize to all of us for your activities." She turned and headed for Sesshoumaru, who was leaning in the corner of the room with two hanyou girls leaning against him.

The second they noticed her nearing, all three stood up straighter and got ready to bolt or attack or defend if necessary. Yuri and Ayame stopped a few feet in front of Sesshoumaru.

"Well? Are you ready to follow through with your punishment?"

"That depends on what it is."

"We already told you," Yuri said, crossing her arms. Sesshoumaru glared.

"I will not apologize, and there is no way in _Hell_ I would ever _kiss_ that freak of nature."

Both fanatics put their hands on their hips and gave him The Look. Sesshoumaru returned _his_ version of The Look, which was probably more creepy than **The** Look. They all glared for a few moments, then Yuri crossed her arms.

"Fine. If you don't kiss him voluntarily, we _will_ chain your hands behind your back and put you two in a room together, to stand nose to nose until you cave and kiss him."

"**I will not kiss him.**"

"It's nothing to be scared of," Yuri coaxed.

"I am not afraid."

"Then why won't you do it?" Ayame challenged.

"Because I hate him, and I hate you."

"That's harsh," Shadow commented uncaringly, examining her nails.

"You will do it," Yuri said coldly. "You will do it if we have to chain you to a wall and ward you and let him kiss you."

There was a short pause.

"You," Sesshoumaru stated calmly, "are retarded."

"Hey, here's an idea!" Shadow said. "Since I have total and complete confidence in Sesshoumaru's power, why don't we settle this by letting him fight Karasu?"

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" Yuri cried.

"If Sesshoumaru loses, he kisses Karasu. If he wins, Karasu leaves him alone for the rest of our stay here."

"That's out of the question!" Ayame retorted. "He will obey us without making some stupid deal!"

"I have no obligation to obey you," Sesshoumaru said. "And I personally think that's a good idea."

"WOOHOO!" Shadow cheered.

"Because I will kill Karasu," the demon lord continued. Ayame screeched.

"NO! YOU WILL OBEY!"

This, of course, was attracting the attention of the other six guys in the room. Inuyasha walked over.

"What's this I hear about kissing someone?"

"Nothing," Sesshoumaru snapped.

"Inuyasha, you're his brother! Make him do it!"

"Do what?"

"Kiss and make up with Karasu!" Ayame whined. "All I'm asking for is one little kiss!"

"You want my brother to kiss another man?"

"YES! IS THAT SUCH A DIFFICULT CONCEPT?"

"...It's funny."

Sesshoumaru glared. "If you laugh, I will kill you."

"Right," Inuyasha agreed. He bit his lip and looked at them from the corner of his eye. "So... Why won't you do it?"

His brother just growled. Inuyasha snickered slightly, then grabbed their captors' arms and pulled them aside. Shadow and Eclipse glared in their direction.

"He's conspiring with them," Shadow muttered after a moment of watching them. "I just know it. He's conspiring."

"I will kill him if he--"

Inuyasha lunged in their direction very quickly. Shadow and Eclipse screeched and flung themselves out of the way (loyal protectors, there). Sesshoumaru quickly discovered firsthand precisely why he and every other person in their right mind wore loose clothes. Leather pants severely hindered his normal fluidity, and he was barely able to dodge his brother.

It took a maximum of 90 seconds for Inuyasha to thoroughly pin his handicapped older brother to the floor. Sesshoumaru snarled like an angry dog, fangs shining, but his brother just smirked.

"C'mon, Sesshy! Lighten up! It's just a little kiss."

The snarling grew worse, and his golden eyes became tinged with a distinct red.

"Hey!" Inuyasha snapped at the fangirls. "Whatever you're gonna do with him, do it! I don't want him transforming and making me his lunch!"

Sesshoumaru suddenly thrashed violently and sent his brother flying off him. He leapt to his feet and was totally on the defensive. Everyone carefully avoided him and his brother as they circled, ready to attack or defend at any moment.

"They're letting me off the hook if I can get you to cooperate," Inuyasha told his brother. "I'm not going to give in."

Saying this was a very stupid thing to do. If possible, Sesshoumaru looked angrier. However, since outbursts weren't his thing, Shadow filled in for him.

"YOU SELFISH SON OF A BITCH! YOU'D FORCE YOUR OLDER BROTHER TO BE EVEN MORE HUMILIATED JUST SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO UNDERGO SOME LITTLE PANSY PUNISHMENT! YOUR BROTHER IS GOING TO BE FORCED TO KISS A _MAN!_ YOU'RE GOING TO FORCE SUCH A TERRIBLE FATE ON A DIGNIFIED DEMON LORD WHO HAS ALREADY BEEN HUMILIATED ONCE BY HAVING SUCH TIGHT, CONSTRICTING, EXPOSING GARMENTS PUT ON HIM!"

"They _are_ exposing," Eclipse muttered.

"I don't CARE!" On the last word, Inuyasha lunged at his elder brother. Sesshoumaru dodged, but after a few minutes of persistant attempts, Inuyasha again pinned him, and this time he managed to keep him down, arms above his head and hips pinned down by a knee. Hesitantly, Shadow approached the brothers. Sesshoumaru's chest was heaving and his eyes were red with rage.

"I think he flipped his lid," Inuyasha said. Cautiously, Yusuke and Koga approached, but stayed a safe distance from the panting, snarling inuyoukai.

"I would flip my lid, too, if my brother had me pinned to the ground like that and was going to force me to kiss someone like Karasu," Yusuke pointed out. Shadow bravely knelt next to Sesshoumaru, who was extremely intimidating at the moment, having lost his normal cool and lying on his back growling and foaming at the mouth like an angry rabid dog.

"What, uh... What am I supposed to do with him?" Inuyasha asked anyone who could answer. His brother's snarling was starting to lessen, so Shadow reached out and started gently petting his hair and whispering sweet, comforting nothings.

"Move," she said, and shoved Inuyasha off his brother. She straddled him and lay down on his chest, putting her mouth next to his ear and continuing to pet his hair. God knows what she said, but after only about fifteen seconds, he'd relaxed. His eyes drifted closed, then he blinked a few times and looked at her.

"What'd she do?" Koga asked Yusuke quietly. He shrugged, equally confused.

"Whatever it was, it worked."

"I bet she hypnotized him," Sanosuke guessed. They looked up at him and he shrugged. "What?"

"She may have," Yusuke muttered. He tilted his head slightly. "Maybe that's why Hiei's so docile now. Maybe she's really an evil witch."

Shadow shot him a glare, then looked to Sesshoumaru and smiled. "You calm now?"

He sighed. "Yeah." He didn't sound happy.

"You gonna keep your cool?"

He nodded.

"Are you going to go through with your punishment? It's not that bad, really. It's not like they're asking for you to use your tongue."

"Oh, shut up and get off me," he snapped half-heartedly. She got up and thrust her fist into the air.

"Shadow triumphs yet again!" The girl grabbed Sesshoumaru's hand and pulled him to his feet. He quickly pulled away. She chuckled and put her arm around his middle, resting her head on his chest.

"Well?" Yuri prompted finally, arms crossed. Sesshoumaru gave her no response. She glared. "Sesshoumaru! Would you answer me? Are you going to cooperate!"

Again, no response. Ayame changed their approach. "Shall we bring Karasu here, or take you to him?"

"Assuming I were to go through with this," he said, with a voice that oozed hatred and was so cold it nearly froze his lips as it left them, "I would not want to do it with all them," he gestured to the rest of the bishounen in the room, "watching."

Shadow rubbed his side comfortingly, as if congratulating him.

"Ew," Yusuke said, startled, "he's actually gonna go through with it!"

"What did that girl _do?_" Roy asked.

"Very well," Yuri said, trying to hide her excitement. "Karasu is in Ayame's room. This way." She headed towards the door.

"What about _us!_" Ed snapped.

"You can wait a little longer," Ayame said, failing in her attempt to sound assertive. She reached for Sesshoumaru's hand as she passed him, and he deftly pulled away, eyes cold enough to freeze Hell.

"Touch me and die."

"Right," she squeaked.

Nobody said anything when Shadow and Eclipse accompanied him from the room. The door was shut and locked behind them to keep the other six inside. For the first time since they'd arrived, they saw something other than the inside of a room from having been zapped into it. They were walking in a hallway.

After a few twists and turns, they arrived in a straight stretch of hall with doors lining either side and one at the end. Ayame led them to the third door on their right and opened it. Inside was something creepy (I mean other than Karasu).

It was a total Karasu shrine. Pictures of him lined the walls, the surfaces of everything that could hold them, there was even Karasu border and a big painting of Karasu on one wall. Sesshoumaru and the two hanyou girls nearly choked.

"This is sick," Sesshoumaru muttered under his breath.

The sickest thing of all was lying on the bed when they entered. It was Karasu himself, wearing black leather pants and a black muscle tee-shirt, which, of course, contrasted beautifully with his chalk-white skin. He let out an obscene moan when he saw Sesshoumaru.

Ayame ran to the crow and hugged him. "Guess what Sesshoumaru agreed to do?"

The demon lord made eye contact with Karasu when Ayame next spoke, conveying his hatred with only his golden orbs.

"He's agreed to kiss you!"

"_What?_" the crow gasped, disbelieving. "He agreed to that?"

"It took a little convincing," Shadow stated dryly.

"That'll be a good enough apology, won't it?" Ayame continued, sounding worried, and having thoroughly ignored Shadow. "I mean, I thought of it all on my own, I thought you'd like it, but--"

Karasu grinned. "It's fine, Ayame-san. It's perfect." He got up and walked across the room towards Sesshoumaru, his hips swaying seductively.

Ayame and Yuri caught the backs of Shadow and Eclipse's shirts and yanked them backwards away from Sesshoumaru. The two hanyou girls hissed like angry cats, but stayed out of the way.

The demon lord stood still as a statue as Karasu approached, walked around him with his fingers trailing across his chest and arms, circled around to stand in front of him, arm wrapped around his waist. Sesshoumaru's eyes fixed on the crow, who was approximately the same height as him. Karasu was looking at him, all lust in his eyes, a smirk placed arrogantly on his pale lips. Those pale lips drew closer and gently pressed against Sesshoumaru's throat. A growl rumbled under them and Karasu pulled back.

"What?"

"I did not agree to letting you have your way with me."

"Oh, very well," the crow resigned with a sigh. His lips pressed against Sesshoumaru's tenderly, but, getting no response, increased in pressure. He pulled back. "It doesn't count until you kiss me back."

"I hate you," he growled, then quickly leaned in and kissed the crow. Karasu happily returned it, his hands drawing his victim closer, deepening the kiss against his will.

Shadow wrung her hands anxiously. "He's being kiss-raped!" she whimpered to Eclipse. "I told him no tongue!"

When breath became necessary and Sesshoumaru made it clear he would bite off Karasu's tongue if it was in his mouth for another half a second, they parted. Shadow and Eclipse rushed over to the lord. Karasu smirked. "You're quite the kisser, Sesshoumaru."

"Gag me with a spoon," Shadow muttered. Sesshoumaru cast one last glare at Karasu before he turned away and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, looking pointedly at Shadow as he did so. She held up her hands. "I'm sorry! I swear to you, I'm sorry."

He snorted and headed for the door. Yuri blocked his path.

"We'll return you both to the holding room after you have dinner."

"After we what?" Sesshoumaru stated with a hint of disbelief in his voice.

"You two. After you have dinner together."

Without a word, Sesshoumaru brushed past Yuri and grabbed the doorknob. She let out an angry exclamation. "Well I--!"

"I'm not eating dinner with him. I would rather starve." He opened the door.

"FINE!" she snapped. He vanished with the mere push of a button. Shadow screamed and lunged through a portal that appeared out of nowhere. Eclipse followed.

* * *

**Told you that half of you would be displeased with this... Just to tell you, that wasn't my idea! Nope! Not at all! But I wrote it, so I'm just as guilty as the one who gave me the idea. :P Oh, but the leather and silk was my idea... Cuz that's just hot.**

**Happy Halloween.**

**-SJ**


	6. Fighting Words

**(Tuesday, November 8, 2005)**

I stayed home from school today and read a book. It was entertaining.

I think I have over 100 reviews on this story... I realized I haven't been keeping track... Oh well... Let's check... 116. Yay.

I don't think there's anything objectionable in this chapter... So, onward toward the land of reading the chapter I finally posted after making you all wait over a week.

**

* * *

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**CHAPTER ROKU  
**Fightin' Words

Hiei woke up slowly, his brain refusing to respond for some reason. He quickly regretted waking up when a splitting pain shot through his head. A groan of pain escaped him.

It took him another minute to notice he was clinging to fabric, pressed close to something warm that distinctly smelled like Kurama. The stench of alcohol floated into his brain next and he groaned again. He opened his eyes to confirm that yes, he was laying on the couch nuzzled up against Kurama like he would nuzzle up to Shadow. Kurama was awake and looking at him.

"I'm drunk, aren't I," Hiei muttered.

"You _were_ drunk," he corrected. "Now you're just hung over."

Hiei groaned again and relaxed. "I didn't... do anything to you, did I?"

Kurama's eyebrows went up. "No! Why would you ask that? Is it regular for you to be a sex-monger when you're drunk?"

"No. You didn't do anything to me, did you?"

"Hiei! I wouldn't!"

"Youko would."

"I wouldn't let him."

Hiei shrugged slightly. "I should get up."

Kurama chuckled. "If you could. But I doubt you can. Stay here." He moved over Hiei to get off the couch, picked up all the bottles off the floor, and glanced at Hiei.

"I drank all those?" he asked in a voice that was quiet to keep his own head from hurting worse.

"Yes, Hiei."

"Huh. That was probably pretty stupid, wasn't it," he stated intelligently.

"Yes, Hiei. But you forgot about Shadow for a while, didn't you?"

"Yeah... But now I have a headache."

Kurama shook his head, smiling, and left the room. Hiei closed his eyes and rolled over, curling against the back of the couch. He felt something move behind him and rolled over again, coming face to face with Kokuei.

_"Told you so,"_ she taunted. He winced.

"Don't talk to me. It hurts my head."

_"I warned you, but nooo,"_ she continued, ignoring him. _"No, you just had to go and get drunk. Did you benefit in any way from it? I didn't think so."_ She then slurped his face, causing him to cringe with disgust, and turned away. He reached out and scratched behind her ears before she could get away.

"Stupid dog," he muttered. She snorted, but said nothing more. Kurama came back and handed Hiei a mug of coffee.

"It doesn't work, but if you think it does, it might."

"Why not just a whole bottle of pain relievers?" Hiei asked, sipping the hot drink.

"Because that's not healthy."

Kokuei jumped up on the couch at Hiei's feet and lay down. Kurama sat on the arm and waited for Hiei to finish the drink.

"I wanna go to Reikai," the hiyoukai announced after a couple minutes. "See how Koenma's doing in finding them."

The redhead nodded. "In that case I probably should give you some sort of pain relievers, shouldn't I. Koenma wouldn't be pleased to know that without Shadow, you go and get yourself wasted."

"Oh, shut up. I'm going to take a shower." He sat up, putting his mug on the coffee table. There was a pause, then he said, "I wonder how they're doing, alone with all those bishounen."

"Let's not think about that, shall we, Hiei? I'm sure they're still being perfectly loyal to us. Yusuke's there to keep an eye on them."

_**

* * *

**_

"OH, SESSHOUMARU! I'M SO SORRY!"

Shadow flung her arms around him and hid her face against his chest. "I lied! I should have prepared you for the worst! But I led you to believe that it wouldn't be any big deal!" She sank to her knees, arms sliding down along with her to subtly feel his ass through the leather pants before wrapping around his right leg. "Will you ever be able to forgive me!"

The remaining eight bishounen were gawking. Especially Miroku, who, of the rest in the room, knew Sesshoumaru best.

"Me either!" Eclipse added, flinging herself to her knees and wrapping her arms around his left leg, but unfortunately lacking the proper alibi to feel his ass without it being obvious that she was doing it with every full intention of doing it just because she wanted to, not because she had her hands all over him anyways so why not grope his ass while you're at it, like Shadow did.

"What am I forgiving _you_ for?" he asked. Eclipse, sobbing against his leather pants, paused suddenly.

"For not protecting you from that vile, disgusting, insidious Karasu slime!" She went back to sobbing.

There was a short pause, in which the only noise in the room was the sobbing of the two guilt-ridden girls, before Miroku spoke.

"Um... If I may be so bold, Sesshoumaru... What in the world happened to you?"

"I was brutally raped," he replied sarcastically. Miroku's eyes widened. Not only had Sesshoumaru just spoken sarcastically, but what he had said was amazingly un-Sesshoumaru-like. If Miroku were to guess one thing that Sesshoumaru would ever joke about--hell, he never would have ever even guessed that Sesshoumaru would _joke_, or even _could_ joke--it certainly would not have been about being raped. Not even most normally sarcastic people joke about something like that.

The monk laughed nervously. "That's not really what I meant."

"I know that." Then, under his breath, "Stupid git."

Miroku continued as if he hadn't heard, and perhaps he hadn't. "I meant... Why are you dressed like that?"

"It's punishment," he stated, "for allowing a couple morons hide in my sleeves and jump out at a rather inopportune moment."

"Hey!" Shadow snapped, jumping up and pointing at him accusingly. "Any moment would have been inopportune! She said she was just waiting for the right moment to stuff you into this sinfully tight, sexy outfit! She would have done it even if we had _never_ jumped out of your sleeves!"

"So it's sinfully tight and sexy now?" Sesshoumaru said coldly. "Funny. Only ten minutes ago you were saying it was atrocious."

"I was?" She screeched again and again fell to her knees, hugging his leg. "How will you ever be able to forgive me?"

"I won't."

"You WON'T? How could you not forgive me! I did everything I did in your best interest!" She was on her feet and angry again.

"Convincing me to kiss Karasu was in my best interest?"

"You did WHAT with Karasu!" Miroku cried, disbelieving.

"Yes it was! If you hadn't done it voluntarily, they would have dragged you in there and he would have forced himself on you, and there would have been pain and bloodshed in the end, and for all we know, it would have been yours!"

"Cretins like Karasu could never hurt me."

"What if the fanatics chained you up and warded your strength, like they said they would? You have to admit, you _were_ at a disadvantage against your brother there, wearing those skintight leather pants that are drop-dead sexy and show every beautiful contour of your sexy legs."

"Perhaps I was," he said through clenched teeth, "but kissing him was still the most disgusting experience of my life."

"Well I've done it and it never hurt me!" Shadow snapped.

"AHHH!" Eclipse screamed, leaping back from both of them (she was on the ground hugging Sesshy's leg, for those of you that forgot). She held her head with one hand and pointed at the bickering pair with the other. "Shadow, you're arguing with the God and Lord of All! You're disrespecting Sesshoumaru with your petty words! You're treating him as if he's your equal instead of your EXTREME SUPERIOR!"

"FUCK YOU!" Shadow screamed. Everyone cringed from the pitch of her voice. "I WANT HIEI!" Without warning, she flung her arms around Sesshoumaru again and held him tightly around the middle, trembling.

"She's really upset," Hiro muttered. "I didn't think it was possible."

"Good," Yuki muttered. "Maybe she's not so shallow after all."

"I _heard that_," Shadow hissed quietly, but didn't move away from Sesshoumaru. She nuzzled her face against his chest, and he gently placed an arm around her shoulders.

Aww, tender moment.

"I want Kurama," Eclipse muttered spitefully, arms crossed, "but you don't see _me_ breaking down and crying about it."

"Oh, get stuffed!" Shadow snapped. "Hiei's been beside me for three years!"

"And you've never gone without him before? I think you just wanted an excuse to cling to Sesshoumaru like a little whore."

Shadow growled. "I don't NEED an excuse to cling to Sesshoumaru like a little whore! I do it all the time anyways!"

"That you do," he agreed.

"Oh, shut up. You like it."

He snorted. "You don't sound very upset anymore." Shadow smugly noted that he didn't deny it, but she said nothing about it.

"I get over things very quickly when Eclipse bitches at me. And plus, I have you to cling to."

"Joy."

_**

* * *

**_

Hiei, pumped full of pain relieving drugs, led the way to Koenma's office. He walked in unannounced and without permission and went straight up to the toddler's desk.

"Anything yet?" he asked. Koenma's scream was heard from behind a pile of paperwork that was so tall it hid Hiei completely from the toddler's point of view. The fire demon walked around to the other side of Koenma's desk and looked down at him, arms crossed.

"What's all this, Koenma?" he gestured to the three-foot-high stacks of paper. "What could you have possibly been doing to get so much work piled up?"

"This bishounen abduction has caused a major influx of paperwork! I have dozens of oni at work trying to find them, but so far we've reached 2010 and there's nothing so far!"

"2010? You've only searched five years in several days?"

"We are searching Makai and Ningenkai AND Reikai, every moment of every day in every place in all three worlds! Cut me some slack! I have as many people on it as I can spare! I've considered pulling a few off to help me stamp these papers!"

"You pull any off, and I'll stamp your _FACE._ With my foot!" Hiei threatened.

"Hiei, you have no people skills whatsoever," Koenma snapped. "You also have very little grip on political leadership. I'll do what I must and I'll do what I can. As for your precious girlfriend, when I find her, there is no guarantee we will be able to reach them any time soon. Shadow's antics when _you_ were kidnapped will not be repeated by you. There were more reprocussions than I'd like to think about after her little stunts."

"Really?" Kurama asked. "She never said anything about that."

"Of course she didn't! She didn't care! Even if I'd told her that what she did is worthy of prison, she would have laughed at me and danced away and fallen out a window or something! But would she have died? NOOOO! Even if she strapped bombs to herself and flung herself out the top window of a sky scraper onto a field of two-foot spikes, she won't die! She'll never die! God knows what it will take to kill her!"

Hiei had a very horrified look on his face.

"You sound like you've been looking into this extensively, Koenma," Kurama muttered. The prince looked up with wide eyes, as if he just realized what he'd said.

"No! I haven't! I swear!"

"If someone puts out a hitman on my girlfriend, you're the first person I'm going to accuse," Hiei said.

"Hiei, I haven't been researching methods of killing your precious girlfriend!"

An oni appeared out of nowhere from behind the stacks of paper with another stack. "Koenma sir, where should I put these?"

"THERE'S _MORE!_"

"Yes sir."

"Just put them there." He gestured to the shortest of the piles. The oni set his stack of sheets on top of that one, and it waved shakily. Hiei backed away, sensing the imminent implosion.

Every single stack of papers fell simultaneously on top of Koenma. Hiei snickered from the safety he'd fled to in the corner.

"Well, Koenma, I'd hate to keep you from your work. I trust you'll notify us when anything comes up?" he said innocently.

"Don't you dare leave, Hiei!" he snapped from under the papers. "Surely you're bored without Shadow." Crawling up on to the top of the papers, he continued, "So I think you should stay here and help me stamp."

"I don't think so. Good-bye."

"STAY!"

"Nope. I'll consider helping you after Shadow's back." He headed for the door.

"WHEN SHADOW'S BACK YOU WON'T HAVE ANY FREE TIME!"

"Sure I will." Then he was out the door, Kurama on his heels.

"That went well," the fox remarked.

"Koenma has made next to no progress whatsoever. It will definitely be more than a week before he finds them at this rate, unless they're somewhere around 2011..."

"He's doing his best."

"Uh-huh."

_**

* * *

**_

Dinner for the bishounens was a very hectic ordeal. Yusuke and three others went without, Roy was taken off to some unknown place to eat a romantic meal with his fanatic, and Inuyasha was overjoyed to see that his attempt at capturing his rabid psycho brother had gained the fanatics' forgiveness. Shadow and Eclipse got nothing again, so Sesshoumaru donated his food to them.

"But don't you need to eat too, Fluffy?" Eclipse asked.

"Not ningen food."

"If you don't eat human food," Shadow mused, "then what do you eat?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Do you eat anything?"

"Yes."

"Are you just too dignified to eat in front of us? Is eating food too low and menial of a task for you?"

He raised an eyebrow. "I eat. So does Eclipse." He turned Shadow's head to look at the other girl. She let out a strangled cry. Half the meal they had to share was already missing. She lunged and knocked Eclipse away, then quickly grabbed the plate and shoveled the rest of the food into her mouth. Sesshoumaru sighed and rolled his eyes. Chewing and swallowing quickly, she returned to his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck, resting her head against his chest and humming happily.

Yusuke walked over to the group and sat down heavily. "About sick of this yet?" he asked the demon lord.

"What, this,"--he gestured to Shadow and Eclipse--"or _this?_" and gestured to the room.

"The room. I know you're sick of these two."

"Yes," he answered. Shadow sat back and looked at him, offended.

"Sesshoumaru! I take great offense at that statement!"

"Oh well."

"Yeah, Shadow. I don't think he really cares that much."

"Fine. His loss." She moved to Yusuke's lap. He yelped.

"Hey! No. Hiei would kill me." He shoved her away and she fell on her face.

Meanwhile, Miroku, Inuyasha, and Koga were sitting off to the side watching the proceedings. The monk sighed wistfully.

"Why does _Sesshoumaru_ get the girls?"

"Why?" Inuyasha asked incredulously. "Who cares why? I'm _glad_ they stay with him and leave us alone. Those two are lunatics."

"I heard that!" Shadow called across the room.

"Yeah, what of it!" Inuyasha returned. The girl stood up.

"I'll kick your ass, that's what! You won't even know what hit you!"

"You know secretly you're really very jealous of your older bro cuz he can get the ladies without even trying," Eclipse added.

"Jealous? Of _Sesshoumaru?_ Sesshoumaru's a loser."

"Them're fightin' words, young lady!" Shadow snapped angrily, and with that, took off across the room at top speed. Inuyasha jumped to his feet and Koga and Miroku lunged out of the way just in time. The girl made her attack at speeds everyone but Yusuke and Eclipse were startled to see she possessed. She gave Inuyasha quite the workout, attacking him without a pause for breath, no hits making contact but not giving him time to make any swings at her.

Inuyasha lunged backwards at least fifteen feet and prepared to put Shadow on the defensive, but a very unexpected explosion of flames quickly foiled that plan. She burst through her own attack and punched Inuyasha square in the jaw. He was sent flying backwards and hit the floor, rolling a few times before he managed to jump to his feet. _Then_ he managed to get Shadow on the defensive while she was striking poses with her eyes closed.

POW!

Shadow went flying. Kenshin nearly screamed.

"You shouldn't hit girls, that you shouldn't!"

"She's hardly a girl!"

"HARDLY A GIRL?" Shadow shrieked. At that point, it turned into a wrestling match. Shadow strangled Inuyasha, Inuyasha pinned Shadow, Shadow punched Inuyasha, Inuyasha picked up Shadow and flung her. He lunged and grabbed her in mid-flight and proceeded plow her into the ground. Or rather, the person who happened to be sitting directly where she would have hit the ground.

Sesshoumaru had a very intelligent thought before the two snarling halfbreeds smashed into him: "Aw, damn."

And then he was suddenly plowed backwards, Shadow on her back on his chest and Inuyasha on top of her. Before either of them had recovered from being knocked back, Inuyasha was back on the offensive, grabbing a handful of Shadow's shirt and not seeming to notice, or perhaps just not caring, that Sesshoumaru was under them both.

A bright light filled the room, accompanied by the loud electrical ZAP! that announced someone's arrival. Seconds later, when everyone could see again, there stood Karasu. He turned around and looked at them, eyebrows raising.

"Why do I miss all the fun things!"

Inuyasha, straddling Shadow and holding her closer by a handful of her shirt, fist clenched to punch her, suddenly realized that he was sort of straddling both her and his brother, and it probably did look very wrong. He jumped away and simultaneously Sesshoumaru shoved Shadow off him and got up. She flopped to the ground like a corpse and didn't move. The demon lord got to his feet and dusted himself off unhappily, more as a show of dignity than because he would have any dust on him.

Karasu smiled and walked closer, and Sesshoumaru stepped into a defensive stance, ready to snap his light whip and lop off the crow's head at any given moment.

"Don't worry, Sesshoumaru-sama," he purred. "I won't bother you any more than Shadow and Eclipse do."

"Like that says much," the demon muttered. Inuyasha snorted.

"Hey, I missed you two kissing earlier. Why don't you do it again?"

CRACK!

Inuyasha was sent flying backwards by a particularly angry lash of his brother's whip, and crashed into the wall head-first, proceeding to crumble to the ground and twitch.

"Touchy, touchy," Karasu muttered. "You should relax, Sesshoumaru."

Shadow jumped to her feet, seeing the impending onslaught of pain from two directions aimed at Karasu. Sesshoumaru tensed, and Eclipse was already rocketting across the room towards the crow. Before the inuyoukai could act, Eclipse made a flying tackle and slammed Karasu to the ground. Shadow made a flying tackle simultaneously and knocked Eclipse off of Karasu and onto the ground.

"STAY!" she ordered, and lunged from her friend onto Karasu, straddling him. He blinked up at her innocently. "You."

"Yes, Shadow? Oh, thank you for protecting me from Sesshoumaru yesterday in the bath, that was really sweet of you."

She cocked her head to the side. "I wasn't aware I had."

"You didn't. You tried to kill me. I was being sarcastic. Now, what were you saying?"

There was a short pause, during which Shadow looked baffled and clueless. Then she snapped her fingers.

"Oh yeah. You seriously need to leave Sesshoumaru alone. He's currently in a very bad mood. In fact, he's always in a bad mood when you're around, now. Keep your mouth shut, do not talk to him. He is superior to you. He could kill you in the blink of an eye."

"I know," Karasu murmured, smirking. Shadow's eyes widened.

"Ew, and that turns you on, doesn't it."

"Yes."

The girl shuddered. "Keep it to yourself."

"I'll try. But he's just so beautiful."

"I'll give you that. But remember Kurama! What happened to loving Kurama?"

"...I'm mad at Kurama."

"Why? Because he sedated you heavily? Whatever happened to that one kid... uh... what the hell was his name?"

"Ryosei."

"Yeah, what happened to him?"

Karasu shrugged. "I fucked him one last time after he took care of me, then I left."

"You would. Ingrateful little shit."

"I am not ingrateful!"

"You're ingrateful. You're more ingrateful than me. Everyone puts up with me, and I'm very grateful to them. Hiei puts up with me, and I'm grateful and he gets rewarded. Kurama puts up with me and I'm grateful, and he--"

At a nasty look from Eclipse, Shadow nearly choked on her own tongue.

"And he, uh... Doesn't get rewarded in quite the same manner as Hiei, but, uh..."

Karasu took her moment of discomposure to switch their positions, pinning the startled girl to the floor and straddling her, then getting in her face. "How do you reward Hiei, hm?"

Her eyes narrowed. "You're really horny, aren't you?"

His voice grew quieter, but didn't decrease in its lustful tone. "I kissed Sesshoumaru, Shadow. If I weren't horny, I would have to have absolutely no sex drive."

She paused. "You have a point."

"Thank you."

Yusuke cleared his throat. "Um... You, uh... If Hiei knew about this, he'd be mad."

"Hey," Shadow said, "this was all totally Karasu's idea. And all he's doing is sitting on me."

"Straddling your hips when he's horny."

"Sitting on me. And telling me how much he wants to... uh, not finishing that sentence..."

Karasu smirked and whispered, "How much I want to fuck Sesshoumaru."

The leather-clad demon lord turned and stalked across the room to be as far away from Karasu as possible. Shadow looked from Karasu to Yusuke to Sesshoumaru, back and back and back, then shoved Karasu away and ran across the room, tripping halfway and falling on her face.

"I JUST HAD A BISHOUNEN OVERLOAD!" she announced happily. Picking herself up, she dusted off her clothes and glanced at the general gathering on the other side of the room.

Yuki, Sesshoumaru, Tsume, Hiro, Saitou, and Aoshi were all standing in the same general vicinity. Shadow looked like she was about to melt on the spot (especially considering how Tsume and Sesshoumaru were in tight, tight leather). Eclipse, a short distance behind her, was drooling all over herself.

"Sesshoumaru, we were so distracted with you that we almost forgot there's multiple other extremely hot older men in this room..."

"Great," Yuki muttered.

"MR. SEXY!" Eclipse screamed. She flew over to him and threw her arms around him. He cringed and tried to push her away, but fanatics, as he knew, have iron grips when they don't want to let go. Shadow wandered over to Hiro and tossed an arm casually around his shoulders.

"So, Hiroshi--it was Hiroshi, wasn't it?"

"Yes."

"Yes. So, Hiroshi... What've you got going on in your life?"

"You mean other than this?"

"I mean, in your life. Not in this crappy excuse of an existence we're existing right about now in this shithole room."

Yuki was suffering pretty much the same treatment, only worse.

"Do you have a girlfriend, Mr. Sexy?" Eclipse asked, leaning back to look up at him.

"Not... exactly..." he muttered, irritated.

"Not exactly? What do you have, a wife?"

"No."

"Then what _do_ you have? A _boyfriend_?"

The man frowned. Eclipse's face took on a look of wonder.

"You have a _boyfriend?_ You're _gay?_"

"No."

"You have a boyfriend but you're not gay?"

"YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND!" Shadow abandoned Hiro in the blink of an eye and shoved Eclipse to the ground. "That is so awesome."

He groaned.

"So, what's his name?"

A glare was his answer. She crossed her arms.

"Don't tell me and I'll start guessing."

"No."

"What's he look like?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Fine. How old? Older or younger?"

"Go away."

"Younger?"

"No."

"Older!"

"No."

"The same age?"

"No."

"Then he's older?"

"No!"

"Younger, then! How much younger? One year? Two? Three, four, five?"

"Go away!"

"What's his name?"

"Shut up."

"Let's try a different approach. What do you do for a living, Yuki-sama?"

He sighed. "I'm an author."

"Really? Awesome. Why kind of books? Horror? Sci-fi? Fantasy?"

"Romance."

"_Romance?_"

"Something wrong with that?"

"You don't strike me as the romantic sort of guy."

"I don't have to be romantic to write romance."

"You have a point. So, what's your boyfriend do for a living?"

Yuki sighed again.

"Is he an author too?"

"No."

"Doctor?"

"Far from it."

"Is he... a sanitarian?"

"No. Would you drop it?"

"What's his name?"

"Drop it!"

"I'll start guessing. Eclipse, help me out."

"Will do!"

"You may want to sit down," Yusuke advised from a short distance away. "They won't quit until you tell them."

"Is it Aki?"

Yuki glared.

"Akinori?"

"Akio?"

"Atasuke?"

"Baiko?"

One hour later...

"Jiro?"

"_Nooo..._"

"Josuke?"

"Noooooo!"

"Kagehisa?"

Yuki hid his face behind his hands and sighed heavily. Sesshoumaru and the others had long since taken a nice long walk to the other side of the room.

One more hour later.

"Is it Sanzo?"

"Satoru?"

"Satoshi?"

"Sawao?"

Ten minutes later.

"Shoyo?"

"...no..."

"Sho_zo_?"

"...nope..."

"Shuichi?"

Sigh.

"Shuichi? It's Shuichi? Are you serious that it's Shuichi? Omigod, that's so freaky! Eclipse's boyfriend's name is Shuichi! What's his last name? Does he have red hair?"

"No."

"Phew! Good thing, Eclipse. Otherwise I would have started thinking that perhaps Kurama was bisexual and cheating on you with this gorgeous hunk of man here."

Eclipse sighed. "Thank the lord. Though, I wouldn't be too opposed to knowing Kurama was cheating on me with some really hot guy."

Yuki flopped backwards onto the floor and flung his arms out. "Are you done?"

"Not quite," Shadow said, suddenly straddling him. His eyes widened. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

"N--"

"How big is your--"

"SHADOW!" Yusuke snapped. "Leave the guy alone, for the gods' sakes!"

She slouched and sighed. "Fine, fine... Good night, Yuki-sama... See you in the morning..." Getting up, she dragged her feet over to where Sesshoumaru was sitting. Eclipse said her good-byes as well, hugging him quickly, then got up and followed Shadow with a much more lively step than the other girl's dejected shuffle.

"Sesshoumaru," Shadow muttered, plopping down on his lap entirely without his permission or consent, "I'm tired."

"Then go to sleep."

"Aren't you tired?"

"No."

"Yeah right. You're tired. You had a very trying past few days." She moved to face him, straddling him, and put her hands on his shoulders. "With your permission, of course, I would like to give you a massage."

"No."

"I thought so." She began gently massaging his shoulders.

"I thought I said no."

"You did, Beautiful." She continued. He rolled his eyes, but didn't protest further.

* * *

Karasu just won't give up. So sorry. He won't give up for another couple chapters... Like, maybe until the end of the story, or when somebody shooks him in the head with a silver bullet... Or if I decide to make him give up... I dunno... I haven't written in a while, and I don't remember what I wrote last... Such is life.


	7. Know Thy Anemone

**(November 14, 2005) Somewhere around 130 reviews to date.**

**Now. Youko is in this chapter. Must I say more? I must? He's being a pervert. More? Hiei's the only other one around.

* * *

**

**CHAPTER NANA  
**Know Thy Anemone

Morning found everyone asleep, even Sesshoumaru, who had some how ended up lying down, with Shadow in his arms and Eclipse behind him with her arms around his middle, her head resting against his back.

Everyone else was dispersed around the room, some sitting up and some laying down, some sleeping like bricks and others waking up every time someone exhaled louder than normal. No matter how deep a sleeper they were, a very annoying noise woke most of them up.

"Rise and shine, darlings!" the overly joyful voice of Ayame called over the intercom.

There were some groggy mumbles and blinkings of eyes.

"Come on!" She clapped her hands a couple times. "Wake up! Get up! Rise and shine!"

Yusuke rolled over and yawned widely, then sat up and wiped his eyes tiredly, blinking himself awake. He glanced around as the annoying voice continued its cheeryness and all around the room people sat up, looking tired and grumpy.

Sesshoumaru woke up without all the slow, groggy, tiredness of the humans, but he didn't bother opening his eyes. The two girls were clinging to him, so really he saw no point. He didn't think they were awake, nor did he think they would wake up anytime soon, unless he got up.

"Is everyone awake!" the annoying fanatic voice continued. The screen flicked on and she glanced around the room, noticing that most of them were awake to some degree. Then her eyes fell on Sesshoumaru and she screamed.

"OMIGOD! YURI! YURRIII! COME QUICK!"

Shadow and Eclipse shot to either side of the room like lightning, leaving Sesshoumaru alone and innocent-looking in his 'sleep'. They continued sleeping as if they hadn't even taken a breath out of rhythm. Yuri's face appeared on the screen.

"What? What is it?"

"Omigod Yuri, those two whores were sleeping with your Sesshoumaru!"

"Only Shadow is a whore. Get it right," Karasu said. He smirked at the girl on the screen to show he was joking. "Good morning, Ayame."

"Oh, good morning Karasu, koishii! How did you sleep?"

There were several gagging noises from all around the room. Shadow got up, walked over to Karasu, and put her arm around his shoulders, guiding him in the direction of the wall. Ayame, on the screen, freaked out.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET YOUR HANDS OFF HIM!"

"Karasu, let me tell you something," Shadow said, ignoring the fanatic.

"What?"

"By being even mildly friendly towards that girl, you're getting in the bad favors of every fanatic-hating man in this room. And let's not even go into what _I_ think of it."

"But Shadow, she's _nice_ to me."

"It's just because you're attractive! She doesn't care about _you._ Just your _image_. I bet that if you put on something like a Hawaiian shirt and khaki shorts and sandals, she'd think you were a total gay-bo and ditch you like that!" She snapped her fingers for emphasis. "Just stick with me, my sexy little bitch. I know what's good for you." Standing on her tip-toes, she kissed his lips quickly.

"Shadow, I'm a hell of a lot older and more experienced than you. At everything. I can handle my own life."

"But Karasu, you're new to the whole notion of having feelings. Other than bloodlust and the desire to kill, you pretty much didn't feel anything before. No compassion, no love, no happiness... I've felt those things since I was _this big!" _The girl made a millimeter between her fingers.

"You were that big once?"

"Boy, was I! ...Was I?" She appeared to contemplate something for about a second while the fanatics screamed in the background and Sesshoumaru plugged his ears with his fingers while snarling under his breath to block them out. Then she just shook her head. "I digress. Point is, Karasu, my sexy little bitch, if anyone can get you what you really want, it's me. Stick with me, boy... Stick with me..." With a knowing, solemn nod of her head, she turned and walked back to the side of the room where she'd been laying. She fell over and started snoring instantly.

"Karasu! Oh my God, don't listen to her! She's out of her mind!" Ayame screeched.

"That, I am," Shadow said coldly, sitting up abruptly again and very wide awake, a deadly serious look on her face. "I am out of my mind, I'll give you that."

She got up, "But..."

She took a step towards the screen, holding up one finger. "But I know what I'm talking about." Step.

"I know _all." _Step.

"And those who interfere in the training and complete submission of my sexy bitch will very much regret it." Step...

...Step, step.

"Very much." Step.

"Keep that in mind." Step.

"For!" She spread her feet to shoulder-width and pointed her finger at the screen threateningly, eyes widened psychotically.

"For... I never, ever punish my minions." She stabbed forward with her finger.

"Never." Stab.

"Ever." Stab...

...Stab stab.

"I merely punish..." She relaxed her arm and stance and took a step.

"I merely punish those who cause my minions to stray from the beaten path." Step.

"And if you are one of those people..." She stopped again and narrowed her eyes dangerously.

"If you are one of those people... Your soul... WILL BE MINE!"

She struck a psychotic dramatic pose, feet wide apart, right hand fisted in the air, eyes focused towards it, left hand fisted at waist level. "HA! HAHA! HAHA! HAHA!"

And she proceeded to laugh until Sesshoumaru got up, walked over to her, and smacked her upside the back of her head. Then... Then she fell flat on her face.

"Owww!" she whined.

"Get over yourself," Yuki snapped. Shadow glared at him while rubbing the back of her head.

"You're so boring. I would think an author would have appreciation for melodrama."

Yuki snorted and said nothing more.

"Thank you for your amusing little show, you whore," Yuri said, "but I don't take anything you say seriously, in the least. I just thought you might like to know that."

Shadow was suddenly over her pain and stood up, glaring. "Have you bothered reading those fanfictions you found yet?"

"What has that got to do with this?"

"Know thy anemone!" Shadow snapped, pointing. "KNOW thy ANEMONE! Keep friends close, but keep your anemones closer! I mean, look at me! For all you know, Sesshoumaru is my mortal anemone! But look how close I am to him!"

"You're just a whore. That doesn't mean you're close to him."

"I'm _very_ close to Sesshoumaru-sama, my lord and master of all. Too close for him to ever be an anemone."

"Would you **stop **saying ANEMONE?" Inuyasha snapped. Shadow pointed at him.

"Silence, mortal!"

"I'm not--"

"SILENCE, MUTT!" she amended angrily. He glared. Koga smirked. Shadow continued in a much more casual tone, "Point is, you shouldn't not take me seriously. Read the chronicles of the past three and a half years of my life to see why."

"I don't have time to read a bunch of crap about somebody I hate," Yuri snobbed. Shadow rolled her eyes.

"Your loss. But when this entire establishment explodes because you failed to properly contain my stupidity, it's your own fault."

There was a short pause, then Yuri turned slightly on the screen to face Sesshoumaru more. "Did you sleep well, Beautiful?"

Shadow shrugged. "Your ignorance is my bliss..." She wandered off as Sesshoumaru replied coldly to the fangirl, "Actually, I did." A smirk curved Shadow's lips. _Take that, slut!_

"That's good!" Yuri continued cheerfully. "We have something fun in store for everyone today!"

There were multiple groans of disgust.

"No, it's seriously lots of fun!" Ayame added.

"It's not _sexual_," Yuri said. "It's a game!"

"I don't play games," Saitou stated coldly. Several others looked like they felt the same way.

"You'll like this one," Yuri told him. "Or else."

"Or else? So you're threatening them now?" Eclipse said suddenly, getting up from where she'd been laying through their entire exchange so far. "Threats, for your information, do not effect such strong and dignified men. Men like Sesshoumaru and Aoshi-sama and Mr. Sexy do not respond to threats... They overcome such things..."

"Shut up," Ayame snapped.

"YOU shut up!" Eclipse retorted.

"No! You!"

"You!"

"Ayame!" Yuri barked.

"Sorry," the other girl apologized.

"Heh heh heh..." Eclipse snickered. "I win."

"Shut up!"

"AYAME!" She turned toward the screen, "And YOU, stop, NOW!"

"Myeh, myeh, myeh," Shadow mocked. "Hey, by the way, I'm hungry."

"I don't care!"

"So am I," Yusuke pointed out suddenly. "I didn't eat dinner!"

"We'll get you breakfast!" the fanatics assured them. "Afterwards, we're going to have fun."

Several derogatory snorts echoed around the room.

_**

* * *

**_

Kurama was bored. Extremely bored. With no school work to distract, he had very few alternative options. So here he was, laying on the couch in his best friend's house. Just laying there. Doing nothing but laying. Glancing across the room, he saw that Hiei was suffering the same.

Hiei was bored. It was highly obvious. He was sitting in Shadow's recliner with the foot rest out, one leg straight out and the other bent. The side of his face was resting on his fist, elbow on the armrest, the fingers of his other hand occupied by sliding through Kokuei's long fur as she sat next to the chair.

"Hiei," the fox muttered.

"Eh."

"Wanna play cards...?"

"No."

"Didn't think so... Neither do I."

"Then why'd you ask..."

"I 'unno..."

_'Heey, Shuichi.'_

Kurama scrunched his eyes closed tightly when Youko's voice spoke in his mind.

_'Hey Shuichi?'_

He let out an annoyed groan, and the fox snapped, _'Hey Stupid! Just respond, dammit!'_

_'What do you want, Youko?'_

_'Your brooding is extremely boring. I find it hard to believe that you could become so attached to that girl. What happened to everything I taught you?'_

_'You never taught me anything useful, kitsune.'_

_'Well fine, unappreciative brat. Whatever. Point is, you know there's currently nothing you can do, so just make the most out of your time. Hiei was. He was training excessively... Then he got drunk, but that's beside the point.'_

_'There's a point?'_

_'Stop brooding.'_

Kurama sighed. _'I'm not brooding.'_

_'Bullshit.'_ There was a short pause of silence. _'Well. If you won't entertain yourself, your host, or me... I will.'_

With an extremely unexpected surge of energy that Kurama was definitely not prepared for, Youko switched their roles. Kokuei's ears perked up and she tilted her head to the side. Hiei didn't even bother opening his eyes.

"Hello, Youko."

"Hello, Hiei. Been a while since I've been about, hasn't it?"

"Yeah... Didn't miss you."

"Your love for me is evident."

"Love is the last thing I feel for you, fox."

"Aww. Is little Hiei being grouchy?" He got to his feet and crossed the room. Kokuei jumped up and scurried away. Hiei took this as a warning and finally opened his eyes, a bit too late, as he found himself suddenly swept off the chair and into a tight hug.

"Argh! Get off me you dumb bastard!"

"Stop brooding, Hiei!" He set the smaller demon down and Hiei glared up at him, straightening his shirt. "C'mon. Get off your little ass and do something amusing."

"How about if I catch your hair on fire?"

The fox grinned and ruffled Hiei's spikey hair. "Aww, you wouldn't."

"Dare me?"

Youko's face grew serious. "If you caught my hair on fire, Hiei, I would be forced to make sure you regretted it."

"Ha."

"You don't believe me?"

"I don't think you could do anything to me to make me regret it."

The fox's smirk grew wide again. "Oh really? Is that a challenge?"

Hiei allowed himself to smirk as well. "I dare you."

Youko chuckled. "Oh, Hiei. You shouldn't have said that..." His hand shot forward, and Hiei suddenly wasn't there.

"Too slow." The fire demon stood in the doorway. Youko spun and ran at him, very nearly hurdling the couch, and the fire demon turned and sped out of the house, slamming the door behind him to delay the fox further.

Quickly exiting the house, Youko spotted Hiei headed for the forest and smirked. Silly little demon ought to know better... Regardless, the fox took off after him.

Hiei quickly realized his error when, after about five minutes of chasing, the fox was gaining steadily, and he was encountering obstacles that had not been there the previous day.

"Damn _fox!_" he snapped, narrowly dodging a vine.

"It's your own fault," Youko said, catching up to the fire demon and running next to him.

"Shut up!" he swung at the fox and vines shot out of nowhere and wrapped tightly around his wrist. His eyes widened, and he quickly found his other three limbs bound tightly by the leafy plants as Youko stood in front of him, smirking.

"Dirty fox!" he snapped. The fox just smiled.

"I'll tell you again, Hiei. It's your own fault. Now... What shall I do to make sure you never do anything to me you'll regret...?"

"Can't I just promise?"

"A promise is just words, Hiei."

The fire demon jerked his arms in towards his body, trying to rid himself of the plants which held him captive, but it quite effectively failed, drawing a sharper smirk from his captor.

"Oh, come on, fox. I didn't even do anything. This is stupid."

"Aren't you having fun, Hiei?"

"No! This is stupid!" He struggled again, and the vines slithered further up his arm, getting a tighter, more secure hold. "Stupid fox! I'm serious!"

"So am I."

"Come on! This isn't right, what if Koenma finds out something about Shadow and I'm tied up in the forest at your mercy!"

Youko looked quite unconcerned. "Then you'll have to get free, I suppose." A slightly lecherous smirk curved his lips. "And you _are_ at my mercy..."

Hiei's eyes widened. "Y-you're not gonna..."

"I'm not gonna what, Hiei?" He stepped closer and bent down to be more at the captive demon's level.

"Rape me."

"Rape you?" His ears twitched as his eyes widened with surprise. "Hiei, I've never raped _anyone!_ If I had any desire to have sex with you... You'd be _begging_ for it by the time I was done with you."

"Well then it's a good thing you have no desire to have sex with me," Hiei said in a voice that struggled to hide the underlying question. Youko tilted his head.

"Did I ever say that?"

"...No..." he answered with widened eyes. "...You don't, do you?"

The fox straightened and sighed, crossing his arms and turning away. "I don't know," he sighed vaguely, his voice holding a smirk.

"Youko Kurama! You _don't_, do you!"

He turned back to the fire demon. "Hiei, I'm just about willing to have sex with _anyone_ after these eighteen or so years without."

"Anyone? Good, then when Karasu comes back--"

"Anyone but Karasu."

"Kuwabara?"

"Anyone but Karasu and Kuwabara."

"Then how about you just seduce Yusuke and fuck his brains out?"

Youko's ears twitched. "Now there's an idea."

"Then again, you could always give Kurama a go at Eclipse, then you can have her afterwards."

"Poor girl. She'd never want him again."

_'Thanks a lot, sick fox.'_

_'You're welcome, Shuichi.'_

_'Why don't you let Hiei go?'_

_'I want to make him squirm first...'_

_'You're doing a bad job of it.'_

_'Shut up. I haven't even started yet.'_

Hiei was looking at the fox curiously when he returned his attention back to him.

"I apologize," he said politely, smiling. "Shuichi wanted word with me."

"About you claiming that his girlfriend wouldn't want anything to do with him after you were through with her? Yes, I can understand why he may want a word with you about that."

The fox shrugged. "Now, where were we?"

"We were at the point where you were about to let me go free so I could kick your ass for tying me up."

"No... I think we were talking about how horny I am."

Hiei faltered and paled almost undetectably. "Were we now..."

"Yes..." He stepped closer to the nervous captive. "Yes we were. We were talking about how I want to have sex with anyone... preferably someone very attractive..."

"Good thing I'm terribly unattractive, then, isn't it. Would you let me go now!" Hiei snapped.

"Oh, but Hiei... You _are_ attractive..." He poked the tip of Hiei's nose with his fingertip. "Cute, in that sexy sort of way."

Hiei pulled away from the fox. "That's what Shadow says."

Youko sighed. "Of course you have to bring her up."

"What do you expect me to do?"

"I'm _hitting on you!_"

"And I'm trying not to think about that!"

"What if I started kissing you? Would you try not to think about it then?"

"Yes!"

"You wouldn't be able too. I'm too gifted."

"Let's not go there. Will you just let me go?"

"Hieiiii! You totally spoil my fun."

"My girlfriend is dead for all I know, and all you care about is having fun."

"She's not dead. You would know if she was."

"How?"

"You two have a bond." He shrugged. "It happens sometimes even if you don't want it to."

"So I'd know if she was hurt?"

"Yeah. Even across time. Do you have some sick feeling in your stomach?"

Hiei paused, then shook his head. "No."

"Then I'm sure she's perfectly fine."

_**

* * *

**_

"OMIGOD, I'M BEING RAPED!"

Shadow spun around to punch whoever had just tapped her on the shoulder and found it was Karasu. So she punched him anyways.

"You scared the shit out of me!"

He rubbed his cheek. "Well it's not my fault you're so raptured by eating Sesshoumaru-sama's breakfast that you wouldn't notice if your hair was on fire..."

"I would so!"

"Then how come you haven't noticed yet?" Eclipse asked. Shadow screamed.

"My HAIR'S ON FIRE!" Her hands went to her head and she patted around insanely, then shrieked, "IT IS NOT!" Eclipse stole her portion of Sesshoumaru's breakfast and inhaled it before she'd calmed down. When Shadow turned back to get her food, she found it quite gone. Accusing red eyes shot to Eclipse first, whose cheeks were puffed out from the stolen food like a hamster's. The blue-eyed girl cowered, and Shadow stood up, towering over her... and spun around to point across the room at Inuyasha.

"You dirty halfbreed! You stole my FOOD!"

"What!" he yelped. She flew slowly through the air like a deflated balloon, all wavy and rubbery and whatnot, all the way across the room to Inuyasha. Whom she promptly tackled with all the forced of a small deflated balloon, and ended up on her ass at his feet.

"You die!" she snapped, pointing at him. Her leg swung straight up and nailed him in the crotch. Then she got up and took off on her hands and feet, scurrying across the room to where Sesshoumaru was leaning against one of the un-obvious walls, and flung her arms around his leather-clad leg, hugging it tightly.

"Protect me from your scary brother, Sesshoumaru-sama! If he ever gets up off the floor, he's bound to attack me with his scary iron stealer soul reaver!"

"Soul Reaver is a video game," Eclipse told the girl. "You got the name of his move wrong. Now he's really gonna kick your ass."

"OHH! WOE IS ME IF MY GREAT LORD DOES NOT PROTECT ME!"

Karasu crossed his arms. "Why does Sesshoumaru put up with _that_, but if I go _near_ him he kicks my ass?"

"Because _that_ is a girl," Yusuke told him. "_That_ is a very stubborn girl with no real sexual interest in Sesshoumaru whatsoever, because she has a boyfriend."

"No real sexual interest, my foot!" Shadow snapped. "I would fuck him in a heartbeat!"

Eclipse sighed. "Wouldn't we all..."

"Well, I don't know about the rest of them, but I wouldn't," Roy said from nearby. Eclipse let out an exaggerated sigh.

"Goddd! Straight men are sooo boring."

"What about Kurama?"

"Kurama's not straight, he has secret affairs with Hiei."

Shadow risked removing one arm from its tight hold around Sesshoumaru's leg to point at her friend threateningly. "Silence, mortal! If Kurama was having affairs with Hiei, they would be no secret to me! For I know ALL! And those two never go anywhere together without me spying on them."

"I'm tellin' them..." Yusuke threatened. Shadow shrugged, returning her arm to its previous place around Fluffy's leg.

"Not like they can stop me."

Meanwhile, they'd gotten distracted from Inuyasha, who now came rocketting across the room.

"Get off my leg," Sesshoumaru snarled. Shadow was off in a second, standing next to Tsume and Kiba as Inuyasha swung his claws at his brother. Sesshoumaru dodged, having altered his usual fighting style, and swung his fist into the side of Inuyasha's face. The halfbreed stumbled from the hit, and shortly they were beating the crap out of each other once more.

The screen flicked on above their heads.

"Did everyone enjoy their--OH MY GOD!"

Inuyasha's second of distraction was enough to give Sesshoumaru the upper hand easily, and he slammed his booted foot right into his younger sibling's stomach. The hanyou fell onto his ass and coughed for a second, then wiped his mouth and looked up at his elder brother. There was a moment of silence, then he started chuckling.

"What are you laughing about?" Sesshoumaru snapped.

"It's just... really hard to take you seriously... when you're dressed like a man-whore!" He cracked up. A growl bubbled up from deep in the inuyoukai's chest, and Miroku and Kenshin quickly ran over and dragged the laughing hanyou away to avoid further injury on his behalf.

Eclipse and Shadow were quickly at Sesshoumaru's sides.

"You don't look like a man-whore, Sesshoumaru-sama."

"You look beautiful, as always, Sesshoumaru-sama."

"Inuyasha doesn't know what he's talking about, Sesshoumaru-sama."

"Inuyasha is a very stupid child, Sesshoumaru-sama."

"Do you want us to take out your revenge for you, Sesshoumaru-sama?"

"We would be very glad to, Sesshoumaru-sama."

"We'll do anything you ask of us, Sesshoumaru-sama."

"Go away."

"Except for that, Sesshoumaru-sama."

He sighed heavily.

"HEY!" a voice snapped. It was Yuri again, on the big screen. "GET AWAY FROM HIM!"

"No," Sesshoumaru said calmly, his hands landing on the two girls' shoulders.

"_No?_" Yuri seemed confused, then chuckled slightly. "S-Sesshoumaru, darling, you're confused. Those two are the bad ones. _I'm_ the good one."

The demon lord shook his head. "I like these two a lot more than I like you. And I don't even like them."

Shadow and Eclipse wiped mock tears away from their eyes. "I-I feel so loved..."

Yuri's face grew cold. "I need to talk to you."

ZAP! He was gone. Shadow and Eclipse screamed, and threw themselves into the arms of the two nearest men: Aoshi and Saitou. Why they were nearest, I don't know. But they didn't appreciate the two girls' actions, and promptly flung them to the floor.

Sesshoumaru, meanwhile, was having just a peachy time being bitched at.

"I don't know why those two girls are here, why they haven't died or been killed yet, but we will find a way to dispose of them. They've gotten away every time so far, but they won't keep that up for long. In the mean time, we're going to pretend they aren't here, darling. They aren't here. If they do anything to you, ignore them. Or better yet, hit them."

"I don't think so."

"Sesshoumaru, I gave you an order!"

"I have no obligation to obey orders from a weak mortal like you."

"I'M YOUR WIFE!"

"I'm not married. And if I were, I still would not obey anyone. Not even my wife."

"But you love me!"

"I love no one."

"Sesshoumaru!"

"Return me to my rightful home."

"No! You're my husband! MY HUSBAND!" she sobbed, throwing herself at him. He sidestepped and her face met the floor real quick.

"I hate you. Not only because you have taken me as your prisoner and forced me into this disgusting outfit, but because you forced me to kiss that bastard Karasu, and because you think you can control my life. Return me to my lands."

"NO!"

"I will not ask you again."

"NO! NO, NO, NO!" She punched his shoulder. "LOVE ME!" She hit him again, in the chest. "LOVE ME!"

_Freakin' psycho!_ He caught her wrists. "Listen to me very closely," he snarled. She looked at him with a tear-streaked face. "I. Hate. You. Now at least return me to the holding area with the others."

"No." She sniffled slightly and wiped her eyes when he released her wrist. "We're all going to play a game, remember?" Again, she sniffled. "We were going to have fun today..."

"I don't have fun."

"Please, Sesshoumaru? For me?"

"I will do _nothing_ for you."

"IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S GOING TO HURT YOU!" she shrieked. He didn't respond, but merely looked at her with cold eyes. She glared back with puffy red eyes, then spun and strode over to a control panel on the wall.

ZAP! Fluffy reappeared, right in the middle of a fistfight between, who else? Shadow and Eclipse. They froze instantly and flung their arms around him, simultaneously squealing a short "Fluffy!"

"The second you vanished, they attempted to kill each other arguing over who you liked more," Sanosuke told him from nearby, where, from the looks of him, he'd been knocked over and stomped on a few times.

"I hate them both equally," the demon replied. The two girls made appalled, indignant noises and flung themselves away from him with pouts on their faces.

"Fine! See if we ever come to your rescue again!"

"I don't need you to rescue me. Your last attempt landed me in these... detestable clothes..."

"I like those clothes," Shadow, Eclipse, and Karasu replied in unison. The bulk of Sesshoumaru's anger was directed towards Karasu, who was sitting off to the side with his back towards the group.

Before any carnage could be inacted, the screen above their heads turned on and a girl appeared. Some of the bishounen recognized her as one of the "security" girls. Those who couldn't read the bright yellow word emblazoned on her pink form-fitting shirt were left in the dark.

"At this time, all of you will be transported to a more comfortable setting for our game."

"What's the game?" Yusuke asked before she could zap them all away.

"You'll see. You'll have fun."

Several disdainful snorts echoing around the room was all that was left of the bishounen one second later. Shadow and Eclipse were left standing, trembling and teary eyed, on opposite sides of the enclosure.

"THEY LEFT US! _AGAIN!"_

_

* * *

_

**You love me, I know it.** Well, you may now, but you probably will not like me after the next chapter... Actually, I don't remember what happens in the next chapter... So it's all good. Have fun with your lives until I update again, fanfic druggies. :P You know you love me...

By the way, you all need to check out the Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter series by Laurrell K. Hamilton. I have the first three books and I read them in two weeks. Around three days each. (I read the first, then had to wait a few days to get the next two). Start with "Guilty Pleasures," then "The Laughing Corpse," and third is "Circus of the Damned." Yes, all the books have pleasant titles like that. I think there's 12 in the series. I'm on a vampire/supernatural obsession right now... It shouldn't influence my fics...

**-SJ**


	8. Fun is Not in my Vocabulary

**(November 20, 2005) Good news, everyone!** _-resists the urge to quote the Geico commercials-_ I finished writing this story on Friday. Yeah, I meant to post a chapter to celebrate, but I wrote the last sentence as my sister was standing about four feet away waiting for me to get off the computer. She wasn't in a good mood. I would have posted it yesterday, but I didn't get on the computer until 7:30 PM cuz I went to the mall and saw Harry Potter with my friend and her family and her little bro's friend, so, yeah. Then, I was only on the computer long enough to do a few things, talk to someone on MSN, and get my butt kicked off before I had time to proof the whole chapter and post it.  
**Anyways...** I don't think anyone was too horribly appalled with the Karasu-kissing-Sesshoumaru thing in the other chapter, so this chapter should be okay too...

* * *

**CHAPTER HACHI  
**Fun Is Not In My Vocabulary

After a bit more arguing, Youko reluctantly released Hiei from the vines. He glared, moving his arms around a bit to get them reaccustomed to moving.

"Jerk," he stated, then turned to leave. Youko caught his arm and the fire demon glared over his shoulder, and unexpectedly received a kiss on the cheek for his troubles.

"You know you love me," the fox teased, sticking out his tongue. Hiei sighed and pulled his arm away.

"I'll say it again: Jerk." He started walking back towards his home, with the fox on his heels. After a surprising amount of walking (they hadn't realized how far they'd run into the forest before Youko had caught Hiei), they broke out of the tree cover and were in the yard behind the fire demon's home. Entering through the back door, they became aware suddenly that someone was pounding on the front door, and Kokuei was barking angrily (_"Shut up! Shut up! Go away! I want to sleep!"_). Hiei sighed. The loud thuds were accompanied by a voice.

"HIEI! OPEN UP! COME ON! I KNOW YOU HATE ME, BUT THIS IS REDICULOUS! JUST LET ME IN!"

"I'll get it," Youko said, leaving Hiei in the living room as he went to answer the front door. To his knowledge, the door hadn't been locked, but when you were dealing with Kuwabara, it's possible he was just too stupid to realize that. Grabbing the knob, he turned it and opened the door so fast the human boy on the porch jumped.

"Kurama!" he cried, startled.

"Yes?" The fox crossed his arms and looked expectantly at the ningen.

"Um... Where's Hiei? Can I come in?"

Kokuei barked once more, a very sharp and obvious _"NO!"_, but Kuwabara didn't seem to pick up on it. Maybe she just didn't feel the need to tap into his mind so he could understand her. Ever.

"Hiei's..." He decided to play with the ningen's mind a bit. "Hiei's asleep."

"Asleep? But it's like, four in the afternoon! He never sleeps that long!"

"Well, we've been... doin' some stuff... He's kinda tired."

"Doing stuff? Like what, sparring?"

"Uh... yeah. Sparring. Sparring. That's exactly what we were doing."

"Uh... Okay... Well, can I come in? I'll be quiet."

"Um... It may not be the best thing in the world, he's not in the best of shape after our little... battle."

"But you're perfectly fine."

"That's because I was dom-- I mean, I won."

Kuwabara's eyes widened, but he tried to pretend he hadn't heard it. "Well... Even if you won, surely you would have got a scratch or something... You're not that much stronger than Hiei..."

"Yeah... Stronger, perhaps not... But I've got more tricks, and it's hard to fight when you're chained up..."

In the living room, Hiei was fighting between amusement and horror. Amusement that this was just funny. It was always funny to freak out the baka. And horror, because perhaps making the baka believe that Youko Kurama had just chained him up and fucked him into oblivion was, perhaps, not the best idea.

"Well... uh... should I come back later?"

"I don't know... Hiei will probably want a rematch when he wakes up."

"W-well... uh, well... H-have you heard a-anything about Yusuke or S-Sha... ah... um..."

"Koenma's looking. But he's a very busy man. We have to give him time. Now, if you'll pardon me, I've got someone-- er, something... to do..." He shut the door and moved to the nearest window to watch Kuwabara make a sad attempt at controlling his horror. After a short pause on the porch, a shudder wracked the human's frame and he turned and left the vicinity with the majority of his speed.

Chuckling, Youko returned to the living room, Kokuei on his tail. She jumped up on the couch next to Hiei, but Youko easily picked her up and took her place, setting her on his lap. The disgruntled dog started mentally bitching at him, but he scratched behind her ears and she relaxed, and after a minute made herself comfortable sprawled across both demons' laps.

"Hiei?"

"I'm refraining from either hitting you or laughing."

"Hitting me? Whatever for?"

"Did you _have_ to make the guy think we had sex?"

"It got rid of him, didn't it?"

"Yeah, but why did you want to get rid of him so bad? So you actually can have sex with me?"

"Hiei, come on. You convinced me. I won't bother even trying to seduce you. And if I touch you in any sexual manner, all you have to do is say the word and I'll stop."

"Wouldn't touching me in a sexual manner and trying to seduce me be the same thing?"

"No. For example, if I was trying to seduce you, I'd flirt and make you blush. But if I just wanted to touch you in a sexual manner, all I'd have to do was, say, grab your ass, or pinch your nipples through your shirt."

Hiei rolled his eyes. "You're disgusting. If you don't get laid within the next year, I'll personally pay Kurama and Eclipse to let you fuck her."

"You'd only have to convince Shuichi. Any convincing Eclipse needed would be taken care of easily and efficiently by me... That's one of the worst things about being trapped inside Shuichi... If I want to come out, he has to be off guard, or in a good mood... 'Cause I can't seduce him to get what I want from him."

Hiei just shook his head.

_**

* * *

**_

Sixteen bishounen were suddenly scattered around a fairly large room. It wasn't brightly lit, but it was very richly decorated. In one corner was a raised platform with three wide stairs leading up to it, presumably just for seating since they didn't appear to serve any other purpose. There were three huge four-poster canopy beds along the wall, as well as a few big soft chairs with big cooshy footrests in front of them. There was one step down in the middle of the room that stretched from wall to wall and was wide enough to hold a few more of these chairs, then it dropped down again to the other half of the room, which held more chairs and a fireplace just for decoration. Also scattered about, near the chairs and beds, were tables of varying heights and sizes. They were all made of polished mahogany, and everything else, all the beds and chairs and the carpet, were a rich crimson red color, the carpet thick and soft, the blankets and chairs and the curtains around the beds, soft velvet. A few floor cushions were scattered about; these had gold fringe, as did the blankets, curtains, and pillows on the beds.

"Holy shit," Inuyasha muttered. "I've never seen anything this rich in my life..."

"Neither have I," Sano agreed.

"I didn't get the impression those girls had such good taste," Saitou stated calmly.

"I didn't get the impression they had _any_ taste," Eiri added under his breath.

And Ed made the best observation of all: "At least it isn't pink."

They all agreed on that one.

A door on the top level at the far side of the room opened, and sixteen fangirls filed in, followed by about five "security officers." Sesshoumaru's fanatic, Yuri, was, of course, in the lead of the whole procession. The door was shut and locked behind them.

"Make yourselves comfortable," Yuri said, her voice not the most warm, or even very ditzy. She sounded unhappy as she seated herself on the top step of the carpetted platform in the corner. The other fifteen girls seated themselves on the stairs, and the five security officers stood in front of them with perfectly even spaces between each other.

Slowly, most of the guys settled themselves around the room. Sesshoumaru, Saitou, Aoshi, and Tsume remained standing, directing very bitter looks at the large mob of girls in the corner.

"Make. Yourselves. Comfortable," security growled.

"Why are we here?" Aoshi asked coldly. "Are you trying to impress us?"

"We're going to play a game!" one of the girls said. "Please, just cooperate. It'll be fun!"

"_Fun_ is not in my vocabulary," Saitou stated.

"It's really not," Sanosuke agreed. "Bug-face has a stick up his ass."

The next moment found the young man laying face first on the floor suffering from a severe nosebleed (which didn't really show up on the crimson carpet).

"I take it back," Saitou said thoughtfully. "That was fun."

One of the girls, presumably Sano's fanatic, was on the verge of screaming in horror. Another girl stood up and thrust her fist into the air. "Way to go, Saitou!"

The Sano fanatic screamed and a catfight broke out.

"Are we having fun yet?" Ed asked dryly.

"STOPPIT!" Yuri screamed. They stopped. "NOW! The game is truth or dare--"

"WHAT?" Yusuke screamed, standing up. "WE'RE GOING TO HAVE FUN PLAYING _TRUTH OR DARE?_ ARE YOU STUPID?"

Indeed they were stupid. Being fanatics and Mary-Sue-wannabes, they had few brains, and couldn't think of a better game if someone held it on a stick in front of their faces. Being girls, they liked to find out each others' secrets, and typically disregarded the entire 'dare' facet of the game. But now they wouldn't. (You were expecting something grand, weren't you?)

"Watch it, you!" one security girl said. "You should be more respectful. Anyone could dare you to do anything in this game, and you have to do it!"

"This is gay," someone muttered. Whoever it was was ignored, however.

"_Please_ make yourselves comfortable," Yuri said, forcing herself not to throw a fit about the disobedience of the man who had always obeyed her so well in RPGs.

"I'm comfortable."

The girl took a few deep breaths, knowing that demanding obedience wouldn't do shit. She'd already tried that today. It had ended in tears.

"Let's just start the game," Ayame suggested. "We'll be having fun before we even realize it!"

"I know _I_ won't notice myself having fun," Saitou said, "because I won't be."

If this were animated, you would have seen almost all the girls in that corner of the room erupt into flames and have the jagged angry teeth and those creepy white semicircle eyes and lots of rage, rage, rage. There would have been little squiggly lines of fury raising off them like heat waves off the desert. The entire corner of the room would have been trembling, even the air, from the combined effort of containing the imminent volcanic eruption.

But this isn't animated, so none of that happened. But they WERE really mad.

"Let's just relax," Kenshin attempted to comfort. Instantly, one of the fangirls got a bazillion tiny pink hearts all around her and her eyes got all glittery with love.

"That's my Kenshin... Always the sweetheart!"

The emotions around her were mixed, some even more angered by her disgusting mushyness over such a pansy, others slightly amused.

"Yes," Miroku agreed. "Let's try to calm down, _Sesshoumaru-sama._" He spoke the lord's name just above a growl, a grin plastered on his face for show. Sesshoumaru cast him a death glare. Damned monk. How dare he?

"Soo..." one girl ventured. "Who wants to go first?"

Now, as you may know, truth or dare with 32 people is probably not only a stupid and embarrassing event, but very difficult to control. It's not that easy to control with five or six. So, as you may have guessed as soon as the words 'truth or dare' entered your mind from this screen, this lame-ass game is destined for disaster. What kind of disaster and how soon it will occur are the only major factors in its destiny.

"I'll go first," one fangirl volunteered.

"Wait one minute," Miroku said. They stopped. "For those of us uninformed... How do you play this game?"

"Ohh! It's very simple," the girl said. "If it is your turn, you ask a person 'Truth or Dare.' If they answer 'truth', you ask them a question, any question that comes to your mind, and they have to answer truthfully. If they say 'dare', then you dare them to do anything in the world. That is, for our purposes, if it doesn't involve hurting anyone, destroying anything, or leaving this room."

"Jeez!" Yusuke exclaimed. "You take all the fun out of _everything!_"

"Can it be perverted?" Karasu asked from where he lay on his stomach on one of the beds.

"As long as it isn't sex," Ayame clarified. "Like, I couldn't dare you to... do Sessh--AHHH!"

Sesshoumaru had merely turned eyes cold enough to freeze hell in her direction, and she was scared shitless. Probably literally.

"If you even _consider it--_" he snarled.

"Nobody will dare you to have sex with anyone!" Yuri comforted quickly.

"All you have to do is never pick 'dare,'" Yusuke advised.

"Yeah, but that's the pansy way out," Karasu taunted. "And we all know Sesshoumaru is not a pansy."

"Indeed he isn't," Yuri agreed distantly, looking over the muscled body of her object of utmost desire.

"Yuck," Ed muttered.

"Right!" Ayame cried. "The game! Um. Yes. Um. Kita. You said you'd go first, right?"

"Yeah!" the girl named Kita chirped happily. "Let's see now. Yusuke! Truth or dare?"

He sighed heavily. "Why me first? Truth."

"Truth! Um. Well. Um. Let's see. Um. Oh! I know a good one! Have you ever had homosexual relation--"

"NO!"

"You didn't let me finish! Have you ever had homosexual relationships with Hiei?"

One of the security girls twitched slightly, and Yusuke answered again, "NO."

"Are you sure?"

"I think I would remember something like that!"

"Okay! Just making sure! Um. Your turn, then."

Another heavy sigh of annoyance escaped the teen. "Truth or dare... um. Karasu."

"Dare," he answered.

"Dare? Dare. Uh. I dare you to... Hm... I dare you to NOT look at or bother Sesshoumaru for the next five minutes."

"What! What if I can't?"

"Then... he can kick you in the face. I dunno. Is that appealing, Sesshoumaru?"

"Yes."

"Then it's settled. Look away, Karasu. Starting... Now. Five minutes. Go."

Reluctantly, Karasu turned his head to fix his eyes onto the wall, looking dejected.

"Your turn."

"Truth or dare..." Karasu sighed. His eyes scanned across the room, jumping to the ceiling as they passed over Sesshoumaru. "You." He pointed to Ed.

"Me!"

"Yeah. You. The short kid."

"**I'M NOT SHORT!**"

"Whatever! Calm down. Truth or dare?"

"Truth?"

"Truth. Hm." He scrutinized the teen for a minute, then asked, "Are you a virgin?"

"Wha--!"

"You heard me, shorty."

"**_I'M NOT SHORT!_**"

"Calm down! Just answer!"

"YES!"

"Good. Your turn."

Ed calmed down after a minute, and his eyes went to the fanatics. "Which one of you is obsessed with me?"

"Me!" one girl squealed, jumping up.

"Okay, then, you. Truth or dare?"

"Um. Um. Omigod. Um. Truth."

"Why me?"

"What?"

"That's your question. Why are you utterly and totally obsessed with me?"

"Um. Omigod. Because, you're cute... and hot... and strong... and you're so mature for your age! Most guys are such dicks when they're fifteen. And. Um. Omigod. Um..."

"Time's up," Saitou stated. "Your babbling annoys me."

"OMIGOD, SHUTUP!"

"Your turn," Ed reminded.

"Oh! Oh yeah, omigod!"

Five minutes later, Karasu was looking at Sesshoumaru happily while the leather-clad demon lord avoided looking at him due to the fact that Karasu was a perverted freak, and it was his turn.

"Truth or dare, Sesshoumaru," the crow said teasingly, grinning. The beautiful demon looked at him, and after a short moment, replied, "Truth."

We all know Karasu was hoping he'd pick dare, while at the same time knew he wouldn't, but he was still disappointed. However, that didn't show on his smug face.

"Have you ever had a relationship with another male?" Then he held up his finger. "Let me rephrase that, since we all know you aren't the 'relationship' type. Have you ever had sex with another male?"

"Why the hell should I answer that?"

"Because it's the rules of the game." He smirked. "And yes, I know you don't obey rules. But do it anyway."

"Yes," the lord answered calmly. "I have."

Inuyasha screamed. "You HAVE! That's so... so..."

"Hot..." twenty-one female voices murmured in unison.

"NO! Not hot! Ew! It's so... ew! Of all the things I've never known about my brother, why does THAT have to be what he comes out with!"

"Because I asked him," Karasu said. "And there is nothing wrong with it. Sex is sex."

"I agree!" one of the security girls chirped, thrusting her fist into the air. All eyes landed on her and she shrunk to the size of a walnut to avoid further notice, disappearing behind the pink sun visor with the word "Security" across it that she'd been wearing on her head.

"Anyways," Yuri said, "it's your turn, Sesshoumaru-sama."

"I pass."

"**No.**"

He rolled his eyes. "Fine. Inuyasha. Truth or dare."

"What? Uh. Uh. Truth."

"You're still a virgin, aren't you?" He said it almost arrogantly, as if he knew something about his brother that his brother didn't know he knew.

"What!" Inuyasha seemed startled and embarrassed. Sesshoumaru crossed his arms.

"Answer it."

Gold eyes locked on gold, one pair smirking, teasing; the other, angry.

"No," Inuyasha finally said, not breaking eye contact.

"No?"

"No. I'm not. Is that so surprising?"

"It was a human, wasn't it? That would be fitting. It was that priestess."

"Kagome! No way!"

"You'd better hope you never had sex with Kagome!" Koga warned.

"Shut up, ya mangy wolf! And Sesshoumaru, who I've had sex with is none of your business!"

"The same goes for you, little brother. So you shouldn't be so appalled that I've had sex with another male."

"That's just gross."

One of the other security girls spoke up, "Treat others as you wish to be treated, Inuyasha! Now, it's your turn! Shut up and go!"

A fanatic flung something at the brown-haired security girl, knocking her face-first onto the soft carpet with a bloody nose. "Don't you speak to my Inuyasha that way!"

"Jeez. You guys sure don't get along well for being on the same side," Sanosuke noted.

"Quiet! Play them game! Inuyasha! Your turn!" the first security officer demanded, having returned to her natural size. She also received a heavy object in the back of her head and went face-first into the carpet.

Some time later, the game was still going on. The bishounen were bored silly, and were starting to mill around and pace and get all fidgety, pulling at strings on their clothes and stuff. Sesshoumaru was finally sitting down in one of the chairs, which he'd kicked his brother out of since it's much more fun to bully Inuyasha than to bully someone like Yuki, who would probably just tell him to fuck off, even if he was a beautiful demon lord. So now, the inu youkai was resting his chin on his fist, feeling more bored than he ever had in his life, even as a child. He was barely even listening to the game anymore, and he didn't care that Yuki had just dared Yusuke to sing some annoying nursery rhyme about a teapot.

And now Yusuke was bitching and moaning. Everyone else was egging him on. Whatever the hell this teapot rhyme was, it seemed that they thought it would be funny for the boy to say it. Funny? Who cares, Sesshoumaru thought. _I wish I could make people drop dead just by looking at them._

This thought was suddenly intensified as Yusuke started this wretched nursery rhyme, his face burning red as he stood up and did some retarded dance sort of thing to go along with it.

So, Sesshoumaru was good and pissed off when the fanatic Yusuke had called on moved along to call on Karasu.

"Dare," the crow answered. The fanatic giggled and blushed.

"I want to see you kiss Sesshoumaru. Ayame said it was really hot."

"**No,**" the demon lord snarled instantly, suddenly fully alert. He showed his fangs, snarling like a rabid wolf. "I will not degrade myself by even _touching him_ again. You can NOT--"

"Oh, shush," Karasu said. "You have to cooperate. It's a dare. That's how the game is played."

"I will NOT."

"Are you afraid?"

"I'm _disgusted._"

"Oh, come on, Sesshoumaru-sama... Please? For the sake of good sportsmanship?"

"I will not do it for the sake of _anything._"

"Sesshoumaru," Yuri said firmly. "Do it. It's not like we dared him to give you a blowjob! Or worse, _you_ give _him_ a blowjob! Just kiss him and get it over with!"

"This oughtta be good," Inuyasha muttered. Sesshoumaru's entire body tensed, ready to lunge at his brother and rip out his entrails, then feed them to that dirty bastard Karasu. Or better yet, rip out his brother's entrails and hang Karasu from the ceiling with them. Either way, they would both die. Then he could find a gruesome way to murder all twenty-one fanatics in that corner. Not like it would be difficult, considering how weak they were, and only one slash with his Dokkasou would be enough to kill them all five or six times over. Hell, if he had Tenseiga, he could try to muster enough kindness after murdering them that he'd be able to bring them back just to murder them all over again. Boy, would he be happy then. _That_ would be fun, not this dumbass game.

He was so lost in his violent fantasies of death that he almost didn't notice that Karasu was crossing the room to him. However, he snapped out of his visions of blood and murder in time to stand up and stare down the crow as he approached.

"This would be even more fun on the bed," Karasu said.

"I don't want to have fun with you," the inu youkai snarled furiously.

"Oh come on," Karasu chirped, keeping his attitude calm. "Just humor me."

There was a short pause that seemed to go on for eternity.

"If I _humor you_ now... Just this once... you must swear upon your life that you will never EVER force anything like this upon me again." Golden eyes moved up to take in the mob of fanatics. "That includes you. Nothing else. I'm sick of this."

"Yessir," sixteen voices chirped in unison.

"So..." Karasu murmured, drawing closer. "Humor me? Just this once?"

A snarl bubbled up from Sesshoumaru's throat.

"Please? If we do it right this time I swear to you, on your life and mine and anyone elses' I may value even the least... If we do it right this time, I will not molest you for the rest of the time we are together here."

Now, we all know Sesshoumaru is not one to give in to temptation easily. This wasn't even temptation. How tempting is kiss-rape? But just to get the damn crow, and the damn fanatics, and all the other damn bastards who wouldn't leave him alone, off his back, he acquiesced. His head moved in a barely perceptible nod. Karasu smiled wider.

"Thank you so much." He all but dragged his extremely unwilling victim over to the bed and lay him down.

"This is disgusting," Sesshoumaru muttered as the by now somewhat obviously aroused demon lay on top of him. He shied away. "This is _revolting._"

"Shh. Relax. You're lucky to get away with just this. There's so much more I'd love to do to you."

"I'll bite out your throat out if you don't just shut up and get this over with," he whispered angrily. The crow, smiling, closed his lips over his victim's, slowly coaxing the lord to return at least half of the vigor Karasu was showing him. It was disgustingly long and passionate, enough so to make a few people briefly wonder if perhaps Karasu had suffocated the poor guy and was now making out with a corpse. Horrible thought, I know, but it's probably something Karasu would do.

Finally receiving long gashes down both arms from the claws of an angry--and oxygen-deprived--demon, Karasu pulled away to allow the lord breath. Granted, he needed to breathe as well, but he didn't want to let go, and kept dropping little kisses on the available skin until Sesshoumaru's breathing calmed and he shoved the dark-haired demon onto the floor, hard-on and all.

"If anyone else bothers me throughout the endurance of this immature game of yours, I will kill you very slowly and painfully with whatever method I feel is appropriate." He rolled over, grabbed a pillow, and closed his eyes.

Karasu picked himself up off the floor and absentmindedly licked some of the blood off his hands and arms. Ayame got up and ran to him.

"Oh, Karasu! He hurt you!"

Karasu shook his head, his eyes still not leaving the leather-clad demon curled up on the bed. "It looks bad, but it feels good."

A shudder rippled through all the un-masochistic people in the room, including Sesshoumaru, who sat up, grabbed the curtains around the bed, and drew them closed sharply, glaring at his bleeding kiss-rapist as he did so.

"Okay!" one of the security girls cried, flinging down her gun. "This game has gone far enough!"

There was a startled pause, a shocked stillness as everyone gawked at the apparently very angry rebellious security girl.

Yusuke suddenly felt very, very stupid. Under the pink sun visor, black hair hung over closed eyes, but white fangs gleamed as the girl smirked evilly. This was no Security girl. She tilted her head and opened her eyes to finally allow some light to fall on her pale face.

Shadow Jaganshi had been standing in this room the entire time they'd been playing this game. Just standing there, holding a gun, wearing a tight pink shirt with the word 'Security' emblazoned across her chest in bold yellow letters.

"Shadow!" he yelped, startled.

"Damn straight I am!" she snapped. "You couldn't tell, could you!"

"N-no... Actually..."

"I thought not. I hid my aura and never allowed anyone a clear look at my face... Do you think I look good like this? I think the sun visor and the high ponytail kinda make me look cute. Think Hiei would like it?"

"Who cares what _Hiei_ likes?" Eiri snapped. "You've been standing there the entire time watching us suffer and didn't do shit about it!"

"YOU'VE BEEN STANDING THERE THE WHOLE TIME, PERIOD!" Yuri screamed. Shadow's eyes widened as sixteen fanatics, three Security girls, and about ten angry bishounen all piled on top of her. The remaining security girl, with her pink visor, pink shirt, and white pants with the pink stripe on the side and "SECURITY" emblazoned across her ass, looked unconcernedly at the pile, gun over her shoulder, and wandered over to the only bed with the curtains drawn.

"Fluff-fy!" she sang, grabbing the curtain and yanking it back. His back was to her. "Fluff-fy!"

"What do you want?"

"We're gonna rescue you!"

He rolled over and sat up. "Rescue me?" He held up his hands. "I have Karasu's blood and flesh under my claws. It's a little late."

Her shoulders slumped. "It was for your own good. If we'd interfered, Karasu would have ended up raping you or something! This way, he promised not to molest you anymore, so he won't try to rape you, or kiss you, or grab your ass, or grope your--"

"I get the picture."

Shadow was currently being pummelled into a bloody pulp by approximately thirty-five people all at once. Sesshoumaru and Eclipse glanced at the pile of people simultaneously and each blinked a few times before he sighed and got up, grabbing Koga by his tail and winging him across the room, then some fangirl, then another, then Inuyasha, who he grabbed by the hair and punched in the stomach, then the face too for good measure, and for fun. Eventually getting sick of this tedious process (they all seemed to lunge back into the fray the second they got up from being thrown), he shouted, "**MOVE!**"

Never having heard him yell like that before, within three seconds everyone had stilled. He kicked aside all the half-dead people who couldn't move on their own, and Inuyasha just for the hell of it, and found only a bloodied pink and white outfit on the floor.

"Damn."

Eclipse screamed. "SHADOW'S DEAD! YOU TOTALLY DISINTIGRATED HER! YOU WILL ALL REGRET THAT! HIEI'S GONNA BE SOOOO PISSED!"

"Oh my God! We killed Shadow!" Yusuke freaked. Sesshoumaru looked up just in time to see and black and white form drop from the ceiling, do a flip in mid-air, and land on its feet in a crouched position, one palm on the bloody clothes.

Shadow looked at the clothes, then her hand. "Dammit." She straightened and walked out of the mob, over to Karasu, and wiped the blood off on his shirt. Then she walked over to Fluffy and flung her arms around him.

"You DO care!"

He twitched. Somehow, the girl had had a serious change of wardrobe while supposedly having the shit beat out of her. Rather than pink and white and yellow, she was wearing black. Tight black leather. A corset with lots of shiny silver decorations, and leather pants easily as form-fitting as Sesshoumaru's. However, she still wore her hair in a high ponytail and had the pink Security visor on.

Awkwardly, he patted her back. Not feeling so inclined to agree with her statement, and certainly not wanting to deal with the circumstances of _dis_agreeing, he chose the safer option of changing the subject.

"Why are you dressed like that?"

She stepped back, all smiles. "Like it? I decided if you were going to be forced to dress up all sexy-like for the benefit of others, I would sympathize and also dress up all sexy-like for the benefit of others."

"Ooh ooh!" Eclipse squealed, raising her hand and jumping up and down. "I want to dress up like a skank too!" She proceeded to take off the visor and wing it across the room like a frisbee, then strip off the shirt and pants to expose a similar outfit to Shadow's, only she was wearing extremely short short shorts that weren't tight, but _were_ leather, and thus exposed her thighs and knees between the bottoms of the shorts and the tops of her boots. Sesshoumaru sighed. Roy checked out her ass.

"Anyways--"

"_YOU WRECKED OUR GAME!_" Yuri screamed hysterically.

Shadow and Eclipse proceeded to fly through the air and slam into the opposite wall. They were off instantly, however.

_"YOU WRECKED OUR BISHIES!"_ Shadow retorted angrily.

_"THEY AREN'T YOURS!"_

_"WELL THEY SURE AS HELL AIN'T **YOURS!**"_

_"AND THAT MAKES THEM YOURS?"_

_"IT MAKES THEM NO ONES! BUT IF THEY HAD TO BE SOMEONE'S, THEY ARE MORE LIKELY TO BE MINE THAN YOURS!"_

"You're not accomplishing anything," Sesshoumaru muttered.

"Except making me hard of hearing," Koga added bitterly. "Put a lid on it, all of ya!"

"Well SOR-REE, mister high-and-mighty miniskirt-wearing wolf-man!" Eclipse shot back. "I'm just sooo sorry that she can't keep her mouth shut."

"Hey, thanks for apologizing so I didn't have to!" Shadow chirped. "Saved me the trouble."

Yuri was fuming angrily. "This just won't do," she stated furiously to the nearest girl.

"I agree," the nearest girl agreed.

"I don't," Shadow didn't. "In fact, I think this will do just fine. Come on, Sesshoumaru, we're bustin' this joint!" She grabbed his hand and dragged him towards the door.

"**_NOOOOOOOO!_**" Yuri screamed. She just held out the "ooo" until Shadow jumped on her and stuffed a hunk of cloth in her mouth.

"Shhhhh! You're hurting their ears! Look! Koga's ear is bleeding! Are you okay, Koga, o great wolf lord?"

"What?"

"I asked if you were okay!"

"What?"

"Are you _deaf_, you stupid son of a bitch! I asked if you were _o-kay."_

"What? I can't hear you!"

"Fuck you, too!" She spun and stomped away. Eclipse leaned over to Yuki.

"That's a no."

"What?"

* * *

**No great objections to this chapter, I hope?**

**About Harry Potter...** Awesome special effects, as always, but it was a little abrupt. It went from one thing to the next without any of the in-between stuff that, granted, isn't necessary, but adds to the story. It could have been better. But hey. They wanted to cram it into two and a half hours, so, they crammed it into two and a half hours. But the dragon was awesome.

**Note on Alucard (and other bishounen people think I should have included):** I've never seen Hellsing. Therefore, no Alucard. And the best vampire ever is in the Anita Blake novels by Laurrell K. Hamilton. His name is Jean-Claude. As for other bishounen I should have included... I HAD NEARLY FORTY CHARACTERS TO KEEP TRACK OF ALREADY! It was very difficult to make sure all sixteen guys got appearances and mentionings. I had to keep a list of them at the bottom of the document so I didn't forget them.That's why I didn't bother naming the fanatics and giving more of them parts than just Yuri and Ayame, and random security people. So, sorry if your favorite guy wasn't here. I can only do so much.

Now. Sorry for exploding. Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Hope my notes didn't make you forget everything that happened in the chapter. They sure made me forget...

Review, please.


	9. In the Presence of Celebrities

**(Sunday Nov. 27, 2005)** Got **171 **reviews... Probably won't get up to 250, will I. Not like I had even set a goal for this story. Had I? I don't know. I'm indifferent right about now... I haven't written anything in over a week, ever since I finished writing this story. It's probably a bad sign for my health. I'll slowly rot away because my mind has ideas in it, instead of having them filtered and deposited on the computer screen and in notebooks for storage.

Enjoy the chapter.  
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* * *

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**CHAPTER KUU  
**In the Presence of Celebrities

Nobody knew how, but Shadow and Eclipse had been overpowered. To make a very embarrassing display of the two girls' supposed "weakness," Yuri had ordered them to be strung up by their ankles in the white prison where the bishounen were being kept.

And so, there they were. Shadow and Eclipse were hanging by their ankles against one of the walls, arms crossed across their chests and held that way by ropes. They were frowning, eyes narrowed and brows furrowed as they puzzled over their recent mistakes.

After the events in the royal crimson room, the bishounen had been taken to a temporary holding area while Shadow and Eclipse had been left behind with the fanatics. The events in that room are unknown to everybody but the ones who had taken part, but they had gone something like this:

Yuri pulled something similar to a walkie-talkie off her belt, said something, and Shadow and Eclipse were abruptly in a room full of weird-ass ugly old creature things. Now, these were some seriously weird-ass things, and needless to say, some were very foul-smelling, troll-looking, hairy, scaly, dirty, skanky, vile creatures.

Being females who highly value their hygeine when it happens to be put at the mercy of STD-carryin' freaks like these, the two were mortified, paralyzed with fear and disgust. And when the wall of slimey disease-ridden weirdos moved towards them, they could do nothing but scream.

They shortly found themselves tied up in a cocoon of ropes, totally immobile. They were moved to the white room, and the bishounen appeared shortly after. Karasu's arms were bandaged, but otherwise there was no change in their conditions. Not that you expected any.

Of course, the bishounen were all rather startled to see the leather-clad hanyou girls hanging upside down from the wall. What had happened didn't make a whole lot of difference, but they asked anyways. And got a melodramatic story about heroism and shit that was obviously a lie, because if they'd tried anywhere near as hard as they said, they wouldn't be in their position now. Yusuke pointed this out, and added kindly, "You did something stupid, didn't you?"

"Jeez, what makes you think that?" Koga snapped before they could answer.

"Useless girls," Inuyasha added. It was probably the first time he and Koga had agreed on anything since they'd met.

"They're not entirely useless," Yuki pointed out. Everyone looked at him as he casually leaned against the wall.

"How do you figure?" Inuyasha asked skeptically.

"At least now we know where the wall is," he stated with a smirk.

"You jerk!" Eclipse cried. "And here I thought you were all nice and sexy!"

"Eclipse, get real," Shadow sighed. "All the sexiest guys are always jerks to some degree. Look at Hiei. And he does have a point. We _are_ serving a purpose."

"You mean other than being wall-markers?"

"Yes. We're hanging here upside down in plain view of everyone, so they can all feel better about having gorgeous girls such as us in their midst, instead of forgetting about us half the time when we were clear across the room, silent as mice and innocent as babies."

"Oh, believe me," Aoshi muttered, "we were never lucky enough to forget about you."

"SHUT UP, YA JACKASS!" Shadow exploded. She started thrashing, looking something like a cocoon about to crack and spew out a beautiful butterfly. However, she didn't crack open, and if she had, nothing beautiful would have been spewed, you can be sure of that one. Abruptly, she stopped and sighed. "Fluff-ffyyy!" she called. Eclipse took up the call.

"Fluff-ffyyy!"

"_Fluuuhhh-feeeee!_"

If you hadn't noticed, Sesshoumaru had abandoned them, and was currently sitting as far away from them as possible with his back to them.

While the two girls kept up their barrage of "Fluffy," and Fluffy ignored them quite professionally, Yusuke began contemplating their odds of getting out of the room alive, conscious, and of their own power. After some random--totally random--calculations, he reached the conclusion that at this rate, Shadow and Eclipse's likeliness of leaving the room of their own power was down around 5 percent, conscious was perhaps 8 percent, and alive, at this rate... well, considering who they were, he boosted it up from 10 to 50 percent. As for him and the other men getting out of the room alive... Karasu's likeliness was below the girls', as was Inuyasha's. Everyone else's, at this moment, couldn't be entirely decided, considering how they still had no clue where they were, how they got there, or how to get back.

"_FUH-LUH-FEEE! HEL-LO!_"

Tsume exploded. "Would you _SHUT UP!_"

They shut up.

"Just leave him alone!" the wolf continued. "God knows you're pissing off everyone, not just me."

"You really are," Hiro added helpfully. Shadow looked angry.

"Oh, thanks, mister high-and-mighty friend of Mr. Sexy! Like I care if I annoy you! Who are you, anyways? Some high-school punk nobody!"

"I'm not in high school," he said. "And--"

"Well neither am I, but that doesn't make you important! I'm not listening to another word you say! La la la la!" She started swinging from side to side, singing loudly. Hiro plugged his ears for a minute, then realized he recognized the song.

"Hey! If you're gonna bitch at me, you can't sing Bad Luck's music!"

"I can sing whatever the hell I want to! What're you gonna do to stop me?" She continued swinging and singing, "Spicy Marmalade hajiketa mama de kon yori no CHANSU o tsukame Vanish into the night jidai wa maru de ui himeta kao de madowaseru!"

"Oh, shut up!" Yuki snapped. Shadow froze and silenced.

"Why should I, you sexy jackass? You don't like my beautiful singing voice?"

He snorted and looked away. Hiro was frowning, arms crossed. She looked at him suspiciously.

"Am I missing something?"

"Yes. Like, your brain?"

She squinted at him. "Are you trying to tell me something?"

He rolled his eyes. "Hiroshi Nakano, plays guitar for the band Bad Luck. Ring a bell?"

"...Isn't your name Hiroshi Nakano?"

He nodded. She tilted her head. "Per chance, would you happen to play guitar, Hiroshi Nakano?" He nodded again. "Is Shuichi Shindou an acquiantance of yours?"

"'Best friend' would be a more fitting term."

"Wait, so you're THAT Hiroshi Nakano!"

"Yes, I'm _that_ Hiroshi Nakano. You really are clueless."

"OMIGOD!" She thrashed around. "Omigod, Eclipse, we're in the presence of a celebrity!"

"Huh?" Her eyes blinked open. "Was I asleep?"

"_WE'RE IN THE PRESENCE OF A CELEBRITY!_" the other girl screamed, sending Eclipse flying nearly horizontal along the wall. She swung back and smashed into Shadow. Shadow screamed, suddenly having another epiphany when her eyes fell on Yuki.

"YUKI! EIRI YUKI!" He cringed and looked at her. "You're _that_ Eiri Yuki, just like Hiro is _that_ Hiro Nakano!"

He stared blankly.

"YAY CELEBRITIES!"

"Do you have any idea what's going on?" Kenshin asked Sanosuke. The younger man shook his head.

"Not in the least. I think they're the only ones who do."

"They are cele-brities, they are cele-brities," Shadow was singing happily. She stopped abruptly. "Why didn't you tell us!"

"I told you I was an author," Yuki pointed out. "You didn't catch on."

"Which I should have!" she said triumphantly, "Because I've read all your books!"

"Great. A drooling fan."

"Oh, don't worry. No amount of money or fame would get me in bed with you."

"Get real," Yusuke muttered. "If you weren't with Hiei--"

"If I weren't with Hiei, I'd fuck Mr. Sexy in a heartbeat if he wanted me to. But I _am_ with Hiei, and I like him a heck of a lot more than this jerk."

"Thanks," Yuki muttered.

"You're welcome."

_**

* * *

**_

Youko was dozing on the couch while Hiei played video games. One of his legs was hanging off the couch, and Kokuei was lying on the place where that leg would have been had it been on the couch instead of off, as well as halfway on top of Youko. Her head was pillowed on his abs--not the softest surface around, but warm, and that was nice.

The TV volume was all the way down, and one of Shadow's CD's was playing. Hiei had no idea what it was, but it was fast paced, and went along well with the car racing game he happened to be playing right now on her Gamecube.

Quite abruptly and without warning, Koenma appeared in the middle of the living room. Hiei made a startled noise, wrecked the car, shouted an obscenity, and the song playing currently on the stereo let out a loud shouting growl unexpectedly. Youko woke up instantly, accidentally kicking Kokuei when he swung his other leg off the couch, having forgotten she was there. She yelped and jumped up, stepping on the fox's stomach as she leapt off the couch. He groaned in pain.

"Move, Koenma! Can't you see I'm doing something!" Hiei snapped.

"Koenma?" Youko said, finally getting a moment to take in his surroundings. "Oh. Koenma. What do you want?"

"I figured you might want to know that we've located the center of all the time distortions."

"The center?" Youko queried as Hiei wrecked his car again.

"Yes. The place, or rather time, where all the distortions originated."

"Yes?" Hiei prompted. "Spit it out."

"May, 2015."

"2015? That's only ten years. So what are we gonna do?" Youko asked.

"It took you almost a week to search ten years?" Hiei snapped. "Could you have done it any _slower?_"

"Yes, Hiei. I could have," Koenma said curtly. Hiei seemed to be playing the role of 'teenage brat,' because he had started another race instantly after asking, and didn't respond to Koenma, giving all his attention to the cars. This annoyed Koenma. He turned towards the Gamecube and held one finger above it, searching for the power switch.

"Turn it off and I'll fry your brains up like hamburgers and feed them to the weasels." His eyes didn't even leave the television once. Koenma edged towards Youko.

"Um... What's up with Hiei? I figured he'd be happy."

"Hiei's..." Youko shrugged. "Hiei's being a brat."

"Oh, shove it, fox!" He set down his video game controller, shut off the TV and console, turned down the stereo, and looked at Koenma expectantly. "Well?"

"Well? Well. Oh, well, it will take us a few days to rig up a time portal--"

"A few days! A few more freakin' days! For all we know, they're all dead. Did you bother checking that? _Can_ you?"

"Calm down, Hiei," Youko said.

"We could do it faster, perhaps, if I had a few more assistants in Reikai..."

Hiei sighed. "Us, right?"

"It wouldn't hurt you."

"What would 'assistant' entail?"

Koenma shrugged. "Run errands, stamp papers, do whatever needs done."

"Run errands." Hiei sighed. He felt something nudge his leg and glanced down at Kokuei. "What about my dog?"

"Your _dog?_ _**Your** _dog? I thought it was Shadow's!"

"_She_ is technically nobody's, because she comes and goes as she pleases."

"Then what's the problem? Leave her outside."

_"Bastard,"_ Kokuei muttered.

"She likes the house."

"Then leave her inside!"

"She can't open doors."

"So?"

"So what do you think she's gonna do, use the toilet? Open the fridge and get out her own dog food and open the can all by herself?"

"What about Kuwabara!"

"She hates Kuwabara."

Koenma sighed. "Fine! You can have a few breaks to take care of your stupid dog."

"Thank you." He stood up, petting Kokuei's head. "So, when do we start?"

Koenma just blinked stupidly.

_**

* * *

**_

Shadow's head turned from side to side abruptly, jerky-like, like a squirrel. She was still hanging upside down, all the blood having long since rushed to her head. Luckily, she didn't have a brain, or it would have drowned in blood by now, and she would be dead.

"I smell the sweet scent of freedom..."

"Whe...?" Eclipse asked. She looked a little worse off than Shadow, for reasons unknown. Her eyes were halfway closed with the bottom lid, and they were bloodshot. She had a nosebleed, reasons unknown, and how it was making its way out of her nose is beyond me, but it was finding a way. Gravity defying blood, I suppose. Really, she kind of looked stoned.

"I said, I feel like getting our asses out of here," she said. She started swinging from side to side. "A little help!"

Everyone had lost interest in them rather quickly, and were now occupied otherwise. Yuki had found a pen in his pocket, and had been pleasantly surprised to find that it wrote on the smooth floor without smearing too badly. He and Saitou, for lack of anything better to do, were playing some sort of board game that they'd drawn on the floor. The playing pieces were a couple guitar picks they'd stolen from Hiro, who was sitting nearby watching, Kiba at his side with his chin propped on the heel of his hand. None of them really had any idea what was going on, how the game was played, or even what it was called. But they had nothing better to do.

Shadow's eyes darted around the room. Seeing everything upside down kind of made her sick. Not to mention, her legs were kind of numb, and her head ached. "Yusuke...?"

He glanced up.

"Could you _please_ unchain me?"

"I don't wanna get in trouble." That's what he'd said last time. She glared. Her next victim was Inuyasha.

"Inuyasha?"

"Nope. You like my brother way too much for me to help you."

"Come on! I know he's not gonna help me! I hate him, will you help me now?"

"Nope."

"Oh, for the love of..." Karasu sighed. A link on the chains holding both girls up exploded, and they landed heavily on their heads. Shadow winced, her whole body tingling as the blood decided to right its course and find its way to her feet. Eclipse's eyes were rolled back in her head and the blood flow from her nose had increased.

"Now, to get--" She'd barely budged, and blackness flooded her brain.

At the sudden stillness and silence from the girls, Karasu got up and walked closer. "They're out cold."

"Good!" Aoshi snapped.

"Maybe they'll die," Yuki suggested in a monotone.

"That's not very nice, that it isn't!" Kenshin reprimanded, getting up and walking towards the girls. He knelt by them and checked their heartrates.

"Don't expect much," Karasu advised. "I don't think they have hearts."

"Of course they have hearts," Kenshin said. He put his fingers on Shadow's neck and paused. His eyes widened. "Her heart isn't beating!"

"She's dead!" Yuki asked, his voice sounding hopeful.

"You're such a jerk," Hiro snapped, getting up.

"Yes, everyone gather 'round the halfwits," Aoshi muttered. "I personally hope they don't wake up."

"You guys have no compassion," Kiba said quietly. But he didn't get up to check on the girls, and neither did Tsume. Sesshoumaru didn't even glance over his shoulder in their direction. Instead, he lay down with his head pillowed on his arm, and closed his eyes, facing the wall.

"I guess he doesn't care after all," Roy pointed out to Ed, gesturing towards the inuyoukai.

"Apparently not."

"Or maybe he just knows they're not in any serious danger," Karasu pointed out, getting up and walking in the general direction of the demon lord.

"Maybe they aren't in danger, but if you go botherin' **him**, _you_ will be," Yusuke warned. "For Shadow's sake, and Sesshoumaru's, just leave him alone!"

"I'm not gonna touch him," the crow promised. "I won't touch him."

"Well I ain't comin' to your rescue if you do," the teen grouched. "Just so you know."

"I would never expect you to, Yusuke." He set off across the room.

Meanwhile, Shadow's heart had started beating, Eclipse's nosebleed had stopped, and Saitou had beaten Yuki at whatever game they'd been playing. His reward was one of the novelist's precious few remaining cigarettes.

The black-haired demon completed his journey across the room and sat down near Sesshoumaru, leaning back on the wall casually and casting a subtle glance at the lord for any reaction. He didn't even get a sigh, or a frown.

The 'gawking at the half-dead unconscious forms of Shadow and Eclipse' fad passed quickly, and by 'lights out' that night, everyone was scattered about the room, welcoming the darkness so they could sleep in peace.

However, late, late that night, so late in fact that it was really very, very early in the morning, a bright flash lit the room. Ker-FLASH! And Shadow and Eclipse's unconscious forms were ZAPPED from the room.

Whether it was that the two girls were unconscious or just asleep was neither obvious nor easily determined. So the fanatics didn't bother. Not like they cared. It's easier to dispose of them when they're quiet and still anyways. Waking them up to determine whether they were in a semi-coma or just in their death-deep sleeps would be a stupid move worthy only of somebody as all-mightily retarded as Shadow herself. And gosh durn it, we all know those fanatics are just downright freakin' geniuses, right?

"Get them over here," a voice whispered.

"Carry them--be gentle, don't let them wake up! We've got to get rid of them while they're asleep."

"I'll push the button. Just get them over the opening."

Shadow and Eclipse, sleeping like rocks, were placed over a big trap door type of deal on the floor of a small room. The fanatics scattered like cockroaches when you turn on a light, and the next thing anyone knew, the door opened under the two hanyous. They fell. I managed to document all of Shadow's thoughts as she fell, being as she's in my brain and all. They went something like this:

_Zzzzzz... Huh? Uh... Falling. They say if you're falling a dream and you hit the bottom, you're dead when you wake up. That would really suck if I died. That's okay, Sesshoumaru would revive me... Wow, this dream seems pretty real... Something stinks... It's kind of hot in here... Wait... I'm awake. OH SHIT!_

At this point, her arms and legs flew out to the sides, and she did a complete split. Her boots slammed into what sounded like aluminum. Her hands braced against smooth, warm metal. And Eclipse landed on top of her, sending her sliding down the metal chute about a foot.

"Shit, fatso! Get off me, bleedin'-nose-faced moron!"

Eclipse hummed and yawned, nuzzling against Shadow. "Cushy fat..."

"GET OFF ME!" The fire hanyou looked over her shoulder and saw flames. "Oh, that's terribly bad." She looked up the chute and saw about six female faces dimly about twenty feet up, peering down at her. "YOU SKANKY FAGGOTS!"

"Just give up, you whore! Let yourself fall! Nobody can survive an incinerator!"

"Incinerator?" she muttered to herself, then raised her voice, "INCINERATORS ARE FIRE, AREN'T THEY?"

"YES, STUPID! THEY BURN OUR GARBAGE!"

"WELL THEN WHY DID YOU THROW ME IN HERE?"

"BECAUSE YOU ARE GARBAGE!"

"INCIDENTALLY, DID YOU EVER READ THE FANFICS?"

"WHAT?"

"THE FANFICS WHICH CREATED ME!"

"NO! I TOLD YOU WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO WASTE ON--"

"WELL THEN YOU'RE A BUNCH OF STUPID SHITS! IF YOU'RE GONNA TRY TO KILL ME, AT LEAST DO IT RIGHT!" She ventured moving one arm and grabbed Eclipse's head, pulling her ear closer to her lips and whispering, "Eclipse, cheesecake."

"WHERE?" The girl sat up, head turning sharply from side to side to side, then up and down and side to side again, before she finally registered that she was sitting on Shadow's stomach, and Shadow was braced in a rectangular chute that was hot as Hell and stank like rotten meat.

"Sleep well?" Shadow asked bitterly.

"Yes, fairly... um... what's going on?"

"They're trying to kill us. My stomach isn't made to hold a hundred and some pounds of useless material up. Either do something useful or get off me."

"But... I can't get off you... There's fire down there and fanatics up there..."

"Then DO SOMETHING USEFUL!"

"Like WHAT?"

"I don't know! You're the one who can pull the water out of nowhere! Extinguish the fire!"

"Why can't you?"

"I'M KIND OF OCCUPIED!"

"Physically, but not mentally..."

"You know how strenuous it is to hold up my weight, and your weight, in a chute so wide I have to nearly do a split to get my legs on either side of and am lucky to be able to reach a third side above my head with my hands to brace myself from doing a split upside down and falling head first into that inferno?"

"Not a clue."

"WELL I CAN'T DO ANYTHING BUT THIS! SO DO SOMETHING!"

Meanwhile, back in the dark room with the guys who were tired from a miserable day of truth or dare, angry voices were echoing through the pipes in the walls that led to the garbage disposal.

Kiba was lying on the floor in his wolfy form. His ears twitched and he shook his head as if to get rid of an annoying pest buzzing about.

"HEELLLLLPPP!" was a muffled scream in the walls.

"THAT'S NOT USEFUL!" another female voice retorted angrily.

Inuyasha's ears twitched and he growled. All the demons seemed to be awake and feeling angry.

"Why must they be so goddamned loud?" Koga grumbled.

"Because they're stupid," Inuyasha retorted irritably.

"WELL WHAT DO YOU CALL _USEFUL?_" Eclipse's voice screamed.

"I DON'T KNOW! NOT SCREAMING FOR HELP! I BET SESSHOUMARU'S STILL FAST ASLEEP!"

Everyone looked towards the last known position of the demon lord. As if knowing this, he answered the unspoken question.

"Not hardly."

_**

* * *

**_

Shadow's arms were starting to tremble from the strain of her awkward position that was expected to hold up twice her weight and keep them both from dying.

"Come on, Eclipse, you're not retarded. Just do something before the fanatics actually manage to kill us," she pleaded. Eclipse looked around. She looked left and right, forward and behind, up and down.

"There," she said, pointing down. "About six feet down there's an opening."

"Oh, excellent. Is it big?"

"It's big enough. I couldn't tell you whether crawling into it would be a good idea or not, but it's probably a better option than burning to death."

"Marvelous. So... how do we get to it?"

"Let me go down and I'll just drag you in. Or something."

Something suddenly hit Eclipse in the head. She yelped and looked up. The fanatics were throwing things down at them!

A half-eaten piece of pizza hurtled through the air and landed on Eclipse's shoulder. She screeched and hit it away. It left a greasy saucey smear on the bared skin of her shoulder. Some orange rinds plummetted through the air and smacked Shadow on the face. With a disgusted cry, she shook her head quickly to rid herself of the food remnants.

"STOP IT, YA SLIMEBALLS!" Shadow screamed. "HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF WE THREW ROTTEN FRUIT AT _YOU?_"

"Shut up, whore!" Yuri retorted. "I'm sick of you corrupting my lover's mind! Die already!" She hurled an aluminum soda can at Shadow.

"ECLIPSE, GO! BEFORE WE SUFFER FATAL INJURIES FROM GARBAGE BOMBARDMENT!"

The brown-haired girl obeyed, jumping off her friend and catching the end of the feed-in chute. She hung there for a few frightful minutes while she was thoroughly pelted with empty hairspray cans and wadded up papers and crushed soda cans and old bits of food and wrappers and slimey unknown things that had probably been in the fridge for a few months.

"Okay, Shadow!" Eclipse finally said, crawling into the mouth of the chute. From above they heard, "Turn up the incinerator! Turn up the heat! Fast! Hurry!"

"I'm jumping!" Shadow warned, then let go, directing herself towards the place Eclipse had vanished into the wall. She caught the ledge and accepted her friend's assistance in getting into the tunnel. They sat for a minute afterwards, panting, before they came to the abrupt conclusion that they had just pulled themselves into a garbage feed-in chute. It was only about high enough for them to sit in, and the bottom was coated in slime and little bits of food and crumbs and papers and nasty things that nobody with any concern for their hygeine wanted to be near.

"Ohhh, sick!" Eclipse complained. Keep in mind, they're both still in skanky leather outfits, but Eclipse had half her leg exposed to the vile mess, whereas Shadow's entire lower body was covered. Though, she noted mentally, that did not protect her in the least. For all she knew, this shit ate through leather and flesh like acid.

"Okay," Shadow muttered, massaging her arms, "what now?"

"What! What now? I don't know. I got us here, this is all the farther I'm required to act intelligent!" She then proved her point by hitting herself in the head repeatedly while laughing like a maniac.

"Right," Shadow muttered. "Well then." She got on her hands and knees and peered over the edge, down towards the bottom of the shaft they'd just left. Her face was hit full blast with waves of hellish heat. Pulling back instantly, she shuddered. "Well, then. I guess now... we crawl."

"Crawl?" Eclipse asked. "You mean, like babies?"

"WELL WHAT DO YOU PROPOSE WE _WALK_ THROUGH A THREE-FOOT-HIGH TUNNEL?"

"I proposed no such thing. Calm down, lady..."

"Grrr." She shoved Eclipse aside so she slammed into the wall, then started crawling past her. "Oh, this is disgusting. I'm gonna blow chunks."

"Oh, don't do that. Then I'll have to crawl through it."

"Nooo, you could always crawl on the _ceiling!_"

"How?"

"Oh, shut up and let's just keep going."

"Where to?"

"To whereever the hell this comes out at!"

"I bet it comes out in somebody's garbage can."

Shadow paused and shuddered. "Eww..."

* * *

I'm gonna try to update the last three chapter quicker than once a week... I've been posting this story for like, two months already. Something like that... I just was stalling until I finished it, but now that I'm done, I can post faster. I'll try. 


	10. Shallow and ThreeLips

**(Sunday, December 4, 2005) Some number of reviews... Thank you for all your reviews. It seems I've been getting less and less on this story as it progresses... Real inspiring. Oh well.  
I need money... COME FASTER, CHRISTMAS!

* * *

**

**CHAPTER JUU  
**Shallow and Three-Lips

Shadow stopped and sat down heavily. They'd been crawling for what seemed like ages, and she was getting extremely claustrophobic. Twice, they'd had several bags worth of trash come plummetting down the chute towards them and they'd been covered in anything from candy wrappers to a thong. That had been a particularly traumatic experience that had delayed them at least half an hour until Shadow had stopped screaming and thrashing about and shrieking and having a seizure.

"IT BURNS!" she'd screamed. "IT BURNS WORSE THAN THE HOTTEST FLAMES OF HELL!"

But she'd gotten over it, and was now crawling in the tunnel behind Eclipse. She was getting very tired of seeing nothing but grey metal walls and a black leather-clad ass in front of her face. So, she was going to take a break whether Mrs. Leader Lady liked it or not.

Mrs. Leader Lady liked it. She dropped down next to Shadow and groaned. "My knees and hands hurt... and my eyes are going to have the images of plain boring metal walls burned into them for the rest of eternity."

"That's okay," Shadow said. "My eyes are going to have an image of your ass burned into them for the rest of eternity."

"You know you like it."

"Psh. Like hell. Now, if it were _Sesshoumaru..._"

Little did they know, they were in a garbage chute right behind the wall of the white room, and every guy in there heard them.

"You're very disloyal," Eclipse retorted. "What would Hiei think?"

"Hiei would think Sesshoumaru has a nice ass too."

"What? Are you calling Hiei gay?"

"I'm saying Hiei has an appreciation for beauty."

"Oh, so now you're saying Fluffy has a beautiful ass."

If there was ever a time Sesshoumaru wished he could vanish, it was now. As it was, he just sat there and pretended not to hear them, and pretended everybody wasn't casting him looks to see his reaction.

"No, I'm saying Sesshoumaru is beautiful, and Hiei would admit it with the proper... coersion."

"Coersion. You mean like blowing him."

"Oh, come on. It wouldn't take that much for him to tell the truth about a simple matter such as the godly beauty of another man."

"Has he ever said Youko is beautiful?"

"No."

"Precisely."

"I've never tried to coerse that out of him, though. And I won't. I bet Youko is feeling him up as we speak."

"...I wanna watch..."

Shadow snorted. "Right. Let's get our boyfriends to fuck and let us watch."

In the white room, Yusuke's eyes widened and he couldn't help himself. He walked over to the wall they were behind and pounded on it with his fist. "YOU GUYS ARE SICK!"

The girls' heads snapped towards the voice in an instant. "YUSUKE?"

"YES, YUSUKE! YUSUKE OF THE WHITE ROOM WHERE EVERYONE IS HEARING YOU BATHE SESSHOUMARU'S _ASS_ IN COMPLIMENTS!"

"WE AIN'T BATHIN' HIS ASS WITH ANYTHING!" Eclipse shouted, then thought, "But we'd like to."

"WHATEVER YOU WERE DOING THAT INVOLVED DISCUSSING HIS ASS, WE HEARD EVERY WORD OF IT! HE'S EXTREMELY EMBARRASSED RIGHT ABOUT NOW!"

"No I'm not," the inuyoukai denied.

"I'M SORRY, FLUFFY!" There was a loud thud and several curses. It could be assumed that she'd just tried to fling herself through the wall. It could also be assumed that it hadn't worked.

"WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING IN THERE?" Miroku shouted. "Aside from the ass comments."

"THEY TRIED TO KILL US!" Shadow returned.

"Shadow got a thong on her head when they shot garbage at us," Eclipse called. There were sounds of a scuffle from inside the wall.

"It's like having two giant talking mice in the wall," Sano noted absently. A few people cast him a funny glance. "What?"

"You didn't answer me," Miroku reminded.

"Do you know where we are right now?" Shadow asked angrily.

"In the wall."

"We're in the ducts in the wall that lead to various garbage disposals all over this frikkin' damn building. They threw us down the main chute into the incinerator, but my lightning reflexes and instincts saved both our asses," Shadow replied. "We haven't come across an exit yet. We have been crawling through this labyrinth of metal tunnels behind the walls, through all sorts of nasty garbage, for hours. We're totally lost, I'm feeling sick, and we haven't found an EXIT YET!"

"Well look at it this way," Yuki said. "If you throw up, at least no one will have to clean it up."

"Shut up, bitch!"

"Just sayin'..."

"Hey Shadow!" Yusuke called.

"What?"

"Why can't you use your powers of doom to get out?"

"Because that would be USEFUL!"

"No it wouldn't. It would cause a lot of pain and grief to all the fanatics, and plus, you could get back in here and cause a lot of grief and sorrow by harassing and molesting Sesshoumaru!"

"BUT IT WOULD BE USEFUL!"

"_WELL WHAT EXCUSE DO YOU HAVE FOR ALL THE TIMES YOU ESCAPED DEATH BEFORE? WAS IT NOT USEFUL TO SAVE YOUR SKINS THEN?_"

There was a long pause, then the ones with sensitive ears heard a quiet, "He has a point... How did you do it?" Everyone else just heard the crash and cry of pain that resulted from her comment.

"Are you okay?" Kenshin asked, concerned.

"_I_ am," Shadow replied calmly. "I can't speak for Eclipse... She just got the heel of my boot impacted into her face... But I'm okay, and I feel better."

"Well that's all that matters, isn't it," Saitou muttered sarcastically.

"Yes! It is! Good boy!"

"Well..." Yusuke murmured thoughtfully. "When you find a garbage disposal and get out of those ducts, see what you can do about getting us out of this room and back home."

"Noo," Shadow said sarcastically. "I was just gonna try to get myself back into that room so I could sit here and wait for Koenma to get in gear and save our asses. Knowing him, we'll be here for another two months."

_**

* * *

**_

Hiei woke up early and in a bad mood. Koenma had pissed him off yesterday, and he hadn't gotten much sleep, so he was tired, and he didn't feel like making breakfast or even getting out of bed. After about half an hour of lying there awake with no hope of getting back to sleep, he decided he felt like lying there a little longer and pretending he might fall back asleep even though he knew he wouldn't.

There was a gentle knock on the door not long afterwards. "Hiei?"

It was Kurama. Not Youko, but the red-haired human. That was good. Hiei didn't feel like putting up with the fox's flirting. After a while, it started to get to you in more ways than one.

"Are you awake, Hiei?" His voice was soft. The door opened, but he didn't come any closer. After a minute, Hiei spoke up.

"Are you just gonna stare all day?" Kurama jumped. Hiei knew it.

"Oh, you _are_ awake."

The fire demon rolled over and sat up. "Yeah. Have been for a while. What do you want?"

"You want some breakfast?"

It was barely light outside. "I want to sleep."

A soft smile shown on the redhead's face. "Koenma wants us in Reikai early. We have time for breakfast and showers, I'm sure. But we should be there early. I want Eclipse back."

Hiei sighed. "I know." He wanted Shadow back pretty badly as well.

"Take a shower. I'll make breakfast."

A short time later, Hiei ambled into the dining room wearing nothing but a pair of pants. Kurama was just walking in with two plates full of eggs and bacon and toast. He set one in front of Hiei and set the other in front of himself as he sat down. They started eating silently, but after a minute, Kurama stopped.

"Hiei, I'm sorry about what Youko did yesterday."

The fire demon glanced at him, chewing slowly on a piece of bacon. "Hn," he managed, then swallowed. "Don't bother."

With that settled, they finished breakfast in relative silence. Afterwards, Hiei cleaned up while Kurama took a shower. All set for another day slaving over paperwork in the name of love, they opened the door and it crashed into something on the porch with a dull thud and didn't move any more. Hiei looked perplexed and pulled the door closed and swung it open again with more force. Again, it stopped with a thud.

"What the..." He pushed and it slid slowly open farther. He managed to push himself through the space, ready to maul whatever was in the way if that proved necessary.

It didn't.

"Hiei, man, I haven't seen you in like, a long time!"

The fire demon started blankly. Kurama, curious, slid through the space as well, and peered around the door.

"Random Surfer Dude?"

"Dude! It's like a great big, like, reunion!"

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Hiei asked, no anger in his voice, just confusion. "And why the fuck are you sitting outside the door so I couldn't open it? And why the fuck didn't you get up when I hit you with the door? Are you stupid?"

"Dude, I'm like, so sorry I didn't, like, tell you I was gonna drop by, but like, being random and all, it's like, totally kind of against the rules, dude."

Hiei blinked. "You have a point. Now why were you sitting outside the door like that? And why are you still sitting there?"

"Well, dude, you needed some help, so, like, I showed up... But, well, like, I had to carry your time machine, like, all the way here on my back, so, like, I'm kind of beat, dude."

"Time machine!" the two demons cried in unison. "Where?"

RSD pointed out towards the yard. They turned their heads in unison. There, in the middle of the yard, sat a sleek silver object, fairly tall and wide, but still sleek. It looked like a missile or a rocket.

"You carried that on your back?" Kurama asked. "What are you, Superman?"

"No, dude. It was pretty rough."

"Well, do you want something to drink or something? Are you okay?"

"Some water would be, like, pretty radical right now, dude."

"Okay, well... Um, if you could move a little bit..."

"You'll have to move me, dude. I'm beat."

"Um..." Kurama looked perplexed, then shrugged. "Hiei, get the door." He knelt next to RSD and draped one of his arms around his shoulders, gripping his wrist tightly as he stood with the surfer supported next to him. Hiei held the door open.

"Dude, I don't need, like, a doctor or anything..."

"No, but I'm not very well going to leave you lying on the porch with a bottle of water while we're gone. That's just cruel."

"But dude, it's not even, like, your house..."

"Hiei doesn't mind. Does he?" Kurama was already helping RSD into the house.

"Of course not," Hiei said obediently. "So long as you don't blow it up or burn it down or break things..."

After situating their random helper on the couch and leaving him with a bottle of water, the demons said their hasty goodbyes, and without a word to anyone in Reikai about their destination, got into the time machine.

Some time later, Hiei managed to figure out the programming and set the date. Having thoroughly hacked every file in Reikai computer system to find the exact date, he knew exactly when and where they were going.

"Well," he said, "here goes."

"Buckle up."

"Fuck you." He hit the green button. The rocket shot up into the air like a bullet and Hiei went flying out of his seat. Kurama had time to look towards him with an expression of distress on his face before they totally vanished, POOF. Two seconds later, they reappeared, POOF. A computerized voice announced that they had arrived at their intended destination. The rocket slowly lowered down into a forest. Once it landed and the voice informed them that it was safe to unfasten their safety belts, Kurama did at once, and ran back to where Hiei was lying.

"Hiei? Are you okay?"

He nodded, but didn't bother opening his eyes. "My head hurts."

Kurama chuckled. "You gonna live?"

"Yeah." He sat up, rubbing the back of his head.

"Bleeding?"

"Nah."

"C'mon, then. Get up. We're here. We're finally going to get them back."

_**

* * *

**_

After another twenty minutes of crawling, the girls finally found themselves standing at the bottom of a short vertical shaft that led upwards to what looked like a door of some sort.

"I think we've just found our ticket out," Eclipse said.

"Good... If we hadn't, I would have blown chunks." Shadow flipped onto her hands and launched herself at the top of the tunnel. It broke to bits under (rather, above) her feet, and she went hurtling upwards into a room. Eclipse jumped up and caught the edge of the garbage disposal chute and pulled herself out--a much less dramatic entrance than Shadow, and thus avoiding notice.

It was the main control room. It had to be. Buttons were everywhere and a half. There were only a few people there, none of them being ones Shadow recognized, but they sure as hell recognized her. She landed on her feet in the middle of the room and a few people screamed.

"YOU!" one girl, apparently the acting commander while Yuri was off doing who-knows-what, snapped. "I thought we killed you!" Three small, flat screens were displaying an image of the white room. Clearly she'd just been talking to them, because the majority of them were looking at the screen.

"You tried!" Shadow said. "Unsuccessfully!" Her voice held that superior, showy tone to it. "An unfortunate event occured and Eclipse is currently dead, but life goes on."

"What?"

"I will destroy you now," the hanyou said. She ran at the girl. The girl screamed. Two tall, muscular bodyguards lunged in the way and flung Shadow back. She plowed into the floor several meters away.

"Kill her!" the acting commander screeched. She and all the other females in the room ran for it, forgetting to turn off the screens. The bishounen had a front row seat without any danger of being injured.

"Hey Shadow! While you're in there, try to get us out!" Yusuke called.

"Will do! My hands are a little full at this particular point in time, but 'sall good!" She dodged a punch and jumped away to avoid a kick. "ECLIPSE!"

The other girl came flying out of nowhere and attacked one of the guys, evening out the numbers so Shadow could then thoroughly whip some ass without distraction. In a total of five minutes, both guys were out cold and tied up in a corner of the room. Shadow walked over to the screens and grinned, wiping a bit of blood away from her mouth.

"Now, Shadow will see what she can do with all these buttons," she muttered to herself. Rubbing her chin thoughtfully, she looked at them all, then held one finger over them, moving it as she thought, then finally pushing a button. The screens went black.

"I don't think that was a good choice," Eclipse pointed out calmly. Shadow pushed the button again and they came back.

"Sorry 'bout that..."

"We have a moron attempting to rescue us," Saitou muttered. "We're doomed."

"I just had a thought," Shadow said. "Why don't you shut the fuck up, Hajime?"

He glared and she smiled sweetly, then went back to her button examination. Her brows knitted and her lips moved as she counted silently. After a second, she muttered, "Ah, fuck. Karasu, pick a number from one to thirty."

"What!" Koga cried. "Are you going to pick a button at random based on that stupid bastard's choice?"

"Shut up, wolf!" Shadow snapped, pointing a finger threateningly at the screen. "I like Karasu! I know he may be a bit of a pervert, but I like him! Now, Bitch, pick a number!"

Karasu winced. It had been a while since Shadow had ordered him around as if he were a slave.

"Pick!"

"Eighteen." Why? Kurama's age, of course. He did still feel something for the fox.

"Eighteen," Shadow repeated. Her eyes scanned over the thirty buttons she'd chosen to pay attention to out of the hundreds that were there. Half were probably for show, she mused. "Eighteen..." Her finger hovered over it. It was red. They always pushed a red button on TV and something bad happened. Not a good sign. But she pushed it anyways.

Big red letters flashed on the screen: PLEASE DO NOT PUSH THIS BUTTON AGAIN.

She didn't.

"Another number, if you feel so inclined, someone! Quickly, if you don't mind!"

"Twenty-three," Inuyasha said. Why? He had no idea.

Shadow hit the button she had designated as 23. The big red letters went away, and unfortunately so did the entire image. She pushed it again and the images were back. "Dammit! Twenty-three is the button I hit earlier! Yusuke, another number!"

"Four."

Four. She and Eclipse appeared in the white room. With crimson eyes narrowed, she looked up at Yusuke.

"Wrong choice, Yusuke."

"Great. Just fucking great," Yuki grouched. "And to top it all off, you guys smell like shit."

"I'll fix that!" Eclipse chirped.

And suddenly, it was like somebody had poured one of the dolphin tanks at Sea World into the room, minus the dolphins. Water filled the room in an instant. Anyone who didn't know how to swim was in some seriously deep shit.

"I think I overdid it," she sputtered, then started to sink. Yusuke went after her, since no one else seemed to care enough.

"In-fucking-credible," Hiro spat. Yusuke broke the surface holding Eclipse, shaking his head. His hair was hanging in his eyes, having gone days without any re-gelling. Eclipse looked a little out of it.

"Hey, but at least she used her power," Shadow said. "Now... to fix it."

"And how do you propose we do that?"

"We don't, right now. First, we're gonna take advantage of this, and clean off a bit." She vanished underwater.

"I don't know about you, but I don't want to clean off in the same water two girls who have been crawling through garbage chutes are in," Sanosuke said.

"You have a point," Kiba agreed. Karasu submerged and swam around a bit until he caught up with Shadow, then got her attention and pointed up towards the surface. She looked at him funny, but shrugged and headed upwards. He followed.

"What?" she snapped.

"Nobody else wants to clean off in water you're fouling up," he stated, "and if you hadn't forgotten, some of them haven't eaten--"

"Since when are you the humanitarian?"

"I... I'm not."

"Aww, Karasu. You're concerned for all the hot guys' well-being." She drifted forwards and kissed his lips. "That's so cute. Very well. I will exhaust the hell out of myself in order to put right what Eclipse set wrong."

The water temperature began to increase.

"What the hell are you doing?" several people cried.

"Water has to reach a boiling point before it can turn into steam," Shadow said. "I'll make it quick, but you'll all likely suffer some burns..."

"WHAT?"

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding... If I can be very careful... It'll take longer... But I'll only boil the water around myself... Everyone move away from me... 'Sall good, we'll get this all fixed up in a jiffy..."

Everyone swam away. They watched Shadow vanish in a pillar of steam as she heated the water around herself. She hadn't been joking when she said it would take longer. But when the water level was finally lowered to about knee-deep, the room was so full of steam it was almost hard to breathe. You can't have everything.

"It'll dissipate," she said, then fell face-first into the water. Kenshin moved forward to save her.

"It won't dissipate!" Miroku scoffed. "The room is air-tight. It's a wonder we've had fresh oxygen this long."

"The guy has a point," Karasu muttered.

"But at least we aren't swimming any more," Kenshin reminded. Always the Peacekeeper.

"Nope, just suffocating," Koga said sardonically.

"I preferred the swimming," Inuyasha said. "This just sucks."

"Indeed," Aoshi agreed verbosely.

"Stop complaining," Sesshoumaru snapped. All eyes turned towards him. "I tire of your petty whining."

"I tire of hearing you tell me to shut up," Inuyasha snapped. "Stupid bastard. I've been around you here long enough to last the rest of my lifetime. When we get out of here, if I never see you again in my life, I won't feel like I'm missing anything."

"Oh? And supposing we hadn't spent so long in here together, and I never saw you again. If I suddenly vanished from your life, would you feel like you were missing something, Inuyasha?"

"Of course not, you jackass! I'd be the happiest person you've ever seen!"

Sesshoumaru's eyes wandered to Shadow, "The happiest? After seeing these two girls, you can say that?"

"Oh, shut up, maybe not THE happiest--"

"I thought not."

"Shut up, Sesshoumaru, goddammit! I want to go home!"

"Don't we all," Tsume muttered.

Everyone looked a bit harried. Yusuke pushed Eclipse against Sesshoumaru's chest and walked over to Shadow, not really caring whether the demon lord held the girl or let her fall and drown. Shadow was also totally unconscious by now, so the teen just picked her up and carried her over to Karasu.

"Here. She likes you, you can hold her. I'll keep Eclipse's head above water. Don't let Shadow drown."

Karasu nodded, his eyes never meeting Yusuke's as he took Shadow from the boy. Instead, his gaze was locked on Sesshoumaru. Appreciating the way the white silk shirt became nearly transparent when it was wet, the way it clung to the lord's pale skin, allowing everyone a delectible view of his gorgeously perfect chest.

This didn't go unnoticed by the inuyoukai, but he said nothing. He was sick of dealing with the crow and all these stupid strangers and human girls. The general mood of the room seemed to match his: Exhausted and fed-up.

_**

* * *

**_

Hiei and Kurama were grateful that people didn't dress too terribly differently ten years in the future. They had to walk amidst these people, and it was really best not to attract attention. What do you tell someone if they ask what you're doing? 'Oh, we're from ten years ago, just come for a bit of sight-seeing and to rescue our girlfriends and sixteen guys from depraved teenage girls...' It wouldn't quite work.

"Any clue where they are?" Kurama asked quietly. Hiei shook his head.

"It's hard to find them without taking the ward off..."

"Three eyes still isn't in fashion here," the fox noted.

"What?"

"Nothing. Just do your best. I can't catch a scent of anything familiar at all... None of them."

Hiei sighed. His eyes roved over the city. "Tokyo is as crowded as ever."

"Yeah."

"Let's try the other side of the street."

"Will it work?"

"Probably not."

Kurama shrugged and glanced both ways, then stepped out into the street. Hiei's eyes swept from side to side as they walked. He didn't expect Shadow and Eclipse to come jumping out around the corner, but it didn't hurt to look.

Night fell, and they had no leads. Typical. They sat down to rest outside an extremely tall building. It was new, having been built sometime in the past ten years, because they didn't remember it being there.

"Well," Hiei sighed, "we've covered most of the city."

"Yep. No leads."

"So what now?"

"I guess... we keep looking," the fox said with a shrug. "They're bound to be somewhere..."

"Indeed."

There was a scream from behind them. It was echoed by several dozen others. The demons recognized it. It was the 'fanatic' scream. They turned just in time to be piled on by about ten psychotic girls. The two boys let out screams of their own as they were assaulted.

"HIEI, KURAMA! YOU CAME TO US!"

The next thing they knew, they were handcuffed and being pushed towards the big white building they'd been resting outside.

"Goddamn authoress and your coincidences!" Kurama snapped. "Who the hell are these people?"

Yes, well...

They were dragged inside and into a small elevator. Hiei and Kurama were pushed to the back so that the girls could act as a security escort and make sure they didn't kick in the walls or something. Hiei pressed his back partially against the wall and partially against Kurama in order to be away from the girls and have as much space as he could.

"It's so wonderful that we've finally managed to get you! When we brought the others here, we made a small miscalculation and got those two wretched girls instead of you. Then our time machine had a problem with its quanticular supper matrix or something, and--"

"Wait, what two girls?" Kurama asked as the elevator started upwards.

"Oh, I don't know their names. Polly and Reclips or something."

"Polly?" Hiei choked.

"Reclips?"

"Maybe it was Hannah, or Speedo, I don't know! But the point is--"

"SPEEDO?"

"The point is, we have you now, and you're safe! How did you get here, by the way? Did you sense our love for you? Did it draw you to us like a lamp to a moth?"

Hiei gagged.

"Who are you girls, please?" Kurama asked. Gentleman to the end.

"We're the security officers for the official Bishounen Rescue Mission, 2015!"

"Rescue?" Hiei said bleakly. "You have me handcuffed in an elevator."

"We'll let you out of the handcuffs as soon as we get you to your wife!"

"Wife!" All his claustrophobia was forgotten momentarily. "I'm not married, stupid girl."

"Um... Yes, neither of us is married," Kurama told her. The elevator stopped, and Hiei closed his eyes as the funny drifting feeling went away. When the doors opened, the girls formed a circle around him and Kurama and escorted them through the halls.

_"Can I kick their asses?"_ Hiei asked. The fox gave him a sharp look.

_"No, Hiei. Let's just see what happens. We were lucky. They showed themselves. We just have to get control of the situation."_

_"I can. Let me kick their asses. Please?"_

_"Not now, Hiei."_

He held back a sigh. _"If they've hurt Shadow..."_ The sentence trailed off as a threat.

After a bit, the girls announced they'd reached their destination. "We're here!" She did a happy little squeal. "This is so exciting! I might even get a promotion when Yuri sees what I did!"

They were outside a door. It was very plain and boring, and did not have a handle. There was a panel of buttons on one side, which the girl typed something on quickly and the handle-less door slid to the left.

Inside was a large room. Buttons were everywhere. A few girls milled around inside. One glanced up when the door opened, and the pink-clad 'security' girl ran inside screaming. She hugged the girl who'd looked at her, jumping up and down.

"Yuri, Yuri! Look who I got! Look who!"

Yuri looked towards the door curiously. Her eyes widened. "You got Hiei and Kurama! How did you get them?"

"Yuri...?" Hiei muttered quietly, skeptically.

"They were drawn here by our love! They could sense it as they sat alone by themselves at home, and--"

"Not to burst your bubble, but the only reason we're here is to get our girlfriends," Hiei stated calmly.

"Oh, nonsense," the security girl giggled. "This is the center for bishounen worship. Everybody here loves or appreciates every attractive man on anime. Love is a powerful feeling, even over time..."

There was a pause, then Hiei spoke up.

"You've been reading too many crappy romance novels," he stated frankly.

Flustered silence came from the girls, then another one spoke up. "We should take them to Ami and Sakura."

"Yes," Yuri said, attempting to recover, "Yes, yes, good idea. Shannon, go, take them to their wives."

_"Can I kick their asses NOW?"_ Hiei snapped impatiently in his mind.

_"Now sounds good."_

Hiei jerked his wrists away from each other sharply and smirked as the metal of his handcuffs broke.

"Don't hurt them too badly," Kurama warned as an afterthought as Hiei leapt away from them all.

"Don't worry, fox. I only kill what tries to kill me first."

_That's a new rule,_ the fox thought absently. _There's probably a catch._

Kurama, being very secretive, managed to pick the locks on his handcuffs, and darted away from the girls as well. They weren't entirely stupid, he noted with approval. With the imminent threat of murder, they thought to form a circle facing outwards for defense. The ones who weren't with security were in the middle.

There was a difference between knowing what to do and doing it, though. These girls may have taken karate or some martial art for a few years, but not only COULD they not hurt himself and Hiei, they WOULD not hurt them. Not intentionally. And that was their weakness.

Hiei appeared out of nowhere and knocked all the girls over easily, then drew his sword--_Where'd that come from!_ dozens of confused girls wondered. Kurama had to wonder himself. He hadn't noticed his friend was carrying his sword. _Must've been a plot hole._

"Where are they?" the fire demon asked coldly.

_What irony that such a hot guy can have such a cold voice,_ a random girl thought. Hiei's eyes darted to her.

"I heard that." Oddly enough, it wasn't the first time he'd heard such a thing in reference to himself. And he had to admit, somewhere deep in his mind where he was allowed to agree with annoying girls, it _was_ quite ironic. A fire demon who was as cold as ice. Must be the heritage.

"Where are Shadow and Eclipse?" Kurama asked calmly.

"THAT'S what their names were!" the airheaded security girl cried triumphantly. "I didn't think somebody would name their kids Shallow and Three-Lips..."

Hiei twitched. "Where?"

"And the others. The bishounen. Where are they?" Kurama asked.

"They're all safe," Yuri stated. "Do you want to see them?"

"No," Hiei said. "We want to take them back. Fox, if you wouldn't mind restraining them..."

"No objections here." The fox drew a seed from his hair, and Hiei wandered over to the panel of buttons. There were too many to count.

"Shit," he said simply. Kurama was at his side.

"Shit," he echoed, a bit more awe in his voice. "How are we ever going to figure out what they do?"

"I could help," Yuri said.

"Can it, ningen!" Hiei snapped sharply. He shrugged. "My best tactic?" He pressed a button. Nothing happened. Sliding a lever from up to down, he realized that still, nothing was happening. Nothing he could notice, at least.

However, in the white room, where the lights had just been put out for the night, they suddenly rose up again. Shadow and Eclipse were still asleep. Luckily, having realized the problem, the knee-deep water had been removed by the fanatics.

"Try another button," Kurama said. Hiei did. Three little screens flicked on.

"Luck of the draw," he said. They looked at the first screen. It displayed several disgruntled-looking handsome men, as did the second screen.

"Ew, Karasu," Kurama muttered.

"No accounting for taste." Hiei's eyes fell on the third and final screen.

The good news was, he'd found his girlfriend. The bad news was, she was sleeping in Sesshoumaru's lap with her head resting on his shoulder. Why? Who knows, but Eclipse was lying with her head pillowed on his leather-clad thigh, one hand resting on his knee.

"No... fucking... way..." Hiei muttered.

On the screen, Yusuke was on his feet, looking up at them. "Hiei! Kurama!" The voice came from a little speaker on one side of the screen.

"Yusuke... It's been a while."

"What the hell are they doing?" Hiei snapped, pointing at the two girls.

"Err... sleeping. Y'see, the thing about that is--"

"The thing about it is, you're going to wake them up and they're going to tell me what the thing about it is."

"They've been hanging all over him the entire time we've been here," Inuyasha volunteered helpfully. Maybe if he pissed off Hiei enough, the irritable little guy would take it out on Sesshoumaru. He didn't know much about the fire demon's relationship with Shadow, did he?

"Inuyasha!" Yusuke yelped. Hiei merely raised one eyebrow and turned his eyes towards Sesshoumaru.

"Have they really." He diverted his attention to the panels of buttons. "I think we can deal with this." With a sudden burst of widely comprehensive knowledge of this technology, he managed to hit the correct combination of buttons, targetted his victims, and... ZAP!

Sesshoumaru, along with the two girls, appeared in the middle of the room in exactly the same position they'd been in inside the white cell. The demon lord glanced around, then decided that since Hiei was looking at him, he would look back.

Eclipse made a little noise in her sleep and nuzzled closer to her 'pillow.' Kurama grimaced. Her hands went around the demon's leg and hugged it somewhat.

"They don't even love you, look at that!" one of the fanatics cried, struggling against the vines that Kurama had tied them all together with. "They just keep sleeping like rocks even though you're here now!"

"As is to be expected," Hiei said calmly. He walked towards the trio and squatted down in front of the demon. If Hiei was happy to see Shadow, he was hiding it pretty well. Nobody had seen the relieved looks on both the boys' faces when they'd first set eyes on the two girls. Now, they'd gathered themselves together and were keeping it cool.

The fire demon put one hand on Shadow's leg to brace himself as he leaned forward.

"Shadow," he whispered, so close to her ear that his lips brushed her skin. She twitched and moved a hand to brush him away, like a fly. Undaunted, he gently wrapped one hand around both of her wrists as a safety precaution and ran his tongue up the entire side of her face. This woke her up, and she screamed and made to punch him before she realized who it was. Hiei was wise to have pinned her wrists already, and she couldn't attack. Sesshoumaru grabbed the struggling girl's head and turned it to face Hiei. She froze instantly, face taking on a look of disbelief.

"H-Hiei...?"

"Yeah," he said, smiling. Her eyes lit up.

"Hiei!" He released her wrists and she flung her arms around him, plowing him backwards onto the floor. "You came to rescue me! I love you so much! I missed you so much! I love you!"

"I love you too," he said, too happy to worry that there were about ten other people watching. Shadow had buried her face against his neck, but pulled away now, and his eyes widened. "Shadow, you look like you're gonna cry!"

Her eyes glistened wetly. "Aren't I entitled to it!"

"W-well, yeah, I just didn't think you'd be _that_ happy to see me... Have you been treated badly or something?"

She leaned down and kissed him.

Kurama, who had been distracted by them up to this point, finally decided to rid Sesshoumaru of his other little parasite, and thus reclaim his own girlfriend. He bent over Eclipse, and the inuyoukai turned away from the make-out session beside him to watch the fox's antics. Kurama's first attempt at getting Eclipse to let go was an utter and complete failure: Force. All she did was tighten her grip on Sesshoumaru until he growled.

"Get her off, fox."

"Right, sorry." He bent closer and Eclipse and whispered, "Eclipse... Wake up and get off Sesshoumaru right now and I'll fix you a really nice dinner."

She sat bolt upright. "_Who's_ fixing me dinner?" Her eyes turned towards the smiling redhead and she screamed. "KURAMA!" She jumped on him and he managed to keep from ending up on his back on the floor like Hiei had. The second the two girls were apart from him, Sesshoumaru stood up. Hiei and Shadow, finally finished saying hello, followed suit. Shadow refused to let go of Hiei, and was holding his hand tightly.

"So..." Hiei said, "what exactly happened here?"

"We were terribly mistreated," Shadow said. Hiei shot a death glare at Yuri and the fanatics tied together across the room. They cringed away.

"Okay... And, Sesshoumaru... Why are you dressed like that, if I may be so bold?"

"Because they think it's _sexy_ and seem to delight in torturing me," the lord answered coldly.

"...Well, I'm sorry to hear that."

"It _is_ sexy," Shadow pointed out.

"And now for the million dollar question," Kurama said, still on the floor with Eclipse clinging to him like her life depended on it, "why the hell were you two girls sleeping on Sesshoumaru?"

Both girls went rigid for a minute, having forgotten that particular detail in their joy of being reunited with their boyfriends.

"Well... We _were_ unconscious," Shadow said, "but I woke up in Karasu's arms..."

"You _what!_"

"It's a long story," Sesshoumaru told him. "Have your friend Yusuke explain it."

"I will," Hiei promised.

"Speaking of Yusuke," Kurama muttered. He moved to get up, and found he had gained an additional hundred pounds. "Eclipse..."

"Are you mad?"

"I'm too happy to see you to be mad at you."

"That's good. Are you still fixing me dinner?"

"We'll worry about that once we're home."

"Yeah. How'd you get here, anyways?"

"Random Surfer Dude, of all people," Hiei informed them, "showed up on the porch with a time machine."

Shadow looked at him incredulously. "Are you serious!"

"Yeah. He carried it on his back all the way from wherever the hell he comes from. He's currently about ten years in the past laying on the couch in the living room. Kokuei's taking care of him."

"That's kinda really funny."

"Yes."

Kurama managed to get to his feet with Eclipse still hanging onto him and stagger over to the control panel. The three screens were displaying the faces of over a dozen anxious men.

"Can you get us out of here, Kurama?" Yusuke asked.

"I'm sure I can figure it out," the fox muttered.

"That's assuring," Yuki grouched.

"Oh, shut it for once, Yuki!" Yusuke snapped angrily. "Kurama knows what he's doing."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Yusuke."

Yuki, on the other hand, was giving Yusuke an 'I can't believe you just blew up on me like that, you little snot!' look.

"That's Mr. Sexy," Eclipse told her boyfriend. "He's a little pissy sometimes. But the awesome thing is, he has a boyfriend named Shuichi! How awesome is that!"

"Shuichi of Bad Luck, to be more precise," Shadow added.

"That's nice," the redhead muttered, looking at all the buttons thoughtfully.

"Isn't Bad Luck that annoying band you listen to?" Hiei asked. "The one with the pink-haired singer?"

"Yeah! The one who looks like a girl but sounds like a guy."

"I'll have you know you're talking about my best friend," Hiro pointed out.

"We know, Mr. Lead Guitarist. But you gotta admit it's true."

Kurama made a triumphant noise. "I think I got it." He shook his right arm furiously until Eclipse let go, then started typing on the buttons. One by one, each bishounen appeared in the room with them.

"See? I told you he was smart," Yusuke snapped. He threw his arm around Kurama's shoulders. "I didn't doubt you for a minute, fox!"

"Thanks."

"You either, Hiei, even though you didn't do anything useful."

"Nice to see you, too."

"Aw, c'mon, you know I missed you guys." He glanced around. "Didn't Kuwabara come along? He didn't want a piece of the rescue?"

"We didn't ask. We just kind of left. There was a big silver time machine in the front yard, somebody was bound to notice..." Kurama pointed out.

"I see where you're coming from. So now what?"

"So now... We get everyone home, and turn tail ourselves." He turned towards the bound fanatics. "Where's your time machine?"

* * *

Maaaaan, I went "christmas shopping" with Eclipse yesterday... She bought my Gravitation DVD with me standing there watching, and I DON'T GET TO WATCH IT UNTIL CHRISTMAS! I wanna cry...

Well, I must go eat dinner... Hope you enjoyed the chapter... Have fun with all your pre-holiday activities... REVIEW THE DAMN STORY! Please. I love you?  
...Didn't figure it'd work. Review anyways please.


	11. Simple Pleasures

**(Wednesday, Dec 7, 2005) Yay for over 200 reviews. As a reward, you get a chapter. I like this chapter, personally...**

**I have to go to my school's Christmas concert tonight cuz I'm gonna video tape my friend... I hope he messes up. Cruel, but that's half the reason I'm going. The other half of the reason is because I feel like going, so yippee.

* * *

**

**CHAPTER JUUICHI  
**Simple Pleasures

"I told you, it's broken!"

"Yes. You have told us. Only about a million times more than necessary," Yusuke groaned.

"Well, it's in this room, but it doesn't work, like I said."

"We're feeling redundant today, aren't we?" Shadow taunted. "I bet it does work, and you just don't want us to send the guys home." She was holding Hiei's hand, and, come to think of it, had been ever since she'd stopped kissing him earlier.

"I don't want them to get hurt in a faulty machine!" Yuri insisted.

"We can handle it, we're big boys," Koga said.

"Open the damn door," Roy snapped. "Let's just get home already, dammit."

She opened it, and they walked into a room that was large, square, and sterile. The only other thing in the room was a large spherical object with a rounded doorway into one side with a ramp leading up to it.

"This is your time machine?" Shadow asked, sounding unimpressed.

"Yes, it is. Got a problem?"

"No problem."

Kurama led Yuri up to the control panel on one side. "How does it work?"

She explained the buttons to him, then insisted again, "But I told you, it's broken."

"Yes. You told me," the fox replied curtly.

They'd only brought Yuri along, and only because she knew the way around and knew how to work the machine. All the other girls were still tied up in the control room, probably bawling their eyes out because their bishounen were leaving.

"Well..." Kurama hit the button to activate it. "Who wants to go first?"

"Me!" several people cried in unison. An immense fistfight burst out. The bishounen were on their last nerves. It took Shadow screaming to break them up. At the ear-piercing sound, everybody suddenly cared more to protect their ears than murder their companions.

"How does this sound: We go from farthest in the future to farthest in the past. Sound good?"

"That means we go home first, correct?" Kiba asked.

"I suppose it would, yes."

"Then I'm all for it."

"I told you, it doesn't work! It'll explode! Please don't put yourselves in danger!" Yuri whined. Kurama gagged her mouth.

Kiba and Tsume went into the time machine. Shadow waved and said good-byes and blew them kisses. A door closed over the arch they'd entered through, a bright light flashed, and they were gone. Shadow sniffled.

"I'll never see them again... Never stare at Tsume's long, sexy, leather-clad legs..."

Hiei cleared his throat. She shut her mouth and looked at him. "Oh, Hiei, I love you! I would so much rather gaze at you in leather pants than Tsume. But you gotta admit, he has nice legs, being a wolf and everything."

The fire demon just shook his head.

"Who's next?" Kurama asked. He glanced through them. Everybody looked like they were from the past, with few exceptions.

"We are," Hiro said. Shadow pointed her finger right in his face as he took a step.

"Never! You're from the same place and time as myself and Yusuke and Karasu and Eclipse and Hiei and Kurama. You will return with us. As will you, Yuki-san."

"Joy."

"Okay, then... Next...?"

Ed and Roy were next. Shadow patted Edward on the top of his head like a dog, making him growl (also rather like a dog). She hugged Roy, who gave her a sort-of one-armed hug back, considering how she was still clinging to Hiei and making him too close for comfort. Especially since the little guy was carrying a sword and looked like he knew how to use it.

"We'll see you guys some other time!" Shadow said cheerfully. Ed was all too happy to get into the 'faulty' time machine with the colonel, and shortly they were gone. A faked tear rolled down Shadow's cheek.

"What's _your_ problem!" Inuyasha asked, noticing.

"I... I felt so close to all of you over this time... and now... you're all leaving me!"

"Thank the lord."

"Isn't Hiei good enough for you?" Sesshoumaru pointed out. Shadow stopped fake-crying and looked at her boyfriend.

"Oh yeah! I have Hiei! What do I need with you losers?" She flung her arms around the fire demon and hugged him tightly.

"I'm glad you think so highly of us," Saitou muttered.

"We're next," Aoshi reminded. "Get us the hell out of here."

Shadow let go of Hiei's hand to cross her arms over her chest. "Aoshi Shinomori, I want to know just one thing before you leave."

"What?"

"Why the hell are you so goddamn tall?"

"Because this is how tall I grew. Can we leave now?" He looked to Kurama for an answer. The fox gestured towards the entrance.

"Feel free. Good luck."

Aoshi went in, then Saitou, then Sanosuke. Sano put a safe space between himself and the two guys who had kicked his ass at least once in the past. Kenshin waved good-bye, smiling.

"Take good care of yourselves, everyone."

"You too," Shadow said politely, the added under her breath, "Pansy."

As Kurama hit the button to send them back, Eclipse looked to Yuri. "I thought it was _bro-ken,_ hmmm? Why's it working, then?"

As the Meiji era guys vanished from sight, the machine sputtered.

"Oops," Eclipse muttered.

"Spoke too soon," Yuri said, smirking.

Smoke started rising from somewhere near the bottom of the machine.

"No..." Inuyasha muttered. "No... no... This is NOT happening."

"I, uh... I think it's gonna blow up," Kurama said, backing away. Yuri ran for the door and opened it, and the remaining members of the group hurried out. There was a loud explosion from inside. Everyone gazed at the door until it was silent behind it, then, slowly, they all turned to look at each other.

"What now?" Yuki asked.

"Now...?" Shadow said. "Now, we panic." Instant mood swing. "OH, MY, GOD! HIEI, IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD! IT--IT'S SO TERRIBLE! AHHH! OHHH! EEEE! AHHH! GODS, HELP US IN OUR QUEST! WE HAVE TO SPEND EVEN MORE TIME WITH SESSHOUMARU, AND HIS ALMOST PAINFULLY SEXY PANTS, AND--"

Sesshoumaru sighed as she continued her fake 'woe is me' speech, going on about how horrible it would be to spend another minute around him and his godly beauty.

"Well," he said, getting a Look from Hiei and an entirely different Look from Inuyasha, as well as a _Look_ from Karasu, which he ignored, "if I ever need an ego boost, I know where to go."

Hiei snorted.

"Anyways," Kurama snapped, clamping his hand over Shadow's mouth, "to focus on the matter at hand..."

There was a long pause.

"We could always leave them here," Yuki suggested. Inuyasha and Koga exploded on him, and Shadow and Eclipse flung themselves in front of the irritated novelist to protect him from the two canines.

"Okay, knock it off," Kurama snapped. Nobody listened. Shadow and Eclipse started beating the crap out of Inuyasha and Koga. The fox raised his voice. "ECLIPSE, KNOCK IT OFF." Her disobedience this time might have had something to do with the hanyou inuyoukai sitting on her and tugging her arm up behind her back. But, the fact that he was ten years in the future, had just been reunited with his girlfriend, couldn't go straight home and spend time with her, and had been handcuffed by fanatics earlier and yelled at by a moody author who he now was apparently going to have to take home, all these things piled up on him, and he was very angry.

"God_dammit!_" he cried. Something similar to an explosion occured around him, vines flying everywhere and grabbing at the fighting pairs, and anything else in the way. Hiei flung his arms out and pushed Yuki and Hiro against the wall, as far away from the questing plants as he could. When the smoke cleared, Youko was standing there looking po'ed. Hiro and Yuki looked a bit pale, their eyes twice as large as they should have been. Yusuke and Karasu had plastered themselves against the opposide wall, both also looking startled.

"Wa-ow..." Hiei muttered, eyes following the vines away from the fox, along the now-busted up hallway to land on the six others tied up and looking a bit pained. "Stress."

"You're HURTING ME, Youko Kurama!" Shadow growled.

"I wish you all would just shut up and listen to me," the fox snapped. The vines dropped their prisoners, but only withdrew enough to give them room to get up. "Would you just shut up and get along for two seconds?" He pointed one clawed finger at Yuki. "You most of all, Mister Pissy."

"That's Mister Sexy to you, Youko!" Eclipse snapped. A vine lashed forward and grabbed her, dragging her towards the fox. He smirked. "What in the seven hells are you doing!"

"Eclipse... I need a favor when we get home."

"A-a wha...? A favor!"

"Yes."

"What kind?"

"You'll find out when we get home."

"Is it bad?"

"You'll like it."

"It must be bad," Shadow whispered to no one in particular. Youko grinned lewdly.

"You may be right, Shadow."

"Aaagh... Forget I mentioned it..." she choked.

"Back to the matter at hand," Hiei snapped. "We're all grouchy and tired and we want to go home. Why don't we just use the time machine to go back to their time and dump them off, then go home?"

Youko shook his head. "Silly Hiei." He dropped Eclipse onto her ass on the floor. "Don't you think a big silver torpedo would be noticeable dropping from the sky in fuedal Japan?"

Hiei paused. "You have a point."

"Of course I do. And also, I don't know if we have enough fuel."

"Fuel? What fuel? What do we need fuel for? We disappeared, then appeared. It's not like we went anywhere."

Youko shrugged. "There was a fuel gauge on one of the panels. Didn't you notice? Oh wait, you were too busy not fastening your safety belt and getting a concussion."

"I don't have a concussion, kitsune."

"Well that's a pity. If you had gotten a concussion, I could have taken care of you. I really do have excellent bedside manners, Hiei."

"Yeah. Your bedside manners probably get you right into the bed."

"Why of course."

Shadow snapped her fingers. "Back to the matter at hand," she said mockingly.

"Right. Let's get the hell out of here," Hiei said, starting down the hall.

"But what about us!" Miroku asked. The fire demon paused and looked at him thoughtfully, then shrugged.

"We might think o' somethin'." He jogged down the hall with Youko, Yusuke, Karasu, and the two girls not far behind.

"They might think of something! How the hell is that supposed to help us?" Inuyasha cried.

"It probably isn't," Yuki pointed out, starting out at a walk, then grudgingly increasing pace when he realized that he would not keep up if he were slow. Hiro hurried after him.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean!" Inuyasha complained.

"Probably nothing," Sesshoumaru told him, turning and jogging after the others.

"GODDAMMIT!"

They all left Yuri sitting there looking stupid. Unbeknownst to anyone, Youko had slipped her drugs that erased all her memories past the age of ten. How he'd done it, even I don't know. The magician doesn't tell me his secrets, and I don't ask. Some things, you'd rather not know.

The group managed to get out of the building unaided and unhindered.

"So where are we going?" Shadow asked.

"We are going outside the city..." Hiei paused and looked around. It was the middle of the night in 2015 Tokyo. "Nobody's out and about. Let's just run in the shadows. Most people won't see us and wonder why a were-fox and a wolf-man and a guy with dog ears are hauling ass down the street with a group of semi-normal humanoids on their tails.

"If only it were Halloween, we wouldn't have to worry about 'Why the hell is Koga wearing a skirt' and the like," Shadow sighed sadly.

"Yes, well it isn't Halloween. Now let's run," Hiei said.

And they did. They ran full out on the darker side of the street until they reached the sleek silver vessel that was to take them home.

"What in the name of--" Koga started.

"You're in the future; you get really weird-ass stuff in the future," Inuyasha said.

"What do you know, mutt!"

He opened his mouth to argue, but realized Koga had no idea Kagome was not from their time. He shut his mouth again.

"Okay, troop!" Shadow said. "Into the extremely large and conspicuous silver vessile of doom!"

"Indeed," Youko said. He ushered them all into the time machine, they all strapped in, coordinates were set, then, shiZAM! And they were gone, headed back to 2005.

And then they were back in 2005.

The time machine plummetted down from the sky and smashed into Shadow's front yard.

"SWEET JESUS!" she screamed.

"At least it wasn't the house," Hiei muttered, one hand over his heart like he had to hold it inside his chest.

They all piled out into the yard and Shadow made a damage assessment. It was very quick.

"There's a giant crater in the middle of my front yard."

"Toldja we didn't have much fuel," Youko reminded.

"Shove it, fox," Hiei snapped.

"Where would you like it?"

"This is NOT the time for flirting," Shadow said. "We have guests, and I'm here. If you wanted to flirt with my boyfriend, you should have done it when I wasn't around."

"He _did_."

"YOU DID? YOU FLIRTED WITH MY BOYFRIEND WHILE I WASN'T AROUND?" Shadow grabbed Eclipse's shoulders. "I TOLD YOU OUR BOYFRIENDS WERE CHEATING WITH EACH OTHER!"

"Youko isn't my boyfriend! If he fucked Hiei, then he's in trouble, but my boyfriend is off the hook!"

"I'm not your boyfriend?" Youko asked pathetically. "I'm hurt, Eclipse. I'm realy and truly upset. I thought you liked me."

"I do like you. But you sure as hell ain't my boyfriend."

"Why not?"

"My boyfriend is more tactful than you."

"This is not the place for this discussion," Sesshoumaru snapped. "I'm not sure that this is the place for _anything_."

"Ah, yes. Sesshoumaru, I welcome you to my humble abode," Shadow said, gesturing to her house. She took his hand and led him towards the porch. Hiei watched her go inside, then rounded on the others.

"Goddammit, what happened with those two while I wasn't around!"

Yusuke shrugged. Hiei pointed at him.

"You are _useless._" He turned and went for the house. He'd barely gotten the door open when Shadow's hand shot out and grabbed him, dragging him inside and pinning him against the wall. Then she was kissing him. The fire demon had a brief moment to realize Sesshoumaru was standing about five feet away before he didn't give a shit that Sesshoumaru was standing about five feet away. He allowed himself to be lost in the sensations as he reacquainted himself with the girl he loved.

Kokuei walked into the room and the couple could _feel_ her disgust. In an attempt to ignore the lovebirds, she walked over to Sesshoumaru and snuffled at him. He glanced at her, but did nothing more.

The door opened, and the first thing Eclipse saw was the couple making out. She screamed and turned her head away, shielding her eyes like she'd just looked into the sun.

"Oh, it BURNS, it burns!"

"What burns?" Youko asked. He appeared in the doorway and smirked. "Jeez, Hiei, really. Have a little tact."

_'Does it really look like Hiei has any say in that?'_ Kokuei asked the fox. The fire demon was quite thoroughly pinned to the wall, Shadow totally dominating their contact.

_'You have a point, dear Kokuei. Are you not happy to see Shadow?'_

_'I'm happy, dammit.'_

_'You sound like it.'_

_'Shove off.'_

Chuckling lightly, the fox walked into the living room. RSD was gone--not an unexpected turn of events. Normally when you leave somebody lying on a couch because they can't move, they're there when you come back. Since that would be expected, RSD could not do that and still be random. So, he had to leave. But if you'd taken the time to reason this out, then you would have been expecting him to be gone, and he would have been trapped in the dangerous sea of indecision.

Fortunately, you didn't take the time to figure this out until he was already gone and I reasoned it out to you, correct? Of course it's correct; I said it, didn't I?

The others wandered into the house, and Inuyasha's reaction was much the same as Eclipse's had been.

"JEZUS CRIMINY!" he cried, covering his eyes and turning away. "Have some decency!"

"Lord in Heaven..." Youko muttered. "Why can't anybody handle a little kiss?"

"Because it's not a little kiss," Eclipse whispered. "I bet Hiei has a hard-on."

"I do not," he protested, finally breaking the kiss. Shadow hugged him and whispered something that nobody else heard, not even Youko or Sesshoumaru. Hiei chuckled. "I'm tired, though."

"Don't give me that crap, Hiei, you can go days without sleep."

"Who says I haven't already?"

"I says. Now go upstairs and I'll be up there in ten minutes, no more."

"Aw, Jesus. Couldn't you hold off on that shit?" Yusuke complained.

"What shit?" Shadow asked innocently. "Hiei's just... planning our... hm... celebration."

"Yeah, I bet it's a real safe celebration, too."

"Don't worry, we'll use a condom..."

Yusuke's eyes widened, but Youko laughed.

"Nice, Shadow," he said. "Just go to Hiei, we can handle ourselves down here. You have my word that your house will not be destroyed tonight, nor will your possessions."

"They damn well better not go missing, either, fox, or I'm gonna come knocking on your door."

"I don't have a door."

"It's a figure of speech."

"I am aware of that, I'm just doing the same thing you do to everyone else all the time."

"What's that?"

"Nitpick."

"I do not nitpick!"

"You do so. You also contradict people all the time."

"I do not!"

"You just did."

"No I didn't!"

"You're in denial."

"No I'm not!"

"Shut up, goddammit!" Sesshoumaru snapped. They did. Shadow hugged him.

"Sorry, Fluffy! Now, please, make yourselves at home. Youko, until I return, you are their kind and loving host. Which means, no free time with Eclipse."

"Damn you, Shadow. Damn you."

"Oh, you'll get yourself off if it's that vital to you."

"Why should you get time with Hiei but I don't get time with Eclipse?"

"Because one, Hiei is my boyfriend and I haven't seen him in a week, and two, Eclipse doesn't want to fuck with you--"

"Yes she does, she just acts otherwise."

"Whatever. Two, because this is my house and I don't want you fucking around in it, and three, you had over a week alone with my boyfriend and you didn't take advantage of that. Your loss." She started for the stairs.

"Wait, what the fuck. Are you saying that if I had screwed Hiei's brains out while you were gone, you wouldn't have cared?"

"Notso much." She was halfway up the stairs.

"WELL I WISH I'D KNOWN THAT BEFORE!" he complained.

"Keep your voice down. Get everybody a place to sleep, offer them showers and food. Good food, not that shit we had to eat--"

"Goddammit, I'm not a hospitable person. Now I'm pissed off." He vanished and the redhead returned. He gave Shadow a startled look.

"You would have let Youko screw Hiei!"

"It'd be good for them both." She vanished up the stairs. Kurama shook his head.

"I don't get that girl." He turned around and nearly ran into Yuki. "Shit! What in the world..."

"What are you, exactly?"

"What? Uh, well, that's a long story. For another time, perhaps."

"No. Tell me. Why the hell do you turn into a seven-foot-tall lewd man with a tail and ears?"

"You want something to eat? Shadow told me to offer you all dinner and a shower and bed. You hungry?"

"You're avoiding the question."

"Yes I am." He slipped passed the blonde and went into the dining room, making the general announcement, "If anyone is hungry, I'm making food. If anyone wants a shower, we'll figure that out later. If you're tired, we'll get you a bed." He left again and headed for the kitchen. After a little bit, when he had something delicious-smelling cooking, Karasu appeared in the doorway. Kurama looked up.

"What the hell do you want?"

"I haven't seen you in a while."

"You mean since you kidnapped my girlfriend?"

"Er... yeah..."

"You still after me?"

"What?"

"I noticed the way you kept looking at Sesshoumaru. Have you finally gotten intelligent enough to give up on me?"

"I haven't given up. Just... taking a break."

"Good plan. But let me tell you, Sesshoumaru is not a good choice."

"I've already kissed him twice."

"_What!_"

Karasu chuckled and told the fox about his close encounters of the hot, arousing kind.

"Sounds like you're doing pretty well," Kurama said, turning off the burners on the stove.

"I want him, Kurama."

"Understandable."

"I'm willing to give up on you if you can help me get him."

"Karasu, he's from like, five hundred years ago. He can't stay here and you can't stay there."

"Then just get me one night with him!"

"How do you propose I do that? 'Hey, Sesshoumaru, since we're such great friends and everything, do you suppose you could sleep with Karasu just once, for me, please?'"

"You're more tactful than that."

"Indeed."

Yusuke appeared next to Karasu. "I smell food."

"Yes, Yusuke, the food is ready."

"Yes!" He ran away to announce it.

"Can we continue this discussion later?" Karasu asked.

"As nice as it is to talk to you without worrying about you hitting on me or attempting to seduce me, there is nothing to continue talking about. Sesshoumaru doesn't like you."

Karasu sighed sadly. As Kurama passed him to take the food to the dining room, he felt the crow's hand on his ass.

"Then what about you?"

Kurama stopped. "I have two words for you. Well, actually, it's one word, and I'm gonna say it twice: Ha. Ha." He walked away. Karasu sighed dejectedly.

The second the food was on the table, Shadow and Hiei walked in.

"Did you make enough for us, too?" the girl asked.

"No. You get to starve."

"What! You insuffrable little son of a--"

"I'm kidding! There's plenty for everyone."

"Excellent."

_**

* * *

**_

Morning came too early for anyone's preference. Nobody woke up at dawn, having been awake until three AM due to the confusion of settling six extra people, plus Yusuke and Karasu, with places to sleep. They did manage, though, and everyone slept like they would never wake up.

Unfortunately, the state of wakefulness cannot be avoided forever. There was a knock on the door downstairs. Nobody heard it, and nobody woke up. Whoever it was knocked harder. If anyone heard it, they reasoned that whoever it was would go the hell away if ignored.

Five minutes later, a rather irritated Koenma got fed up and zapped himself straight into Shadow and Hiei's bedroom. He did somewhat regret it.

The two were asleep, holding each other tightly. The sheet on their bed covered them from the waist down. Shadow was wearing a black bra, but, part of Koenma's mind reminded bitterly, probably would have been wearing nothing if they hadn't had guests. He was about to leave and come back later, deciding facing Hiei now was a bad idea, when the fire demon spoke quietly.

"What do you want?"

Koenma jumped. "Oh... uh, you're awake."

"Obviously." He eased away from Shadow, sliding out of the bed silently and without disturbing her. Why he was so gentle, Koenma wasn't sure. Last time he checked, Shadow could be flung out a window and not wake up. The fire demon, wearing a pair of loose black pants, led Koenma silently from the room and shut the door.

"Hiei--"

"Everyone's still asleep."

"I'm not," Kurama said quietly from the doorway of his room. "Somebody pounding on the door like a maniac woke me up."

Koenma managed to look embarrassed. Then he glared. "Who am I to apologize? It's after noon. Is it my fault you felt the need to illegally travel through time? I could have you jailed."

"But you won't. And keep your voice down," Hiei said quietly, dragging the taller Prince of Reikai down the hall.

"I won't? Why shouldn't I?"

Hiei glared. "If anyone should get in trouble, it should be the girls who started the whole ordeal."

"I can't very well do anything about them. They're in the future. You, however--"

"Fine. Put me in prison," Hiei snapped. "I don't want to be around when Shadow finds out, though."

"You wouldn't be. You'd be in prison."

Hiei glared. "Look, I'm not one to sit around and wait. You know that. Now why the hell are you here? Just to tell me you plan on throwing me in prison?"

"I never said I planned on it. And that's not why I'm here."

"Then why are you?"

"I came to see if you had a brilliant plot to fix what you have really fucked up by bringing people from the Fuedal Era to 2005 Tokyo."

Hiei crossed his arms. "No. I don't have a brilliant plan. In fact, I have no fucking idea what we're going to do with them. Gonna arrest me?"

Koenma sighed. "No."

"I thought not. Can I go back to bed now?"

"No."

"Why the hell not?"

"We have to figure out a way to deal with them. And it probably wouldn't be a bad idea to erase their memories. I should take them to Reikai--"

"They'll be fine here. Now leave."

"Hiei, I don't appreciate--"

"I don't appreciate you just appearing in my bedroom while I'm trying to sleep!"

"I tried the door! No one would answer!" His voice raised angrily.

"Keep your voices down," Kurama pleaded.

"I am," Hiei stated, while simultaneously Koenma nearly shouted, "I _AM!_"

A door flew open down the hall and Shadow stalked out. The three guys in the hallway froze, staring at her as she stalked towards them in a bra and short shorts. Hiei and Kurama backed against the walls. She was clearly aiming for Koenma. He tried to back up, but they were at the top of the stairs. Shadow walked up and stood in front of him, and turned him so his back was to the stairs. She stared up at him for a minute before she extended her arms and shoved him backwards down the stairs. The second she was sure he wouldn't be catching himself, she turned to return to her bed.

Now, somebody falling down the stairs was bound to make a loud noise. There was a pissed-off yell of, "Shut up, I'm trying to sleep!" A door opened and Yuki poked his blonde head out. Shadow glanced at him, eyes narrowed, hands fisted at her sides, jaw set angrily.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"She just pushed somebody down the stairs, it's nothing major," Kurama said nervously.

"Anyone I know?"

"No," Hiei answered, watching Shadow return to their room.

"Ah." He vanished back into his room. Maybe he would have cared more if he wasn't so tired. But I doubt it.

Koenma dragged himself to his feet and Hiei and Kurama hastily made for their bedrooms and locked the doors. Kokuei was downstairs. If he tried anything, the dog would see to it he was properly removed from the vicinity.

When a few people started getting up, Hiei and Shadow, the dutiful hosts, also got up, showered, and found that Kurama was a more dutiful host than them and was in the kitchen making lunch by the time they got their asses out of the shower.

"Ah! You make food, Kurama. Very, very, good," Shadow said in English in an Italian accent. He glanced at her and just shook his head. Hiei didn't even pay her _that_ much mind, even though he was holding her hand and hadn't stopped touching her since he'd returned to bed after the Koenma incident.

"Yeah, I'm making food," he said, kind enough to use a language everyone nearby spoke. "You hungry?"

"Am I hungry? Am _I_ hungry? Oh, dear Kurama..." She shook her head calmly, then slammed her hand on the counter. "I COULD EAT A WHALE AND STILL BE HUNGRY!"

"Okay, okay, calm down..."

"I am calm," she stated calmly. "Me and Hiei are gonna go mingle with our guests, 'kay?" Before he could say whether it was okay or not, she had dragged her boyfriend away. No sooner were they gone then Karasu appeared in the doorway.

"They got you slaving over the food again, hm?"

The fox didn't move his head as his eyes darted up to glance at him. "Hello, Karasu."

"Did you sleep well last night with your... girlfriend...?"

"That's not really your business, I think."

"I guess not." He walked closer so he could hover at the fox's elbow. "What're you making?"

Kurama, in lieu of answering, slowly turned his head to look at the crow. Karasu glanced at him innocently. "Karasu. I appreciate you not feeling me up, but if this is a sudden attempt at redeeming yourself, just give up. Even if I forgave you, Eclipse would see you castrated and blind before _she_ did."

"If you're going to be like that, I might as well feel you up." He made a move to do just that, and Kurama smacked him with the hot spoon he'd just been stirring the soup with. The crow jerked away. Shadow appeared in the doorway, detached from Hiei for the first time in a couple hours. She crossed her arms and glared at the two.

"Stop flirting," she stated calmly.

"Shadow, get rid of Karasu. I can't concentrate. He might distract me and make me burn your lunch."

"You're cruel, Kurama," the crow muttered as Shadow grabbed his hand. "Using food to your advantage... That's almost as bad as threatening Hiei."

"I would never threaten Hiei," the fox swore, then Karasu was gone from his sight. Shadow pulled him into the living room, where everyone else was lounging around. Eclipse shot the crow a death look and looked to Shadow with a 'was he just doing what I think he was doing?' expression.

"Lunch is almost ready," Shadow announced, not answering Eclipse in Karasu's best interests. "Why don't we start getting into the dining room, what do you say?"

"Shadow-san, I appreciate your hospitality and everything, but I should be getting home--" Hiro started. She shushed him.

"Just take advantage of the free food, dammit, Mister Hot-Shot Guitarist! I guess I can let you go after lunch..."

"What about us?" Koga asked. Shadow looked him over.

"I don't know. But you have really sexy legs, did I ever mention that?"

Hiei dragged the girl away from Koga before he could hurt her.

After a not-so-peaceful meal, Shadow hugged Hiro tightly and sent him on his way with many tears and good-byes and farewell gifts of everything she'd picked from his pockets when she hugged him. He frowned and left.

"What about me?" Yuki asked. "Shuichi's going to be having a heart attack soon from my absence."

"You could call him, I suppose... But..."

Yuki glared. "You can't hold me prisoner in your house! I'll leave whenever I feel like it!"

She crossed her arms. "You're in no shape to walk all the way home."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I mean, look at you! You're so hot and sexy that every girl within miles will pass out! There will be multiple car accidents from whoever glances out their window at you! Let me take you home."

"It's quite unnecessary. I can walk."

"But I can also take you. And you deserve the escort. You deserve one kind act from me, after all I've put you through. Puh-LEEEZ can I take you home?"

"Do you even have your license? How old are you?"

"I'm seventeen! I've been driving since I was like, fifteen! Come on! Please?" The only reason she really wanted to take him home was to see his house. And also because she wanted to see him safely to his door, to make sure no more fanatics snagged him on the trip. After all, being a fan of his books, she couldn't very well just abandon him like that. She had to see that he survived to write more novels.

He looked conflicted. Truth be told, he didn't really feel like walking...

"Fine," he sighed. She let out a whoop. In one fluid motion, she dove out the nearest window onto the porch, rolled once, sprang over the railing, and landed on her hands, then tore around the side of the house like a rabbit. Yuki stared out the door, towards the corner of the house where she'd vanished. A second later, a motorcycle engine roared and she flew around the house, coming up to the porch from the opposite side and stopping directly in front of the steps.

"Yuki Eiri-sama, your escort has arrived!" she announced. "Hop aboard!"

"A motorcycle!" He was starting to rethink this. Shadow on a motorcycle was a bad idea. "Is it too late to decline?"

"YES! Get on the damn bike, Yuki!"

Hesitantly, reluctantly, he edged out the door and down the stairs, climbing on the bike behind her. "Do you have a helmet or--"

"You won't need it. I'm the best motorcycle driver in the city." She was wearing her leather (she'd changed sometime between jumping out the window and pulling up in front of the porch), but he was entirely unprotected. And human. And mortal.

"I'll bet."

"Hold on tight!"

He barely had time to process the warning and tighten his arms around her middle before she took off so fast the bike nearly jumped out from under them both. The next thing he knew, they were dodging traffic on a packed city street. Shadow was whooping with joy as they ran a red light and nearly got hit by a tractor trailer. Yuki, on the other hand, was on the verge of vomitting.

"HEY!" he screamed. Shadow dodged a pedestrian, a huge smile on her face.

"WHAT?" she shouted back.

"MY HOUSE IS THAT WAY! TAKE A RIGHT!"

"YOUR HORSE IS GAY IF YOU TAKE HIM RIGHT? _WHAT?_" She looked over her shoulder at him.

"**_LOOK OUT!_**" he screamed.

"Huh?" She returned her eyes to the road just in time to dodge a doughnut shop that had somehow gotten in front of her while she was distracted.

"I SAID _TAKE A RIGHT!_" he repeated. "BUT NOW YOU MISSED IT! TURN AROUND!"

"TURN AROUND? OKAY!" She leaned to her left and they spun around, barely slowing. "A RIGHT, RIGHT?"

"WELL IT'S A _LEFT_, NOW! LEFT!"

"WHAT'S LEFT NOW?" she asked, going up on the sidewalk around the right turn to avoid the 90 degree angle of it.

"LEFT! TURN AROUND AGAIN! ARE YOU **SURE** YOU HAVE YOUR LICENSE!"

"TURN AROUND AGAIN! GOOD IDEA!" She flattened herself on the bike and sped towards the nearest pedestrian crossing, flew a circle around a six-year-old, effectively making him drop his ice cream and scream like the baby he was, then she sped back the opposite way she'd come.

"HOW FAST ARE WE GOING?" Yuki asked.

"WHAT?"

"SPEED! HOW MUCH!"

"I DON'T _DO_ SPEED!"

He tightened his grip around her and screamed right in her ear, "_HOW FAST ARE WE GOING?"_

"WE JUST HIT 280 KPH!"

"_WHAT!_"

"280 AND COUNTING!" she cheered, laughing. "281... 282!" (280 KPH is 175 MPH)

"YOU'RE GONNA KILL ME!"

"I WOULD NEVER!"

"TAKE A LEFT!"

She went up on the sidewalk again and barely dodged a police officer. A whoop of joy rang out as Yuki screamed in horror, "THAT WAS A COP!"

"I KNOW!"

"YOU'RE DEAD!"

"NOT LAST TIME I CHECKED!"

"**WHY IS IT TAKING SO LONG TO GET TO MY HOUSE WHEN WE'RE GOING SO DAMN FAST!**"

"'CAUSE THE AUTHORESS LOVES WRITING MOTORCYCLE SPEEDING TRAFFIC DANGER FUN FUN FUN SCENES!" She gave him a moment to be confused, then added offhandedly, but no more quietly, "AND ALSO CUZ I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!"

"THERE!" he shouted. He didn't dare risk taking one arm off her to point, however.

"WHERE?"

"YOU JUST PASSED IT!"

"WHAT?"

"TURN AROUND AND **_SLOW DOWN!_**"

"Turn around _AGAIN!" _She did a 180 and ended up going down the wrong side of the road, but at a safer rate of 160 KPH (100 mph).

"UP AHEAD. **_SLOW DOWN!_**"

"**PEDESTRIAN!** TEN THOUSAND POINTS IF I CAN KILL 'IM AND STAY IN CONTROL!"

"DON'T KILL HIM, THAT'S SHUICHI!"

She was oblivious, laughing maniacally as she gained on the pink-haired boy. Yuki shouted obseneties at her and Shuichi screamed like a girl.

At the last possible second, Shadow braked and turned, skidding sideways towards the screaming musician. She slid to a stop about one foot in front of him, and the bike nearly tipped, but she was so good that neither the observers nor the passenger noticed that near-tragedy. She stomped her booted foot down onto the ground and offered her hand to Yuki's stunned boyfriend.

"So you're Shuichi, huh?" She grabbed the frozen boy's hand and shook it enthusiastically. "I like your music." She looked at the large house they were in front of. "So this is where you two lovebirds live, huh? Sweet house."

"Y-Yuki...?" Shuichi finally managed.

"Huh?" Shadow said. "Oh yeah. I brought your lover back. Say, do you guys have any lemonade? I could really go for lemonade right about now."

Yuki promptly fell right off Shadow's bike and hit the pavement head-first.

"YUKI!"

Shadow looked curiously, casually, at the stunned novelist. She shook her head. "That man has no appreciation for the simple pleasures in life. Such as going 281 kph down a city street during rush hour."

Shuichi rushed around the motorcycle and hugged Yuki to his chest protectively.

"Go away, you psycho! You hurt Yuki!"

"Psycho! Psycho? Who are you to be calling me psycho! I got that guy here in record time so you two could be reunited and love could continue its devious ways unhindered!"

"Yuki's very sensitive! I bet you gave him a heart attack! I think he's in shock! Call an ambulance!"

"_What!_"

* * *

Now wasn't that fun? I thought it was. It was fun to write, that's for sure.

One more chapter. I bet you're sad. But the good news is, I'm working on chapter like, five or six of the next story... So I could have something up immediately after this.  
But I probably won't.  
I'm glad I finally got the 'I feel like writing' bug yesterday. For the past three or more weeks I've been too lazy to write. Sad, yes, but true.

Review. I read 'em!


	12. Chopped Liver

**(Tuesday, Dec. 13, 2005)**213 reviews... Yay. And finally we come to the last chapter... 'Tis a sad, sad day.

Some notes: A certain something in this story is kind of an advirtisement for a story my dear friend hColleen wrote for me (Visit her site! Visit her homepage! Love her! She's great!)... You may be able to guess what. But I'll put it at the bottom in case you can't.

_**

* * *

**_

**CHAPTER JUUNI  
**Chopped Liver is Kinda Squishy and Reddish...

After calling an ambulance, Shadow had hauled ass off "the scene of the crime" so she wouldn't get in trouble, but promised to come visit Yuki in the hospital. He bitched at her, as did Shuichi, but she just got on her motorcycle and zoomed away. Her laughter floated back to them.

So now, some number of hours later, she was home fixing dinner when Koenma appeared. Right in the kitchen beside her when she was chopping vegetables.

"Shadow--"

"HAIYAAAA!" she screamed, and swung the knife at him before realizing she could have just slit the Prince of Reikai's throat. Then she screamed in horror. "KOENMA OMIGOD I'M SO SORRY, I ALMOST KILLED YOU!"

His eyes were wide as saucers and he was frozen on the spot. Hiei and Kurama appeared in the doorway. "What's going on?"

Shadow flung herself on her boyfriend. "Hiei, I almost killed Koenma! I almost killed Yuki earlier! For your own safety, run, before I almost kill you, too!"

"Too late," he muttered. "You just ran that knife in your hand right across my arm."

She screamed and flung herself back, knife-hand waving. Kurama caught her wrist and yanked the potentially deadly weapon out of her grip.

"Calm down, Shadow," he said. Shadow grabbed Hiei's arm.

"Oh my God, my sweet lover, I hurt you!"

"It's just a flesh wound," he said. "Nothing serious." Blood was trickling down his arm from the cut.

"Oh, but it hurts, doesn't it?"

"Not really. Koenma, why are you here?"

The demi-god finally relaxed and glanced at them.

"I think I know how to get the others back home."

"Really?"

"Yes. We figured out the specifics for rigging up a time portal... You see, all we had to do was--"

"Oh, please, spare us the technobabble," Shadow pressed. "Just give us the bad news."

"Bad news?"

"When... when are you going to take away my beautiful Sesshoumaru...?"

"Oh. Well, tomorrow morning would work."

"Tomorrow morning!" She seemed devastated. "Oh, my God... That soon!" She brought her hands to her face and was lucky she wasn't holding the knife anymore, or she would have put out her own eye. "I'm devastated! What am I going to do without Sesshoumaru around to caress and harass?"

"What am I, chopped liver?" Hiei snapped crossly. Shadow's head popped up from her hands and she looked around, eyes settling on her boyfriend.

"Nah... Chopped liver is kind of more squishy and reddish... Why would you even want to know?"

"It's a figure of speech, Shadow," Kurama told her. "He wants to know if you've totally forgotten that he's your significant other and that caressing Sesshoumaru is basically classified as cheating on him."

"Ohh, THAT kind of chopped liver..." Shadow flung herself on Hiei again. "I'm sorry, Hiei! I'll never caress Sesshoumaru again!"

"Not like you can blame her for touching him," Kurama pointed out. Then he smacked his hand over his mouth as everyone else in the room turned to stare at him. "It was all Youko," he said, sounding appalled.

"I'll bet it was," Shadow said suspiciously.

"I believe you," Hiei muttered, having experienced a very small degree of how horny the kitsune had been lately. And it was true. He couldn't blame Shadow for wanting to touch Sesshoumaru. The guy was gorgeous.

"Hey..." Speak of the devil. Sesshoumaru appeared in the doorway and hesitated. Everybody looked at him. He looked at Koenma. "I remember you. You're that annoying little pest."

"I'd watch what I said if I were you," Koenma retorted.

"But you're not." He looked to Shadow. "Do something about Karasu." A plain and simple command, not a request or a favor.

Shadow's eyes widened. "What's Karasu doing!"

"Talking to my brother about me."

"Oh." Shadow bit her lower lip. "I don't think I can really do anything about that... What is he saying?"

"They're scheming."

"Scheming!"

"Yes. Karasu said something about Kurama not helping him with me..." The inuyoukai's gold eyes passed an accusatory glare towards the redhead before he returned his gaze to Shadow, "So, he's planning on getting my brother to help him get me."

"But he promised he wouldn't touch you anymore!"

Sesshoumaru shook his head. "I think his exact words were... he would 'not molest me for the rest of the time we were together here.' He phrased it that way on purpose and I didn't expect to see him after we left that damn prison, so I didn't force him to rephrase it. So I can't get him on that."

"Damn," Shadow said. She sighed. "I'll talk to them." She left the room without another word. Sesshoumaru glanced at them all again, then turned and headed off in a different direction. Kurama hesitated, then set down the knife he'd taken from Shadow and left the room. Hiei watched with a confused expression, then met Koenma's glance and shrugged.

Sesshoumaru turned when somebody grabbed his arm and came face to face with Youko Kurama.

"What do you want?" he asked. The fox tilted his head.

"Do you remember me, Sesshoumaru?" he asked curiously, almost suspiciously. The inuyoukai didn't respond, but looked the fox over with calculating eyes, as if debating whether to answer. Youko stepped back and crossed his arms. After a minute, the inu nodded.

"Yes."

"Why didn't you say anything last time we met, then?"

"Last time? You mean when I was chained between those two girls?"

"Never mind. I can forgive that minor discretion, purely because it was Shadow's fault."

"And what would you have had me say?"

The fox shrugged. "You made no indication whatsoever that you'd ever met me before in your life."

"It was a long time ago. I'm surprised you would remember me."

"And I'm a bit surprised I remember you, as well. So it's amazing that either of us remembers the other." The fox leaned one shoulder on the wall and reached out to slowly slide his hand up and down Sesshoumaru's arm. He abruptly stepped away. "Come with me."

"With you? Where the hell to?"

"Upstairs."

"Upstairs," the inu repeated dryly.

"I want to discuss something with you."

"Why should I?"

"C'mon. For old times sake?"

"What old times? We had sex once ages ago--" Youko pressed a finger over his lips.

"Don't let anyone else hear that. They'll all want me dead."

"Why?"

"Because they all want you. Or, in your brother's case, he'll be appalled and suspect we're secretly lovers or something and you'll never hear the end of it."

Sesshoumaru frowned. "What do you want to talk about?"

There was a pause. "You don't trust me." It wasn't a question.

"Why should I?"

"I'm not going to seduce you and screw you in the upstairs bedroom of my best friend's house. Nor am I going to chain you up and hold you hostage. Nor am I going to hurt you, bewitch you, sedate you, rape you, bite you, kiss you--Well, I may do that..."

"You--"

"Come on. If nothing else, just to get away from Karasu. He won't bother you if I'm around. I killed him once."

The inuyoukai didn't ask questions, even though several popped into his head (such as "What the fuck?"). "Fine."

Youko smirked and led the way upstairs. They walked right past Shadow as she pinned Inuyasha with her legs and managed to get Karasu in a strangle hold. All three were too distracted to pay a bit of mind to them as they vanished up the stairs.

Hiei came into the living room about ten minutes later to find Shadow had been ganged up on and was tied up by the cord of an old phone that was no longer attached to the wall. Karasu was straddling her and talking to her quietly while Inuyasha sat on the couch and watched. Koga and Miroku were rather deliberately looking the other way, quite literally. They'd become fascinated with a 'family photo' hanging on the wall.

"What the HELL are you doing to my girlfriend?" he snapped. Shadow, who had been looking a bit petrified with fear only moments ago, began wailing in terror.

"Oh, HIEI, _HIEI! _Help me, help me, please!"

Karasu was off her and away from Hiei in a second's time flat. The fire demon glanced at Shadow's bindings.

"Who the hell tied her up with a phone cord!"

Karasu pointed at Inuyasha instantly. Hiei glared at him, but knelt and got the cord off her wrists. She nursed her wrists for a moment, massaging them, then hugged Hiei and hid her face against his chest.

"Hiei, I tried to tell them not to bother Fluffy anymore and they beat me down!"

"How did Karasu beat you? You usually whip his ass, don't you?"

"It was all Inuyasha," she sniffled.

"Well then." Hiei stood up and pulled her to her feet. "I guess it's a good thing Inuyasha will be leaving soon."

"He will? Why?"

"Koenma already told you. He'll be taking them home. Tomorrow morning."

"Oh yeah." She sniffled. "I'll miss Fluffy."

"Yeah, so will I," Hiei said dryly, clearly not really meaning it. She hit his chest.

"You clearly don't really mean that."

"Clearly," he replied. "C'mon. You were making dinner, weren't you?"

"Was I? I thought I told Kurama to."

"You didn't tell him anything, and he left."

"Left? Where?"

Now Hiei looked puzzled. He glanced around. "I have no idea."

"He's probably off screwing Eclipse."

"Oh, he better not be."

"Let's go check." She grabbed his hand and started for the stairs. Being attached to her, he couldn't really protest, and followed.

They got upstairs and started down the hall. They were near their own bedroom when they heard a disturbing sound.

"Ahh! No--Uhhhn..." There was a gasp, then more little noises in Eclipse's voice. Shadow and Hiei exchanged glances and Shadow moved forward and flung open her bedroom door.

"That's my bed you fre--What the fuck?"

Eclipse was sitting on the bottom of Shadow's bed, video game controller clutched in her hands, a distressed look on her face. She looked at Shadow as a screen popped up on the TV saying "Race Over." It was the same game Hiei had been playing when he was ignoring Koenma a few days previous.

"I was in first the entire race... Then I wrecked..." she whimpered. "They caught up... It was close... then a van appeared out of nowhere in front of me and ker-**SLAM!** The car next to me wrecked me into it and I totally lost... I lost to a paddy-wagon... A yellow paddy-wagon... There is no justice in that... I must seek revenge..."

"Before you do... um... Tell me two things."

"Maybe."

"One: Why the hell are you in my room playing my games without my permission?"

"Because you never cared before, so why would you care now?"

"You have a point."

"Indeed."

"Okay, and two: Where the hell is your boyfriend?"

"I have a boyfriend?" Her head dropped to one side and landed on her shoulder. "Is he hot?"

"Yes, he's very gorgeous. Long red hair, green eyes, tall, kinda feminine...?"

"Oh, yeah! That boyfriend! Nope, I haven't seen him since I came up here."

Shadow sighed. "Okay, Hiei, let's go."

"One last thing!" Eclipse said quickly. Shadow paused. "Who set this crazy-mad record on here?"

Hiei waved. "That was me."

"You? But you don't play video games!"

"I recently took it up."

"Well. I guess you and Shadow will have something in common after all. That's all! Ta-ta!" She waved, smiling sweetly, then went back to her game. Shadow pulled Hiei from the room and shut the door. Next stop, Kurama's room. It was totally logical to expect to find him there.

Shadow opened the door, and her jaw dropped to her feet.

Kurama was in there alright. Only he was Youko, and he was laying on top of Sesshoumaru, kissing him.

Hiei's eyes widened and he almost laughed. The pair didn't seem to notice until Shadow flat out collapsed. Then Youko's head snapped up and Sesshoumaru turned wide eyes towards the door.

The fox kept his cool, but Sesshoumaru shoved him away and sat up, attempting to regain some of his dignity. Hiei chuckled.

"I won't tell a soul."

Youko smirked. "Want to join us, Hiei?"

"Yeah right." The fire demon knelt and jabbed his girlfriend in the stomach. She twitched and looked at him.

"A-are they still..."

"No, they stopped." He looked extremely amused. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah... Except that that was too hot for words..."

Hiei laughed. Why was he being so good natured about finding Youko Kurama making out with another man? Who knows. Maybe he was just grateful it wasn't him.

Youko got off the bed and approached them.

"So you finally chose a victim, Youko?"

The fox shrugged. "Not a victim... An old friend."

Hiei was still smiling. Maybe somebody injected him with drugs. "An old friend, huh?" He leaned back to look at Sesshoumaru, but still spoke to the fox. "How come you never mentioned it before?"

"Not important." He lowered his voice. "Between you and me, Hiei, I've probably fucked a lot of people you've met, but you don't know about it."

"I'm sure you have, fox. And let's make sure I never find out, okay? I don't want an exact count on the fuck-o-meter."

The fox threw his head back and laughed. Shadow just stared at her boyfriend and mouthed the words, "Fuck-o-meter?" He shrugged.

From down the hall, they heard, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LAUGHING ABOUT!"

To mock Hiei, Youko called, "Hey, Eclipse! Want to make my fuck-o-meter go up one number?"

There was a pause, then the girl's head popped out from Shadow's bedroom. "What!"

"He was propositioning you," Shadow said, "while at the same time making fun of Hiei."

"Wow! Two birds in one basket!" Eclipse cheered. "Go Youko!" Shadow frowned.

"Dude, do you know what propositioning is?"

"Yeah. He was offering something to me."

"Know what?"

"...His cock?"

"Pretty much so, Eclipse. Congratulations, you catch on quick," the fox taunted.

"Okay. Hey, Shadow, what's for dinner?"

Youko rolled his eyes and sat down in the doorway. "That girl has a one track mind..."

Eclipse left Shadow's room, walked down the hall, and straddled the fox's lap. He looked startled for a minute, and as she leaned against him, he looked even more confused. Everybody must have got some serious meds before this chapter, let me tell you.

"Oh, Youko... silly... I want to know what's for dinner so that maybe we'll have a fun food and I can tease you with it."

"Like breadsticks?" Shadow offered.

"Breadsticks!" Youko asked. Shadow grinned and leaned closer.

"You know. Not those stiff, crunchy ones you get at Pizza Hut. I mean, the soft, round, long ones... So she can suck on them and... fantasize..." She leaned close and ran her tongue up the side of his face. He shut one eye and looked at her with the other.

"Why don't you keep your tongue in your mouth, or I'll put it to use," the fox said, wiping the saliva off the side of his face.

"That's Hiei's job," she informed him, getting up. "Now if you'll pardon me, Monsieur, I shall be on my way to make long, round, scrumptious breadsticks for you all to suck on..." The girl walked down the hall without another word. Hiei watched her go, then turned back to see that Youko had also been watching her go, rather, had been watching a certain part of her anatomy as she went.

"You were just oggling her ass."

"What do you expect, little one? She has a nice ass."

"What about me?" Eclipse asked, sitting back and pouting, arms crossed.

"You have a nice ass too. Yours is nicer, because I can actually touch it instead of just catching a subtle look."

"Who says you can touch it!"

"I am right now, and who's protesting?"

And indeed he was, and she wasn't protesting.

"You have a point."

"You're perverted," Sesshoumaru muttered. "It seems to have worsened with your age." He stepped over the fox and headed down the hall the same way Shadow had. Just before he reached the top of the steps, Youko called after him.

"You have a nice ass too, Sesshoumaru!"

The inuyoukai shot a death glare over his shoulder before resolving to ignore him and go downstairs. Youko looked expectantly at Hiei.

"I am not getting up while you're sitting there," Hiei stated. "I don't want you looking at my ass too."

"Why not? I have before."

"Get up and leave."

"Why? So you can look at my ass?"

"Why don't you both get up and leave at the same time?" Eclipse suggested.

"A brilliant plan from a total moron," Youko said. He stood, dumping Eclipse onto the floor. "Come, Hiei."

The fire demon got up and they headed down the hall at the same time.

Eclipse looked at both their asses, rejoicing in her small victory.

_**

* * *

**_

There were no more embarrassing moments for Sesshoumaru that night (incidentally, he wasn't wearing the leather and silk anymore, but rather a pair of dark jeans and a white muscle tee), and no more oggling, bishounen intimacy, or licking of any part of any person's anatomy. A big let down for Youko. But he'd had his moment with Sesshoumaru, and it had been quite an enjoyable moment, so he was satiated for the next few hours. By nightfall, he was making more passes at Eclipse, but we won't go there now.

"Since it's our last night together," Shadow said, making a show of sniffling sadly, "I think we should have some fun."

"I'm all for that," Youko said. She glared.

"Not _that_ kind of fun. You've already had your share of that for today." A furtive glance at Sesshoumaru told him what she meant, even though he already knew. The demon lord was pointedly ignoring them.

"So, what kind of fun, then?" the fox asked.

Shadow shrugged. "Let's get drunk and PARTY!" From no where, she pulled a few bottles of sake. Youko glanced at Hiei and chuckled.

"Hiei will be our 'designated driver' for the night," he said. "Which means, Hiei... No alcohol."

"I hadn't planned on any."

The fox chuckled again. Shadow looked confused.

"What did I miss?"

"Tell her, Hiei."

"No."

"Tell her..."

"No."

Youko, sitting on the couch next to Hiei, leaned over and wrapped his arms around the smaller demon, getting close to his ear and whispering, _"Tell her."_

_"No,"_ Hiei returned.

"Fine, I will." He moved away from the little demon and announced to the whole room, "Shadow, while you were gone, Hiei got totally trashed because he missed you."

"Trashed? _Trashed!_ Hiei!"

The fire demon was glaring at Youko through the corners of narrow eyes.

"Where did you find enough alcohol to get trashed! I keep most of it on my person!" Shadow cried.

"Funny story. He says he found it in a room that never existed before," Youko told her. The girl's mouth formed a little 'o'.

"Hiei, you should know better than to drink things you find in rooms that never existed before! For all you know, Crazy Daisy drugged them so you would fall in love with the next person you saw!"

"The next person I saw was Kurama," Hiei informed her. She gasped.

"So now you love Kurama!"

"No. It wasn't drugged. I got wasted and passed out. I woke up with a hangover and now I'm fine."

"You mean you're not in love with Kurama?"

"No."

She sighed, hand over her heart. "Good. For a minute I thought you'd be gay with Kurama and force me to be gay with Eclipse."

Eclipse screamed in horror and fell off the couch. Everyone else just kind of gave her a funny look.

And they all proceeded to get trashed.

Koenma was not pleased the following morning, when he showed up to take Inuyasha and them all home. When no one answered the door, he poofed himself into the house.

The living room was a mess. Inuyasha and Koga were out cold and halfway on top of each other on the floor. They'd probably fallen asleep in the middle of a drunken wrestling match. Miroku was dozing on the couch. Yusuke was sitting on the floor leaning against the couch, also asleep. Sesshoumaru, Youko, Hiei, Eclipse, and Shadow were all lying on the floor in a tangled mess of limbs and clothes... and un-clothes, Koenma thought as he noted that Hiei was shirtless, Youko was shirtless, and Eclipse's shirt was unbuttoned and hanging open. The fox's hand was in her shirt, on her back as he held her, his head on Sesshoumaru's chest. Shadow, her head pillowed on Sesshoumaru's hip while Hiei's was on his thigh, had her hand down the top of her boyfriend's pants.

Over the past year, Koenma had learned a lot more about his spirit detectives' personal lives than he cared to know about anyone's.

Amidst the mess of limbs and clothes and people, at least a dozen bottles of sake were lying.

Koenma was enraged.

"_WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE!_"

Shadow, Eclipse, Miroku, and Yusuke continued sleeping like rocks. The rest of them started to wake up.

"GET UP! WAKE UP! GET YOUR ASSES UP!"

People groaned, and Sesshoumaru let out a very undignified, "Shut the fuck up..." His eyes didn't open.

Youko's eyes fluttered open, then squinted shut. "Shit... I'm trashed."

"You think so!" Koenma screeched. "You think you might be a little bit drunk? Hmm? Whose idea was this!"

"Shadow's," someone said from behind the teenaged prince. He spun and found Karasu standing behind him.

"Karasu! What the hell are you doing here?"

The crow shrugged. "I didn't want to get drunk off my ass."

"Why is it the pervert is the only one with common sense!" Koenma cried.

Though, Koenma didn't know Karasu's reasons. The crow wasn't some wholesome saint. He hadn't got drunk because he wanted to be sober in case something happened, like Youko went Slut and started fucking someone in the middle of the living room. Or better yet, though he hadn't seriously expected this, perhaps Youko or Sesshoumaru would have got so drunk they'd be delusional and start hitting on him. Neither of these happened, but he had got to watch some serious shit between Hiei and Shadow and Youko and Eclipse. That had been fun. Some drunken attempts between Youko and Hiei, which had ended badly for the fox.

"Because he's a pervert," Youko muttered.

"So you're saying pervs have common sense?"

"No."

"Otherwise Youko would still be sober," Sesshoumaru pointed out.

"That is true." Koenma paused. "Get up. All of you. I cannot afford to destroy the timeline any more than it already has been."

Hiei, who hadn't moved since Koenma had shown up, finally opened his eyes. He cringed.

"Dammit, I said I wasn't going to drink..." His eyes turned downwards, wondering about the feeling along the waistband of his pants. It was Shadow's hand. "Uhn..." He rolled over and pulled her hand away from his body. Before he could get up, however, Shadow's arms went around him and pulled him close. She kissed him, and at first he resisted, startled and thinking she was still asleep, but when he realized she clearly wasn't, he returned it lovingly. Sesshoumaru groaned.

"Get off me," he muttered.

Some twenty minutes later, everybody had a mug of coffee, which Shadow refused to drink because she knew it was pointless. She drank Mello Yello instead. It didn't help either.

"Um..." Koenma said. "Not to be a pest, but you cannot expect Sesshoumaru to return to his rightful time in jeans and a t-shirt."

Shadow, sitting on Hiei's lap, looked up from the second two-liter of Mello Yello she'd chugged in ten minutes. "Uhn," she said intelligently.

"And what do you propose we do?" Youko asked. "Send him back naked?"

Sesshoumaru glared daggers.

"No," Koenma pressed, failing to suppress a blush, "I suggest Shadow finds something more appropriate for him to wear."

"More appropriate? Such as?"

"A kimono? I don't know! What does he usually wear?" the Prince asked, a bit flustered and fed up.

"White," Inuyasha said, and that was the extent of his observations.

"He wears a white haori with a red flower pattern on the left shoulder and on the bottoms of both sleeves," Shadow said, "and white sort of hakama... only they aren't all floofy baggy at the ends, they floof out and then come in tight around his ankles. I think it's all silk. And he wears boots, they're kinda grey and probably some sort of metal or animal hide..."

Koenma stared, as did everyone else. She didn't seem to notice, taking the Mello Yello bottle to her lips to chug a few more swallows down.

"Anything else?" the demi-god asked sarcastically, not really expecting an answer.

"Yeah," she gasped out after having expended all her air on drinking. She wiped the back of her hand across her mouth and set the lid back on the top of the bottle. "He wears armour."

"Anything in specific?"

"It's kind of greyish blackish green and covers his chest in one solid piece. There's a metal strip at the top that has two spikes on it and a big metal arc from the front to the back over his left shoulder that has some spikes on it and attaches to the metal strip on the back... The armor goes down to cover his ass, crotch, and the sides of his legs. It splits, see, to allow for mobility. It's flexible."

Koenma nodded, a dumb look on his face. "Anything else?"

"He has a really long yellow and blue sash around his waist, and a big fluffy fur over his shoulder."

"And swords."

"The swords are taken care of," Youko said. Everyone looked at him. He was holding his coffee mug in one hand and staring at the table, sitting in his chair with terrible posture. "Don't ask. It's a plot hole. The authoress forgot to mention that you all went and got your weapons back sometime between us getting you all out of the room and sending the other guys home."

Shadow stared. "Damn her!" Youko looked up.

"What?"

"Why does she tell you these things and not me?"

"Because I... talked to her last night."

Shadow glared. "Oh. So that's how it is? Sleeping with the author now, are you? No wonder you got to make out with Sesshoumaru and I didn't."

"_What!_" several voices cried in startled unison.

"Smooth move, Shadow," Youko muttered.

"You did what!" Inuyasha cried, looking at Youko.

"Nothing, Inuyasha. Shut up."

"I heard her. She said you made out with my brother!" He rounded on Sesshoumaru. "So _he's_ the one you were in a relationship with before! I bet it was that first time we met these guys. You and the fox went off in the woods and did it under a tree!"

"And when, pray tell, would we have had time to 'do it' under a tree while Sesshoumaru was chained to those two girls?"

Inuyasha stopped. "You have a point."

"Yeah, so shut up, ya SPED! That was a slip of the tongue. You weren't supposed to hear it," Shadow said.

"And while we're on the subject," Youko said, "I don't sleep with the author."

Shadow snorted, but didn't say anything else. Smart kid.

"Now, where were we?" Koenma asked after a hesitation.

"We were at the point where I just described Sesshoumaru's outfit from head to toe entirely accurately, and you said you could reproduce it for him."

"I hadn't said that yet, but that's the next thing I was going to say, so let's just pick up from there."

"Okay."

There was a short pause, then Shadow said, "You can really reproduce it for him?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"By telling you to do it."

Her eyes narrowed. "Slave driving son of a bitch."

"Can you do it?" he asked. She looked at him blankly.

"Of course I can."

"Then do it. Sesshoumaru cannot return to his lands in jeans and a t-shirt."

"And boxers."

Eclipse's head perked up. "Sesshoumaru's wearing boxers?"

"Black and silky!" Shadow chirped. Eclipse's eyes wandered down Sesshoumaru's chest and focused on his pants, as if she could see through them.

"Stop it," he said dryly. She looked up.

"Sorry."

"SO ANYWAYS!" Koenma snapped, angry, "You guys are all going back home. Now. I'm sick of you and all you and this and I am already in a boatload of trouble with my father for allowing you to bring them here!"

They all stared.

"NOW! Get up! Come on! Hurry up!"

"What about Sesshoumaru's clothes?" Shadow asked. Koenma stopped and glared. How dare she remind him of something he'd forgotten about the moment he'd mentioned it!

"Fine! Make his clothes!"

Shadow got off Hiei's lap. "This way, my Lord," she said, sweeping into a deep and elegant bow. He stared for a minute, then sat down his mug and pushed himself to his feet. Everybody seemed sluggish right now. Nobody seemed to want to move. Hiei had been staring at the same piece of gravel in the fish tank across the room since he sat down.

She led him away. They came back a few minutes later, Sesshoumaru back in his usual outfit, Shadow nuzzling his shirt to her face.

"It's still warm," she cooed, getting a Funny Look from Hiei.

"Come on," Koenma said. Shadow made to follow and he glared. "Not you."

"Why the hell not me!"

"Because you're a pain in the ass. Stay here with your boyfriend."

Shadow sniffled, then turned and flung her arms around Sesshoumaru, coming up close and personal with the spikes on his armor. She nearly got her eye put out. Eclipse flung herself on him from the side and hugged him tightly.

"We'll miss you!" they sobbed.

"We love you!"

"We'll never forget you!"

"Will you ever forget us!"

"I won't be that fortunate," he muttered.

"He loves us!" Shadow cried.

"He loves us, he does!" Eclipse agreed happily, tears in her eyes. They continued hugging him until they were satisfied, then moved on to hug Miroku, and attempted to hug Inuyasha and Koga but got pushed away.

The two girls stood aside as the four guys milled over towards Koenma.

"See you 'round, Sesshoumaru," Youko said, grinning. He stuck out his tongue. The inu just looked at him.

"Sesshoumaru."

The demon lord turned emotionless eyes on Karasu. They stared at each other for a minute, the crow clearly trying to find the right words under the tired youkai's golden gaze. After a minute, Karasu shrugged.

"Sorry?"

Sesshoumaru snorted and turned away. Then, poof.

Shadow and Eclipse fell sobbing into their respective strong male's arms.

Yusuke looked at Youko. "So, did you really kiss that guy?"

The fox chuckled. "That, and more."

"Eww..."

"Oh, what 'eww'? You'd do it to."

"Heck no!"

Shadow stopped sobbing abruptly and stood up.

"Well that was fun. What now?"

_**

* * *

**_

The thing with Youko and Sesshoumaru was the ad/reference to hColleen's story... It's at adult fanfiction, I think... It certainly isn't on here, though. Heh heh. ...The breadstick thing was another reference to another of her stories... Funny thing, though... Shortly after writing that, shortly after reading it in her story, they had those kind of breadsticks at my school for lunch... I almost died. I couldn't look at my friends while they ate them. It would have been too much torture.

Anyways, story's over, so sorry... The next one might be on shortly... I'm trying to make it less perverted. From chapter six on. I got to six, then took a break to write this story... waited a month, then picked it up again. Jeesh. I'm so dedicated to my work.

So, see you all again... sometime.


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